No one knows exactly why we like or love the people we do? Every relationship starts of well, but how often do we stay in a relationship even though we are not content in it any more? What are the signs that a relationship has run its course?
Perhaps the real mystery of love is that we cannot explain it in words. We can feel it and experience it and for sure “who feels it knows it”, but there is no real way to explain it to another.
Science now tells us that the initial attraction, and those powerful elated ‘can’t live without you’ feelings come from a group of neurotransmitters in your brain. You know the feelings I’m talking about, after all we have all experienced that first giddy flush of falling in love.
However real those lovestruck emotions are for us, and whatever blissful future we can imagine, the truth is that at the start of any relationship we are really at the mercy our biochemistry.
These feelings can last for weeks, even years and during that time we are often blind to, or ignore behaviours and traits in our partner that would drive us to distraction in another person. Truthfully, we all know that it takes time to really get to know and love someone and sometimes once we do we realize that we are not such a great fit after all.
What makes some people stay?
The trouble for most of us is that once we are in a relationship we find it hard to walk away and end it. I can put my hand up and say in the past I have stayed in relationships for a bunch of wrong reasons, and when we are frightened of moving on it’s easy to make excuses.
Have you ever worried that you were being too picky, or that no-one else will find your attractive or love you every again? What about the fear of managing financially on your own, or the feeling of not wanting to hurt someone we care about?
Sometimes you can’t quite pinpoint the problem because nothing is really wrong, but them nothing is really right either so we stay put, craving the excitement of those lovestruck feelings and wondering if there is someone better for us out there.
In a relationship, you should bring out the best in one another – right? You should grow together. When that stops happening and you feel stuck in a rut, if you value what you have with your partner it makes sense to do your best to get things back on track. If on the other hand you know you’ve tried everything to make it work, and you are still unhappy it sounds like the relationship has run its course.
I believe that most relationships can be saved with the right techniques – after all, no relationship is a walk in the park. They are hard work, and you need to realise that your partner’s sole job isn’t to make you happy. You need to make yourself happy too – but that’s for a different blog post. Let’s look at the signs that a relationship has run its course.
1- You don’t do things together
Do you avoid doing things with one another? If you’d rather do things with your friends than with your partner, or even alone, then it’s a sign the relationship is over. In the beginning, you probably would have done anything to spend more time with your partner. When you dread spending time with them, it’s a definite warning sign.
2 – You’ve stopped showing affection
The thought of showing affection to your partner makes you feel dishonest. You can’t hug them, kiss them, or hold hands with them without feeling dishonest. You really struggle to show them your love, and you’ve stopped saying you love them too. If you do say it, it’s only to shut them up.
3- You don’t laugh together any more
Two people in a relationship should laugh together constantly. If their humour now makes you cringe rather than smile, you should re-evaluate being with them.
4 -You’ve stopped talking about your day
I bet there was a time in the relationship where you couldn’t wait to tell your partner everything you’d been up to that day – even if it was just what you had for lunch. These days, you’d rather not speak to them at all. Something as simple as talking about lunch could potentially end in a blazing row.
5 -You forget important dates
Anniversaries and Valentine’s days aren’t as important as they were before. You don’t buy gifts, and you hate the thought of them rolling around. You may go as far as even forgetting your anniversary.
6 -You wish you could change them
You can’t change a person. You knew that when you began the relationship. Still, you wish you could change your partner. Maybe you don’t trust them and suspect them of cheating. GPS tracking is an option, but ask yourself: would you feel happier if you could change that one thing, or would you still find something to get annoyed at?
7 – You’re always arguing
Constant arguments shows problems with communication. If you can’t communicate with one another, you’ll always take things the wrong way. If you’re arguing about things now that happened way in the past, it could be time to call it a day. You can’t argue about the past if you want to move forward!
Being in the wrong relationship can be soul destroying over time and can sap the joy out of out our lives.
Even though ending a relationship can be heartbreaking, especially when you really want to get away for some of us the idea of being alone is hard, but it’s better than being with somebody you’re unhappy with wouldn’t you say?
So to close: I believe love is a lesson. It is a part of life. It could be a good, or id could be a bad, but in general it’s better to experience it, then to never know what it is like to have it in the first place.
By Maya Mendoza | ZenLama
