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By Aria Misty, Higher Perspectives
It’s hard to accept but in any kind of relationship, you’re only responsible for yourself and have no control over the other person. This can be quite a vulnerable experience that creates equal power dynamics.
Luckily, there are some psychology-based strategies that can not only help you manage your feelings but also influences the relationship, deepen the level of intimacy and create better odds of an everlasting loving relationship.
Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?
Read More: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Appeal to You Physically
What If Love Is Just Science?
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The feeling of love may feel like an overpowering, unexplainable concept that takes over your mind without you being able to rationalize it or make sense of it. However, everything happening in your heart is actually science. While you may have a hard time putting your feelings to words, the reason why love makes you do crazy things is all chemicals.
The brain releases a hormone cocktail (oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone, estrogen, and vasopressin) that creates an additive and overwhelming feeling of euphoria, pleasure, and bonding, often all at once. This also gets the brain’s center (the amygdala) in a state of alertness because of the risk of heartbreak which releases feelings of fear, anger, or desire.
While thinking of love as hormones and chemicals isn’t romantic, it’s also reassuring. It means that you have the power like a scientist to release the right dose of chemicals into the relationship and influence its success with a couple of tricks.
Separately Practicing Meditation
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Meditation has surprising effects on a good relationship despite being a self-focused activity. Taking some time to meditate improves emotional intelligence by helping each partner become self-aware of their needs.
It also emotionally regulates their own distress instead of taking it out on their partner or expecting them to make them feel better. Overall it decreases stress and improves happiness which facilitates the romantic connection and makes you both happy individually, and together.
Another benefit to meditation is that it boosts feelings of gratitude and helps you see the best in your partner and relationship, which brings you closer together.
Visualize The End Goal Ahead Of It
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We know how many times you've heard to just let the relationship fall into place the way it's meant to be, instead of trying to control it to fit an ideal or rushing to hit milestones for the sake of it, rather than arriving at them naturally. All the above is true, but the trick is in also knowing what it is that you want out of your relationship with this person
Your brain is actually already constantly visualizing and stimulating future experiences, you're just not usually aware of it on a conscious level. However, if you bring that visualization to your conscious awareness you can actively manifest it for your reality. This helps you define yourself, set goals and feel prepared even during conflict.
Literarily Pausing During Conflict
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It can be hard to not get caught up in the heat of the moment during arguments. This is the worse time to actually reach a productive resolution. Often harsh things are done and said with irreversible effects. Instead, try a 10-minute timeout before you get to a point where you're so upset you might say something you'd regret.
"Tell them you need 10 minutes to calm down, and that you will come back to this," says Wind. “Come back after 10 minutes, once you have calmed down or are more prepared to handle the conflict. It’s more likely that you can calmly sort out your differences this way," says Brian Wind, a clinical psychologist.
The Mirroring Effect
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Mirroring is a subconscious act with a powerful effect. According to language expert Tonya Reiman: "To put it simply, mirroring is matching someone's behavior, whether it's their voice, their words, or their non-verbal cues (think gestures, movement, and body posture)...You can even experience people matching pitch, tone, blink rate, and breathing."
Mirroring your partner might already happen on a subconscious level, but doing it consciously, such as sitting facing them, smiling back when they do, walking at the same speed, or matching facial expressions to their words, will create a feeling of comfort and increase attraction. It will make them feel seen, heard, and bonded to you.
Maintaining Eye Contact
The more comfortable a relationship gets the more you'll notice that you're just yelling at each other from different rooms or just having mindless conversations while watching tv. You lose that deep emotional connection you established early on in the relationship.
One easy fix is to actually look at each other, especially when you're talking. Statistics show that people look at each other 30-60% of the time but that rate increases to 75% when a couple is attracted to each other. But the good news is that you can increase the rate yourself to 75% and trick their brain by properly looking at them 75% of the time.
The brain knows the last time someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love and will associate you with the same feeling.
Understand Your Projections, Or "Transference"
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We often aren't aware of our own triggers and we brush off the things that bother us believing that we're preserving and moving forward. However, the less time we take to address what upsets us, the more it manifests through us in unhealthy ways. What happens is that you end up projecting all that is bothering you unto your partner
Transference, according to Merriam-Webster, is "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object."
Because the relationship with a partner is so intimate and vulnerable, it can bring out all the retained feelings. Instead, try to be mindful of them, give them space to feel them out, and figure out what you need to work through them.
Read More: 11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist
Know Who To Look For
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In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that.
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