By Sara Coughlin, Refilery29
Dating is hard. We'd like to think we aren't making it any harder than it needs to be, but that probably isn't true. Try as we might to swipe, text, and flirt with grace, sometimes the tendency to self-sabotage proves too great to avoid (just ask this writer, who used to proudly tell potential partners about her penchant for reading fan fiction and staying in on the weekends to rewatch True Blood DVDs — yes, DVDs).
While no one is a textbook example of their star sign, it certainly can affect how we behave. In this case, your sign might be to blame for that self-sabotaging behaviour we mentioned earlier. For the record, you can't blame your sign for being a total jerk to your partner, but for smaller quirks like feeling awkward around people who obviously like you or having a hard time giving your S.O. space, your sign might be the source.
Read on to find out what aspect of your sign might be interfering with your love life — and what you can do about it. If you look up your sign and don't think it fits your specific dating woes, check out your Venus sign, too, since this nearby planet rules your affections and romantic instincts (look yours up here).
Aries
Why your sign makes dating hard: Rams tend to be their own biggest fans. If you've fallen hard for someone, you may expect them to join the fandom, and dedicate all their free time to you. Dating someone who likes (or needs) to spend time apart can feel befuddling, if not downright insulting, due to your capacity for self-love and -admiration.
How to make it easier: Remember that you can be number one in someone's love life without fighting for the number one spot on their schedule. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a clichéd adage for a reason, Aries. And maintaining a life outside of your relationship, no matter how hot and heavy, just might make the time you do spend with your partner all the more special.
Taurus
Why your sign makes dating hard: You don't expect your partner to shower you with gifts or to meet an unobtainable standard of beauty, but there's a good chance you have a tiny check-off list you bring to every new relationship, Taurus. You like your partners to fit a certain mould, so that you know what you're getting into before you truly commit. This tendency stems from a need for dependability and consistency, but, in the wrong light, you might seem unduly picky.
How to make it easier: Pocket that list for the first few weeks (or even months), dear Bull, and give your partner a chance to prove themselves as a good match for you. Just because you found one type of romance and comfort (the two most Taurean values) in your last relationship, that doesn't mean that's the only sort that suits you.
Gemini
Why your sign makes dating hard: You move so seamlessly between your social circles that you forget it doesn't come as easily to everyone else, Gem. So, as much as you want to introduce your partner to your work friends, college friends, and parents all in one week, that's probably way too much for them. An energetic, charismatic sign like yours might not realise that meeting new people, especially ones that are important to you, can be overwhelming, even intimidating for a new partner.
How to make it easier: This is one of those times where looking at things from your partner's perspective will be a game-changer. When you take a moment to consider how socially taxing it may be to meet tons of new people in a short period of time, you'll probably realise that pacing yourself is more important than showing off your new relationship to everyone in your contacts.
Cancer
Why your sign makes dating hard: When Crabs settle down, they really settle. As great as it is to have someone you want to chill with at home every night, some relationships cannot survive on Netflix and takeout alone. Your homebody sign urges you to focus on the state of your domestic life, but that shouldn't overshadow how much fun you can have in the outside world.
How to make it easier: You don't need to break the bank to show your partner a good time, Cancer. Even the smallest outings, like picnicking in the park or trying a new workout class, will make your partner feel special. Nothing against having a routine in your relationship, but sharing new experiences can be invigorating for even the comfiest couple.
Leo
Why your sign makes dating hard: You like it when things feel charged with energy, potential, and heat, Leo. In other words, your favourite part of dating very well may be the period before the first date even happens, aka the chase. It's said to be thrilling for a reason: All that attention and flirtation is a heady combo. But, you might find the actual getting-to-know-you process a little dull by comparison.
How to make it easier: It might sound a little silly, but look out for thrills in the little things — the first time your partner kisses you in front of their friends or when their dog starts greeting you before them. Your love for drama will make it tough to see the gravity in these everyday moments, but once you start noticing them, the chase will pale in comparison.
Virgo
Why your sign makes dating hard: You and your partner know which finances you split. You keep each other's plans on a shared calendar. You have a recurring visit set up with each other's parents. Virgo, you're as responsible as they come, but there's more to a relationship than planning two lives to function as one. As much as you might roll your eyes at the idea of an "actividate," every couple deserves to do things together just for fun.
How to make it easier: You can apply that same meticulous, hardworking approach you normally take to household chores to planning a weekend getaway, one where you go 24 hours without checking email or making lists. You're good at everything, Virgo — we're willing to bet you even excel at having fun.
Libra
Why your sign makes dating hard: You're probably sick of being called the diplomat of the Zodiac, but your approach to dating only underlines this reputation, Libra. Whether you're picking a third date activity, defining the relationship, or moving in with your partner, you can't help but seek out a third party's opinion, just to be sure you're making the right move, at the right time, with the right person.
How to make it easier: Trust your gut, Libra. We know, it's easier said than done — if you give it a try and the voice of self-doubt still creeps into your head, don't stress. Anyone who's dating an air sign like you is used to talking everything out, so you should feel empowered to have an open, honest conversation with them about your concerns. Plus, your mom probably doesn't need to hear about every single development in your love life.
Scorpio
Why your sign makes dating hard: For a sign that deals in subtleties, you sure can have a hard time picking them up, Scorp, especially when it comes to love. Even the most obvious hints that someone likes you (waiting to talk to you at the bar, picking up your coffee order, asking your friends about you) either whiz over your head or you choose to ignore them.
How to make it easier: Keep in mind that not everyone copes well with the unknown. If you notice that someone has a crush, address it head on and let them down easily or forego your air of mystery and swap numbers. We know that maintaining a certain public image is important to you, Scorp, but that shouldn't come before being kind — or giving someone a chance.
Sagittarius
Why your sign makes dating hard: If you had it your way, relationships would consist of playful banter and even more playful sex. Unfortunately, dear Archer, a big part of intimacy is getting to know your partner on a deeper level. That means having the occasional serious conversation — even one where matters of commitment are put on the table. A fun-loving sign like yours may choose to cut and run, but there's real FOMO in doing so.
How to make it easier: You do have a serious side, Sag — you let it show in the way you ask your partner to join you in all your activities and all the questions you ask about their hobbies, likes, and dislikes. You just balk when these moments of intimacy don't arise naturally. Accept that you can still share a fun, light-hearted bond while making a concerted effort to make that bond stronger. Suddenly, getting deep doesn't seem all that bad.
Capricorn
Why your sign makes dating hard: Whatever teen movie told you that playing hard to get works really stuck with you, Cap. Even after you enter a relationship, you can tend to come off a little cold or even detached, usually for the sake for self-preservation. Your fear of failure is famous, but that's no reason to curb how you show affection.
How to make it easier: Admit it — your partner gives you butterflies, even if you're too proud to let that show. No one's asking you to start writing sonnets, but you should feel safe enough to let your true feelings show. Hold their hand, call them just to talk, at the very least talk about something other than work the next time you go out.
Aquarius
Why your sign makes dating hard: Water Bearers, in their infinite eccentric and rebellious wisdom, tend to take the road less traveled a little too often, meaning you might shy away from labels (or anything too conventional, for that matter) in your relationships. You aren't necessarily commitment-averse, you just resist bringing societal norms into your bedroom.
How to make it easier: For one thing, if you partner asks to DTR, don't shut them down. You might not love the idea of calling someone your "official S.O.," but you do like that person, so hear them out if they want to change how you refer to each other. You just might invent a new romantic term during your discussion (and if that isn't Aquarian, we don't know what is).
Pisces
Why your sign makes dating hard: As emotionally aware (and ready to speak from the heart) as you might be, it's in your instincts to listen first, then speak. When it comes to dating, this can translate to your partner never really knowing how you feel and, in turn, taking full responsibility for the direction your relationship takes.
How to make it easier: Your partner probably looks to you as an outlet for venting, and if you're happy in the role, you don't have to abandon it. But, Pisces, that doesn't mean they don't want to hear from you. Take the leap and welcome your partner into your inner world by thinking aloud. Even if you two make the same decision in the end, it'll be with you speaking your piece.
