The 10 Most Important Things I've Learned After 10 Years of Marriage


By Marisa Hillman, PopSugar

In less than two months, my husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Over the past decade, it feels like we've been through it all: we've had our good times and our bad, our sickness and our health, and have been both richer and poorer. We've made three major moves, purchased two homes, and had three children together. We've fallen in love, fought like cats and dogs, almost split, and fallen in love all over again. Given all that, I think it's safe to say we've grown a lot along the way. Here are ten life lessons I've learned after ten years of marriage.

It's OK to Fight


There's nothing wrong with fighting every once in a while. In fact, I'd be more concerned if one of us stopped caring enough to fight than I am about our occasional spats. But we keep it civil. We don't call each other names, swear, or raise hands to one another, and we never fight in front of our children.

Learn to Say "I'm Sorry"


This is one I still struggle with, but every now and again I have to swallow my pride and apologize for something I said or did that was wrong.

Silence Is OK


My husband is, by nature, a quiet and thoughtful guy. So early in our marriage, I used to worry that we didn't talk enough. I'm not exactly sure why it worried me so much, because in reality, someone who wanted to talk all the time would drive me crazy. Sometimes, not talking and allowing one another to just be can be the most comforting feeling in the world.

Leave the Past in the Past


Once upon a time, I would take mental notes of every mistake my husband had done. Then I'd file them away, building up an arsenal for our next fight. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that no matter how many "good cards" I had to play in order to win an argument, I needed to throw them all away. The past belongs in the past, and nothing good can truly come from dredging it up.

Honesty Really Is the Best Policy


Sure, those little white lies seem harmless. But lies are lies. They can add up quickly and eventually begin to erode the trust you've spent years building.

Stand Your Ground


Some things aren't worth fighting over. Others are. Know the difference, and don't compromise the things you value most. Otherwise, you run of the risk of breeding resentment.

Take Time For Yourselves


We're married, but we still have our own identities. Whether you want to spend time with friends, take up a hobby, or just go sit in a restaurant by yourself every now and again, it's important to take some time for yourselves.

Make Time For Each Other


This is especially important to remember if and when kids enter the mix. Sure, you live, eat, sleep, travel, and, in many cases, parent together every day, but that's not the same as making time for one another. Keep dating each other no matter how full your calendar may seem.

Find Common Ground


It's unlikely that you'll always agree on everything. If you maintain a common ground, you won't necessarily agree with one another, but you'll at least be able to come to an understanding. And whatever the issue may be, an understanding is better than having that thing you just don't talk about.

Keep Things Exciting


We change as we get older, and so do our interests. Keep things interesting and exciting by finding fun, new things to do together. You're bound to surprise yourselves.


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Love Magazine: The 10 Most Important Things I've Learned After 10 Years of Marriage
The 10 Most Important Things I've Learned After 10 Years of Marriage
Love Magazine
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