By Ellie Finn, Martha Stewart
After the honeymoon phase comes the "honey move away from the remote or else" phase. It's like clockwork. But determining what you'll watch on Sunday night is just one of the common conflicts that arise in the first year or two of marriage. To help you handle the usual fights like a pro, we chatted with licensed marriage and family therapist associate and relationship specialist Melody Li
to help pinpoint issues many couples face. Even better, she's offering
solutions to help you get through those troubles with ease.
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Household Duties
Expectations of what men and women should be doing in the home have
changed a lot over the years, and with this remodeling of gender norms
comes a remodeling of the kitchen—that means there's now plenty of room
in there for the guys. But even the most progressive men might not be
cleaning the gunk out of the drain as often as one might hope, and simple household chores tend to become a big sticking point for a lot of first-year fights.
"A simple solution is to make a chore list that both partners can be on
board with," Li explains. With a list in place (complete with timing
expectations), you may even be able to trade-off on each of your
most-hated duties. But there's one important catch: "Neither partners
can poke and prod each other or check on progress until the chore is
'due,'" says Li. This rule is to safeguard against the hallmark nagging that turns couples everywhere into their moms.
Finances
If checking your credit card bill
holds as much suspense as a gender reveal video, this may be a big one.
To prevent learning that your spouse considers fantasy baseball
gambling a "necessity" until it's too late, Li suggests having monthly
finance discussions. "Keep it short and sweet and make some
mimosas. Some questions to kick start the conversations are: Are you
generally a spender or saver? What are your worst financial fears? How much debt do you have
and how do you plan to pay it off?" Throughout these talks, understand
that there's no right or wrong way to approach personal finance, just
different ways. Being understanding of why your partner might feel a
certain way about money will help you create a budget both parties feel
invested in sticking to.
[post_ads_2]Personal Time
"There is a common misconception that one should care for the
marriage first, even at the expense of one's wellbeing," says Li. "But
just like the airplane safety procedure instructs us, we have to put on
our own oxygen mask before helping others." In short, being loving,
patient, and kind to your partner is much easier after a spin class and a
mani pedi. Being a couple isn't two halves that make a whole, it's two
whole people coming together. So never feel guilty about needing a little "me" time—your marriage will thank you.
