Falling in love is AMAZING! Butterflies in your stomach. The excitement that courses through your veins before you see the person. The feeling of electricity. This isn’t only true for romantic love but for budding friendships. The giddiness and anticipation of knowing that you are going to see that person. The ebb and flow of conversation and the feeling that you must have known each other in a past life time. As well as, the knowing that they are there, your new found friend, confidant, and lover.
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And then things change. The newness fades. The excitement wanes. And things settle into ordinary. Now, your new found connection either fades into the background or the relationship continues to grow. If the connection deepens, you continue to share, devote time, and energy into each other. As time progresses, the relationship matures and blossoms. The newness gives way to comfort and ease. And, the excitement may be exchanged for stability and dependability.
And then…
There comes a time where you question if this relationship is really what you want or need. We often stay in relationships long after they are over. As humans, we love to be around other people. However, there are times when a relationship no longer serves you. What do I mean by ‘serves’? When you are in a healthy relationship, you give and receive. Your partner brings out the best in you. They help you when are down. And if you share rough moments, they stay to help you process, clean up and grow from your struggles. Some relationships are brief. We meet someone and they are who we need in that moment. Sometime letting go of these relationships is difficult and cling to them. We make up excuses for them or keep the relationship going so we don’t have to be alone. How do you know if you still love someone or if it’s time to move on?
5 Signs It’s Time To Move On
1. Think back to when you first met. What were the circumstances that brought your partner into your life? Perhaps they helped you through a rough time or you shared interests and became friends as a result. Is the early connection still there? If not, can you bring it back and more importantly, do you want to bring it back?
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2. Why do you love them? Is it because of how they make you feel, what they bring out in you, or what they do for you? Is it their smile? Take time to notice what you love about this person. How does your love for them complement your life? Stuck? Can’t come up with anything? This may be a sign your relationship needs attention or that perhaps that it is time to move on. It’s okay. Relationships change. People change. If you are holding on to something that is over, it’s time to let go. Yes, it might hurt at first, but in the long run, you will both most likely be happier and more free.
3. Do you compliment each other? How often do you remark on one another’s positive qualities? Often times in long term relationships we can become careless and the relationship becomes a place where you bring nothing but complaints. Notice how often you encourage your partner and try to be supportive most of the time rather than telling them every terrible thing that happened at work. Pay attention to your partner’s personal and professional goals. Support them toward their desires and they will be likely to do the same.
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4. Are you holding on, but sense it’s over? Not feeling the love? You refuse to compliment them, because you see nothing worth complimenting? Then it’s time to ask yourself, why is this person still in your life? Maybe they helped through a really dark time and you struggle to let them go. Perhaps, you feel loyal and indebted to them. Holding on to a relationship that isn’t serving both of you can keep you stuck. Thank them for supporting and helping you, then let them go.
5. Are you in a one sided relationship? Are you doing all the work? Why? Ask yourself what you get out of this relationship and if it’s good for you? Relationships are a two-way street. Both parties give and take. If you are doing all the giving, what do you get out of it? Can you ask them to help more? If you are doing all the taking? What do you get out of it and can you become more giving? If you are the giver, you may start to feel neglected and taken advantage of. Resentment may build. Give yourself permission to say and ask for what you need. If your partner can’t or won’t listen and meet your needs, then it may be time to let go. You deserve someone who respects and treats you with love. Don’t settle for anything less.
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Maybe you are experiencing a difficult period, but are not ready to end the relationship. How can you rekindle your connection and bring the excitement back into it? First, find common ground and identify ways that you connect. What common interests to do you share? Explore these together. Love food? Explore local restaurants. Love reading? A certain television show? Let this be the beginning of breathing life into your relationship, communicating, and doing things together.
3 Ways To Rekindle Your Relationship
1. Be kind. Say and do nice things for each other. When someone is kind, we want to reciprocate. When you are kind and others are kind in return, everyone feels better.
2. Laugh together. Laughter boosts brain chemicals and is proven to be a spirit lifter. We tend to like to be around people who make us feel good.
3. Hug. Hugging for 15 seconds or longer has been proven to improve moods. Hugging one another shows you care and that you want to be physically connected.
Love is beautiful connection. Here’s to many healthy and loving relationships in your life!
