No matter how new or long-term your relationship may be, even the
most solid and stable of couples can be hit by a wave of jealously—just
listen to Nick Jonas’ song so aptly named, “Jealous.” Perhaps your
girlfriend was annoyed when she saw you checking out the hostess. Or
maybe your boyfriend is not too fond of your working side-by-side with a
hunky colleague. Who could forget Ross’ jealously of Rachel’s
good-looking coworker Mark on “Friends?”
In
order to deal with a jealous partner and keep your relationship
healthy, strong and on track, it’s important to figure out exactly
what’s causing these feelings of jealousy in the first place and what
you both can do to put an end to these sentiments once and for all.
Causes you’re aware of.
If your partner is acting jealous, the reasons may be right in front of
you. It’s important to try looking at the situation more broadly in
order to understand what’s setting off your mate’s feelings in the first
place.
The initial question you should ask yourself is
if you’re inadvertently doing, saying or acting in a way that’s causing
your partner to switch into jealousy mode. For instance, you might not
even realize how often you comment about the hotness of certain actresses. Or maybe you don’t even recognize the number of times you reference your ex in daily conversations.
While
these actions may be completely benign and you certainly aren’t doing
them maliciously, they may be causing your partner a good deal of pain.
But by being conscious of the behaviors that are causing your girlfriend
or boyfriend to unleash the green monster and by taking responsibility
for these actions, you can make modifications to your behavior going
forward with respect to your partner’s feelings. It’s time to turn off
those comments about Kaley Cuoco when you’re watching “The Big Bang
Theory” unless you want a big argument. There’s no need to remind your
boyfriend that your ex used to wear the same cologne unless you want to
stink things up. When it comes to quelling jealousy, these small changes
can make a big impact.
Causes you’re not aware of.
There’s also the possibility that you have no clue as to what’s causing
your partner to flip out in a jealous rage. In these cases,
communication plays a major role in dealing with these hidden sources of
jealousy. Perhaps your partner is digging up old feelings from a past
relationship that’s causing her to worry about your behavior when you’re
at a bachelor party in Las Vegas. Or maybe your partner is dealing with
deeper issues regarding his own relationship with his family when he sees how close you are with yours.
Whatever
the issue(s) may be, talking openly and honestly with your partner
about the real causes behind these spurts of jealousy is imperative in
dealing with and moving past these kinds of negative emotions. You and
your partner can work together to hash out these fears and concerns and
help lighten the load of the baggage he or she is carrying. By working
together as a couple, you can make these less-obvious sources of
jealousy obsolete.
When it’s a lost cause.
However, there comes a point when dealing with a jealous partner ends up
destroying your relationship. After all, relationships are founded on
trust and respect, and jealousy hammers away piece by piece of what
you’re building together. If your partner is consistently finding new
issues that are causing him or her to become jealous or is constantly
accusing you of certain things that aren’t there, your partner’s jealous
insecurities will sink your relationship.
Further, if your partner’s jealous emotions lead him or her to read your emails,
texts and/or control you in any way, such as telling you who you can
and can’t hang out with, where you’re allowed to go or even what you can
wear, this is not a relationship worth saving. Who could also forget on
“Friends” when Ross’ wife Emily forbade him from seeing Rachel? (It’s
tough to be Ross!) If jealousy is preventing your partner from trusting
you wholeheartedly, find someone else who’s worthy of your trust and
your heart.
source: about.com
