It's a bit surreal to write an article about Irish dating from the oldest internet cafe in the world in Cambridge, England.
Actually, let me correct that: the whole experience of travelling to
Ireland while hearing, seeing and experiencing first-hand how people
relate romantically was surreal, beautiful, and life-changing. With
little hyperbole, I fell in love with almost everyone I interacted with
on more than a superficial level. A part of my heart will forever be
lodged in some medieval alleyway in some singsong town, where the
whiskey flows as easily as the words, and a new friend is rarely more
than a smile away.
So, should you visit Ireland with the express
purpose to meet someone? I'd give that a wholehearted yes, even more so
if you're under 35, heterosexual, enjoy being appreciated
wholeheartedly, like beer and eat meat, and willing to go out of your
comfort zone to meet people. Single parents, LGBT folk and older singles might struggle a bit to meet someone outside of Dublin though.Of course, this is merely a brief summary; read on for more details and must-know information.
Meeting People
If
you're single and looking for a fling, romance, or possibly even a
marriage proposal, the only place to go is truly traditional -- the pub
or bar/disco, depending on how big a community you're in. Don't scoff at
the marriage proposal idea either! In my first 28 day tour of Ireland, I
received two serious marriage proposals, as well as a handful
offered in jest.
Pub crawls are a great way to meet other folks
exploring Ireland if you're travelling solo (as I was), otherwise, head
out with your friends. Just make sure you're socializing with a
mixed-gender group (or all the same gender as you if you're
heterosexual); people will assume a male-female couple are partnered up
and will leave you alone completely. I found going out by myself was hit
or miss with regards to meeting someone, yet every time I headed out
with another woman, we both invariably had success. Sometimes,
overwhelmingly so.
If in the cities of Dublin, Cork, and possibly Limerick, Galway and Kilkenny,
you can try dating sites, however most of the folks I found in the
smaller towns primarily use them for foreigners to date, or are
foreigners themselves. POF
followed by Tindr house the most singles in Ireland, although you'll
find a good solid base on OkCupid as well. Mind you when I was in Dingle
in the fall, only one person showed up in my matches: a gay woman. (She was lovely!)
I
spoke to a handful of gay, lesbian and transgendered folks while in
Ireland as well, all of whom gave me the impression they felt welcome in
their respective communities. Most larger cities have a gay club or
bar, and I heard zero stories of violence towards anyone. Interestingly,
there seemed a bigger stigma with being older (35+) and single than
anything else, except for those with kids. Of the handful of single
parents I did encounter (almost all male), the information was shared
with a whisper and a knowing glance. One guy, trying to tease me, shared
he had "two illegitimate children". I shrugged like this was no big
deal, yet a nearby British man later told me that it was a huge deal in
Ireland for many and that I should feign shock.
Dating
I
overheard a conversation on a bus between Tralee and Limerick
amongst several early twenty-something's that quite accurately
described dating in Ireland. "He's doing WHAT tonight? He said he has a
date?!" The girls then burst out laughing as if that was the most absurd
thing they'd ever heard. To further expand, a 28-year-old male on OkCupid
shared, "Dating doesn't exist here. Just random romance. Irish people
somehow stumble into relationships and aren't quite sure how they got
there".
If it weren't for my having spent a few weeks in Ireland
exploring such concepts, I probably would've scoffed at the idea that no
one dates in Ireland. "How do people get to know one another?" asked
many of my North American friends, with some form of incredulous
laughter. I posed the same question countless times during my trip in
various ways. Oftentimes, people looked at me quizzically. One
30-year-old man in Galway told me he "had to get to know me a bit"
before he was willing to get involved (in his case, that took five
hours). Another man in the same town on another night was so infatuated,
he kissed me without asking or even an introduction. In both cases, it
was assumed we were in a relationship afterwards. One woman whispered to
me to explain, "If you exchanged phone numbers? it's like a marriage
proposal here. Am I joking? Well, maybe, but only a little."
Relationships
I
met a surprisingly small number of couples under 40 while in Ireland.
One person suggested it was because most were married and living in the
country, raising their family. I did talk to many couples whose kids
were grown, often with them starting the conversation by mistaking me
for a local (until I opened my mouth). Once we talked a minute or two
however, it was like we were old friends, and the women would frequently
offer to introduce me to a "nice young man". A handful of times I
walked away with an address and phone number, and the instructions to go
knock on his door and introduce myself. When a bunch of these scribbled
notes fell out of my pocket during lunch at a restaurant, the gay
waitress told me she would have said hello, albeit perhaps with another
reason than, "Mary up the street said so". When I asked why, she
answered with a shrug, "Well, what if they were the love of my life?"
Another
evening found me with a group of friends that included a couple very
much in love, even though they didn't show it outwardly. I asked the
table, "So, do Irish men cheat?" and received two answers
simultaneously. "Of course!" came from the man with two girlfriends,
both unaware of the other, while a lusty, "No!" came from the director
with his partner standing next to him. Later in the evening, the French
female of the couple gushed about Irish men. "They know how to laugh at
themselves, and how to make you laugh. It's never dull," she commented,
as her guy proceeded to tease me about his friend towering over me.
I'm
not sure I can comment any further about relationships in Ireland, only
because I had so few to draw upon. I did however find myself in one
sort of accidentally more often than not, unaware that if I spent time
with someone outside our initial meeting, we were considered together.
Yet even with this amazingly quick and assumed bond that seemed
commonplace in every town I went to, most of the folks I talked to in a
relationship shared openly they were happy. The only exception I found
was Dublin, where due to the sheer size of the city seemed more of a casual relationship focused community. "You can easily meet someone and never run into them again," said one Dubliner.
Must-Know Concepts and Slang
As
a North American exploring Ireland, I came across a lot of dating
slang, language and concepts that I had to clarify. Here are just some I
found crucial in my journey.
- Concept: teasing, swearing, and sarcasm
-- an online admirer in Maynooth, just outside Dublin, summed this up
nicely for me. "... if someone is overly polite with you in Ireland,
they either don't know you or don't like you. If they call you a bollux
they generally like you". This advice served me well during my first
month of explorations, and I'd suggest keeping this in mind to anyone
planning on explore this beautiful isle.
- Slang: you're fit -- In
North America, if someone told me I was "fit" I'd assume they were
referring to my level of fitness positively, as if I were in shape. When
someone from Ireland or England tells you "you're fit", they're saying
you're beautiful, sexy, attractive, and showing their appreciation in a
very flirty, forward way. I heard this at least six times before I
thought of asking someone if it meant something different; I would blush
and get embarrassed up until this point, thinking people were making
fun of my weight. Little did I know, they were complimenting me (albeit
in a randy, very cheeky fashion).
- Slang: sound
-- Depending on where you are in Ireland, this can mean different
things. An endearing gent in Galway told me "it's like 'cool' at the end
of a sentence, the closest approximation there is", whereas a gaggle of
giggling teenage girls in Limerick said it was more along the lines of
"you're cool, or solid".
- Concept: extreme friendliness
-- While perhaps not completely dating-related, I'd say it's a pretty
important thing to understand about Irish culture regardless. On a
daily, sometimes hourly basis, complete strangers would go out of their
way to help me. So as an example: my first day in Dublin I got horribly
lost due to the lack of street signs, Google maps misdirection, and the
bus system's assumed familiarity with each and every stop. A random
young man asked me if I was lost, and when I explained where I was
trying to go, offered to take me there and show me around. Initially, I
thought he was trying to make his interest known, but I quickly learned
that while he may have found me interesting, he was really just wanting
to help. By the end of the day we were having tea and talking like old
friends, and I'd gotten a tour of the city by a local, for free. Almost
every day in Ireland found myself in a similar situation, and I learned
to look forward to these random acts of kindness, conversation and
education.
- Slang: shifting -- I need to explain the concept of shifting fully, which will take an article of its own: What Does Shifting Mean in Terms of Irish Slang?
By Bonny Albo
Dating Expert
