Don't Let Her Change For You
It’s a classic tale. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy shares one of
his biggest interests with Girl and is stoked when Girl reveals that she
loves said interest too. Boy is happy. Cut to six months later. Girl
isn't as into the "shared" interest anymore. Boy is sad.
The passion attraction
It’s no secret that a guy is hot when he’s passionate about something. For some girls, your passion
for a subject is intoxicating enough to want to know every detail about
it. She’s head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for
fishing, so why wouldn’t she want to throw on her galoshes, hop into
your rowboat and act like worms don’t freak her out? But unlike real
passions, which can last for a lifetime, borrowed passions last about 6
months. After the brand new luster wears off your relationship, she may
start to think of your passion as more of a nerdy obsession and will
participate in it less and less.
New interests fall by the wayside
Part of the fun of being in a new couple is sharing individual
interests and discovering new ones together. Your knowledge of
literature might not extend past the back of your cereal box, but if
she's an avid reader, it could push you into reading one of her favorite
novels. Opposite interests drive us to make an effort to learn
something new, so if you assume from the start that she loves everything
you love, you’ll miss out on growing together. Things can get stale pretty quickly without the desire to experience new things.
Reinforced enthusiasm
When you're single, you've got all the time in the world to devote to
your own passions. You feel like spending all day watching slasher
movies? Go ahead! Want to go to the batting cages for hours every
weekend? More power to you! But a new relationship takes time away from
those hobbies — and that's usually a welcome thing because you like the
girl and want to spend more time with her. But when she seems like the
number one cheerleader for your time-consuming passion, you’ll become
consumed with it at her expense. Eventually, she’ll retract all the enthusiasm,
she used to have for your interest, and you’ll continue to revel in it
because you assume you have her blessing to do so. Cue resentment and
fights!
She's not your buddy
When you met her she was the coolest chick
ever. She was into sports, staying in on the weekends and loved
throwing beers back with your buddies. Your friends loved her, and you
were just stoked to be with such a laid-back chick who was totally “one
of the guys.” But she’s not. No girl that you’re dating is ever really
going to be “one of the guys.” She may still like sports and beer, but
she probably played up her enthusiasm for them to attract. Now that your
relationship is full steam ahead, she wants to be treated like your
girlfriend, not your friend.
Has she lost more than her interest in your hobby?
Most guys have no clue why any girl would pretend to like something she
has no actual interest in. After all, you're not running out to go to
her pottery classes. Whether it's because most guys have more self-confidence than girls or because girls are more open to new experiences,
the important thing is to be aware of is this freaky female trait and
to avoid getting caught up in her exaggerated enthusiasm for your
passions. Already dealing with the situation? Investigate what the loss
of her interest in your interest has left in its wake. Is she still
passionate about you and more comfortable with being herself and
expressing all her likes and dislikes? Or has the girl transformed into a
she-devil now that she thinks you're in her talons permanently?
Different passions make a relationship interesting, but a girl who
begins to resent your interests is just annoying and should be tossed to
the curb so she can begin her transformation into another unfortunate
guy's ideal. There’s a bright side to all this: Now you have all the
time in the world to concentrate on your fantasy baseball league!
