So you already know that his mom and dad aren’t too keen on you,
and, yeah … it’s a problem. It’s hindering your plans, the romantic
vibe of any date, and the chance of an engagement. If his parents
disapprove of you, how is it ever going to work between you and your
boyfriend?
The good news is that it’s still possible for you and
your guy to last. There will be difficulties, no doubt. But if both of
you are resilient, passionate and sensitive to each other’s needs, you
two have a real shot at making forever happen, even with one or two
monster in-laws (see: that J.Lo / Jane Fonda movie).
The
other good news is that there are ways to alleviate the tension and get
his parents to portray you in a much more favorable light. They may
never be your number one fans, but at least you can make the whole
ordeal less awkward by getting rid of the elephant in the room (and no, I
don't mean his mother). Here’s how to do it:
1. Get to the root of the issue.
It’s important to ask yourself (and your boyfriend!) why his parents aren’t fond of you.
Is it the way you dress? Your career? Your
ethnicity? The tattoo on your shoulder? Reflect on the possibilities,
and then address your partner. “Hey, I get the sense your parents don’t
like me. Do you know why this might be? I’d like to change it.” At
first, he may deny it—this is natural; he doesn’t want your feelings to
be hurt. Tell him the reasons why you're pretty dang positive that they wish that their son were involved with someone else.
Assure him that you’re okay, but that you’d like to resolve the issue.
If he doesn't already know the reason why, you can put your heads
together and brainstorm. The conversation may not be fun, but it’s a
necessary one.
2. Have a heart-to-heart with his parents.
If
you’re truly invested in the relationship and would like his parents to
think of you more favorably, a discussion with his parents is in order
as well. As difficult as it may be, it’s important that you do it
without your boyfriend at your side. This way, his parents won’t have
the extra concern of upsetting their son. You can invite one or both of
his parents to a casual lunch, or pull each of them aside separately. In
person, say something along the lines of, “Mrs. ___, I think we got off
on the wrong foot. I get the sense that you have some concerns about me
dating your son. I’d like to discuss this with you.” The problem could
just be due to a misunderstanding -- or it could be something that's not
amendable, such as your religion. Either way, you’ll finally come to
understand the obstacle direct from the source.
3. Show them that you complement their son.
You’ve
heard it a million times before, but actions really do speak louder
than words. Whether or not the discussion went well, the most you can do
next is to treat your boyfriend the way he deserves to be treated. Make
sure you’re always lifting him up, which is one of the most important
traits in a partner. If you can honestly say to yourself that you lift
your guy up on the daily, you’re doing your job. Show his parents that
he’s better when he’s with you. If they can see that you respect their
son, and that you make him happy, then the problem is no longer yours.
When it comes down to it, you and your boyfriend are the only people in the relationship. Keep this in mind, and love your guy with all you’ve got.
By Ashley McDonald
