So you think you've found The One…but you're not sure you've amassed
enough bedroom experience to feel fulfilled with just "One" for the rest
of your life. Or perhaps you're insecure about the seemingly large
number of sexual partners your new romantic interest has already been
with. Just how much sex should a person have in his or her lifetime?
According to a poll of 1000 male and female SeekingArrangements.com members, the perfect number of total partners is ten. And TheFrisky.com revealed that most women feel uncomfortable dating men who have slept with more than 25 ladies. Yet CDC data shows
that American males aged 25 to 44 have actually had sex with a median
of six women, while females of the same age have had sex with a median
of four men.
Perhaps you've already guessed where I'm going with
this, but I don't believe there's a definitive number of sexual partners
a person should aim for before tying the knot. Sexual experience can be
highly subjective – some still won't feel satisfied after sleeping with
dozens of people, while others are quite comfortable being with only
one person their entire life.
However, there are a few factors that will determine your own unique
"magic number." For one thing, strong religious beliefs might dictate
elements of an individual's sex life, or might even restrict someone
from engaging in sex before marriage altogether. On the other hand, some
simply have more elevated sex drives than others, requiring a wider
variety of partners and more regular encounters. And finally, everyone
moves at a different speed, maturing at a different rate. One man might be ready for sex earlier in a relationship (and at a younger age) than his friend.
But
you should never feel obliged to have sex for any reason but honest
desire. Whatever rules you may believe society maintains for sex have
nothing to do with your personal development. The "right" amount of
sexual experience is less about hitting a specific numerical goal, and
all about feeling good about the quality of sexual exploration that's
been had. Have you experimented with different scenarios, positions, and
relationship roles? For many people, satisfaction in those categories
can be reached with just a few partners.
Ultimately, the best
advice I can give boils down to this: When single, live (safely!)
without regrets -- but don't be afraid to dive into a relationship and
commit to true love when the opportunity does come along. Your own gut
will dictate what's right for you.
By Ethan Fixell
Dating: A Man's Perspective Expert
