The art of kissing

Kissing is an art and it takes research in order for you to do just right. Having kissed my fair share of frogs before I found the prince, it came to notice that there are so many adults out there who are going around committing what can only be termed as assault on the lips and general mouth area. Here are a few things that really have no place when you’re kissing someone.

The Smear Campaign
There is nothing as nauseating as a slobbery kiss. Have you ever kissed someone and thereafter felt like your puppy was licking your face? That’s a smear campaign. It is not only gross but also leaves an equally “icky” feeling on the face after the crime is committed. Keep it moist but not overflowing; kissing is not about exchanging bodily fluids in large quantities. If you need dental suckers get them because if you don’t, chances are you’ll be relegated to innocuous pecks on the cheek or even worse on the forehead.

The Gnasher
If you are kissing someone and somehow your teeth bump; you are on a slippery slope my friend. There’s nothing quite as irritating as “teeth bumping” with someone because frankly, how exactly do you manage to achieve that? Open your damn mouth you prude, it’s a kiss for crying out loud, not a nibble. The same goes for the lips. Lips are not a source of protein so stop with the bruising kisses. A friend of mine was treated to a toothy assault of her lips and had to wear salve for a week! Not cool, not cool at all.

The Suction Cup
If you watch any sort of TV or frequently come across bill boards then you should have figured out by now that lips are meant to be soft and supple and just a little pouty. Remarkably, as a kissing partner, you are not necessarily required make them so. Which is why sucking the lips to the point here they are getting distended is not the way to go when kissing. Try not to treat your partner’s lower (or upper) lip as you would a Sippy cup. No one wants “longer” lips and it is also quite uncomfortable bordering on painful – the bad kind of painful.

The Gapping Fish
I saw this happen the other day at a function and while it was tragically entertaining, I felt very sorry for both partners. It is gross and highly misinformed of you to try and take both lips of your partner into yours. Not only do you look ridiculously like a cartoon fish but it moots the whole pint of kissing. What, pray tell, is your poor partner supposed to do when you have trapped their mouth using yours? It also makes breathing very hard because during kissing, a lot of inhaling and exhaling is done through the mouth.

The Electric Eel
Know what to do once you enter into the murky waters of tonguing. A tantalizing touch and light duel is fine. What is not okay though is behaving like you have a craving for tonsils and a tongue like an electric eel. No one likes a tonsillectomy so here’s a tip; a human tongue is approximately 4 inches long, never use more than an inch and a half of it. Any more than than and you have crossed the line into the field of assault with a deadly weapon.


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Love Magazine: The art of kissing
The art of kissing
Love Magazine
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