Handling Girlfriends & More

Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to readers.

reader’s comment

Hi Dave, Love your stuff and these e-mails — really informative.
I've got a couple of points about the last set. 1) NLP can work in some cases, but usually as a backup to your stuff. Women love it at the right time but use it too much and you sound wussy. Don’t give up the Cocky & Funny approach — ever — in a relationship. Keep the woman guessing, unsure and bust other women while she's around you. You don't have to be trying to pick up women while she's there, just teasing shop assistants, waitresses, her friends, etc.



shows her you're in control and attractive to other women; they won't want to get rid of you then... ever. They love it and it keeps them on their toes. It makes you unpredictable, confident, assertive (in a positive way), and not needy and wussy. 2) One 37-year-old guy in a previous e-mail said he felt he couldn't approach younger women. He didn't want to be thought of as a creepy old guy. Well, I'm 48, split three years ago (I've three kids), thought my world had ended and I'd no future. I could've retreated to a lonely cocoon-like existence, but decided, "What the hell; it's my turn now!" This really pissed off my ex-wife who wanted to split. I began to study everything I could find on women, how they thought (or didn't think), what made them tick (or didn't), why — to us guys — they were so irrational, the "let's just be friends" thing, etc. The only thing I've found that really works is your stuff (I've had the book for ages). I have had loads of success with younger women (20s and 30s). My current girl is 34, attractive and I feel like a million dollars when I walk into a club or bar with my piece of arm candy (other women never stop looking and you know they're attracted to a guy who can pull younger women — they're curious, it's amazing). She says this is the best relationship she's ever had. So, my advice to older men is ignore everyone, go have some fun and approach who the hell you like, just use the Cocky & Funny routine and you will succeed more than you'll fail. Life's too short, so get out there and enjoy. I wouldn't have believed it could be like this. Thanks for everything and helping me get a life back.

Nice. I like the sound of that, a woman telling me that I'm "creating a super-race of more interesting men to date." Love it. OK, here's the deal in a nutshell: If a guy learns everything that I'm teaching, he will not only be more interesting to , he'll be more interesting to have a with and more interesting to . Why? Because he won't be a . He won't be . He won't be . He won't act all the time. When he does find an exceptional woman and he chooses to "settle down" and have a deep, authentic relationship with a special girl, he'll be the kind of guy that every woman alive wants to be with. He'll know the game well enough to , and he'll also know the game well enough to if he doesn't need to. Trust me; this is all a good thing. I appreciate your e-mail and your comments. Congratulations. One thing that really stood out for me in your letter was: "It had been a while and I had moved on, so I (naturally) acted like I didn't want her, and I busted her balls in every way possible. She laughed so hard and got really excited. Well, the next month she called me about 10 times to try to set up a time to meet." Women have a very specialized and highly advanced "Wuss Detection System." One of the clues that they use in Wuss-Detection is when a guy is overly clingy or shows interest. I know that this doesn't make a whole bunch of sense, but then again, almost makes logical sense when it comes to . Keep up the good work, and I hope you're able to put your relationship back together; sounds like it was a great thing.

J., Edinburgh, Scotland

You've made some great points here. Let me comment on one or two of them. One thing you mentioned is demonstrating how you can control situations with women, so that the woman you're with knows it. It's always interesting to me how competitive women are. And there's nothing quite like a woman knowing that her man can meet other women whenever he wants. In fact, I'll bet that a large percentage of women who stay in bad situations with men are only there because they know that their man can go meet other women anytime he wants, and they just can't deal with the jealousy that it triggers. So, they stay.

 I know this doesn't make much logical sense, but hey, it's reality. Now, as you know, I really don't like the idea of "manipulating" women by lying and playing with their emotions for your enjoyment. If, however, you naturally like to have fun with other people, and your girl just happens to be there when you're joking around with the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop, then you'll probably get some big benefits from it.

You also mentioned that when you decided to start learning about how to be more successful with women it pissed off your ex. That's pretty typical. I mean, let's face it (just between us guys) you probably allowed yourself to become a pretty boring, predictable husband. So, now that you're getting your game together, she's thinking to herself: "That jackass! Why didn't he act like this before? Now other women get to enjoy the part of my man that I always wanted more of."

A lot of guys write me to ask how they can get their ex-girlfriend back. The reality is that the reason she probably left you is because you had no game. You were about as sexually interesting to her as Homer Simpson. If you want to get her back, go learn how to make women feel attraction, and then date other women. And if it's possible to fix your relationship, that combination usually does the trick pretty nicely.

reader’s comment (from a woman)

Dave, No, I am not going to flood you with “you da man” comments. But I do think that you are on to something. Many of my gals and I often discuss how it is so messed and twisted that your suggestions truly do work. We often find ourselves sliding out from uncomfortably stuffy relationships and gravitating toward the hard-to-get ones. However, those are the relationships that leave a girl insecure and, frankly, crazy. Is there ever a point when this little game will leave both the girl and the guy happy? At what level can a man truly be honest with a girl and stop yankin’ her two steps foward and one step back. If he cares about her and, dare I say, loves her, when can he say it? I mean, even if you as a guy are "winning," and get the girl and she, as the girl is "winning" because she is attracted and interested in her man; ultimately you're both losing because it isn’t real, it is just trying to win a little game. I know few girls who want to play the game all there lives and it could only last so long. I am going to go out on a limb and generalize big time when I say that all anyone really wants is to be genuinely cared about and to genuinely care about someone else. Your ”game” kinda cheapens that. But I do appreciate how your creating a super-race of more interesting men to date.

By  David DeAngelo