By Caroline Décoste, Espresso
Breaking up is never fun. But sometimes, you have to face reality—you no longer have anything in common and there’s no point in staying together. Whether out of fear, laziness, or nostalgia, people stay together for many bad reasons. Here are 30 of the worst excuses for not breaking up.
Thinking you won’t find someone better
When your relationship goes bad, it can affect your self-esteem and make you think it’s this or nothing—if you leave, you’ll never find anything better. Nothing could be further from the truth: there are great partners everywhere, so don’t stay in a bad relationship out of fear.
You like your in-laws
Along with worrying that you’ll lose your mutual friends, you might also be afraid of losing your relationship with your in-laws. Of course, the period immediately following a separation can be difficult, but nothing says you can’t stay in touch with people you like.
Your family likes your partner
Neither your parents nor your siblings know all the details of your relationship. That’s why they can make you think that breaking up is a bad idea, especially if they like the person you’re currently spending your life with. But because they love you, they will eventually come to understand your decision.
Your partner keeps apologizing
Saying “sorry” all the time doesn’t make up for past mistakes—some actions or behaviours can’t be swept away by a convincing apology. If you feel hurt on a regular basis, apologies won’t change anything—you have to get to the root of the problem.
You think you’re not worthy of love
Frequent arguments can make you think you’re the cause of all the problems in your relationship and that you’re not doing enough of this or you’re doing too much of that, according to your partner. By undermining your self-esteem, your failing relationship can make you feel like you simply don’t deserve to be loved. But perhaps it’s your partner who doesn’t deserve the love you give them.
Because you’ve been together for a long time
Whether it’s been 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years, if your relationship seems doomed to fail, don’t let the past blind you. You haven’t “lost” those 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years—you’ve spent that time learning, and that has shaped your life. Staying together because you’ve been together for a long time will only keep your relationship limping along for even longer. Break free without feeling guilty!
Because you hate dating
Getting back on the dating scene isn’t easy, and can be even more difficult if you have kids, are divorced, or have just gotten out of a long-term relationship. Look on the bright side: you don’t have to rush into a monogamous relationship right away! Enjoy being single and have fun meeting different people without putting pressure on yourself.
Because they’re a great catch
On paper, your partner is perfect: good looks, great career, nice stuff… It’s easy to be seduced by superficial things, but superficiality doesn’t equal love and solid relationships aren’t built on qualities that can disappear at any moment.
For stability
Are you the type of person who has their head in the clouds and tends to be a bit immature, and your partner is your rock? That’s not a good reason to stay together—so that you can be cared for like a child. Work on yourself, become an independent adult. Your next relationship will be even more fulfilling.
For the creature comforts
Not wanting to lose a car, not being able to go on vacation as often, having to live on a tighter budget—none of these should be a reason to stay together. When you think about being single again, remember: there’s more to life than creature comforts.
For the kids
Staying together for the kids is a terrible idea. They aren’t stupid, they know you’re not happy. They won’t suffer because of the separation if they are well prepared for it. Another terrible reason to stay together—worse than for the kids—is staying together for your pet!
Because you’re scared of the future
Obviously, change can be scary. You don’t know what life has in store for you. People often view things pessimistically instead of viewing this chance at new love with a positive attitude.
Having false hope
When you try to convince yourself that “everything will work out” by itself, like magic, even if you don’t really believe it anymore—that’s a clear sign you have to end your relationship right away. Living with false hope is not a healthy way to build a relationship.
Because you’re “too old”
“Single at my age? What a disaster!” Your age shouldn’t stop you from wanting a fulfilling romantic relationship. Love is ageless—there’s no expiry date for becoming single again.
To avoid possible regret
When you’re on the cusp of making a big decision, you might be afraid of making a mistake. You can end up in a vicious circle of potential regrets: “Am I making a mistake?” “What if I regret it?” “What if, what if?”
To keep the house
Some people place significant sentimental value on their home and won’t consider leaving because they wouldn’t be able to afford to keep it on just their salary. So they stay in a relationship that makes no sense to keep their dream home.
To share chores
Just the idea of being alone in your home and having to do all the chores yourself might make you want to give your relationship a second (third? fourth?) chance. Obviously, asking “Who’s going to mow the lawn?” is a terrible reason to stay together.
Out of guilt
Guilt is one of the strongest emotions when someone decides to leave their partner. You feel bad that you’re causing them so much pain. Sometimes that’s enough to make you stay, even though your heart is telling you to leave.
To avoid being lonely
“Who will I eat dinner with?” “Will I be forced to eat alone in front of the TV?” “Will I grow old alone?” No one wants to admit it, but being alone is scary. But you have to conquer it—it could be a good opportunity to rediscover who you really are.
For the money
Obviously, a breakup can have a big impact on your pocketbook, especially if you’re used to a certain lifestyle. But money can never replace the joy of sharing your life with someone that truly makes you happy.
Because of what other people might think
It’s crazy how much we worry about what other people think. We fear their judgment and what they might say. Just thinking of having to break the news to them can make us want to hide under the covers for a few months.
Being nostalgic for the good old days
Once the decision has been made, it’s strongly suggested that you don’t spend an entire evening looking through photo albums and videos of your happy days together. You should avoid stirring up memories that may make you reconsider your decision.
For the fear of being forever alone
Breakups happen! The first months of single life might not be that scary, but what if it drags on? “Will I survive?” “What if I’m single for the rest of my life?” Sometimes, we can be a bit dramatic…
For the sex
Between the sheets, everything’s great, but that’s not a good enough reason to stay with your partner. A life together can’t be based solely on sexual intimacy—the relationship must be balanced.
For your mutual friends
Over the years, you’ve developed mutual friends. When you break up, there’s a risk you’ll lose a few. This can make you hesitate about making the final decision to stay or go.
To avoid having to move
Planning a move, leaving your home, and finding and decorating a new place to live can seem like the impossible. Try to look on the bright side: it’s a transition period that won’t last forever.
Because of blackmail
“You can’t do this to me!” “Think of everything we’ve been through.” “After everything I’ve done for you?” These types of nasty comments should be a clear sign that you’re in a toxic relationship or that your partner is using emotional blackmail to make you stay. Watch out for these red flags!
To avoid failure
A breakup can be seen as a personal failure and some people just can’t handle that. Of course, this wasn’t your “life plan,” but a breakup can also be a new beginning.
In the hope they’ll keep their promises
Beautiful-sounding promises like “I’ll change…,” “We can go to counselling this time…,” and “I promise I’ll…” shouldn’t influence your decision. What if they’re just hollow words? You have to base your decision on facts, not promises.
Because you love them
Love looms large. But sometimes you have to face the painful reality: you can really love someone and be unable to share a life with them. These kinds of breakups are hard, as they can be very emotional, but your love won’t save your relationship if everything else has failed.
