Can a Marriage Survive If You Realize Your Partner is Actually Quite Stupid?

Can a marriage survive if you realize your partner is actually quite stupid?

By Rebecca Reid,

Imagine if you married someone, had kids with them and the realized one day, much to your dismay, that the person in question was actually so lack in intelligence that he’d make Love Island look like a MENSA gathering.

The woman in question, whose username we’ve chosen not to share with respect for her privacy, wrote:

‘I’ve been with my H for 9 years now. When I met him he was really immature, we both were I guess, we were both well known big drinkers at uni.

‘When we had our daughter we had a lot of bumps in the road regarding him carrying on drinking like he wasn’t now a parent etc, but he’s completely overcome it.

‘Anyway I posted a while ago on here about things that he had done as parent regarding our children’s safety and someone asked me if he was actually a bit ‘village’ because he really does stupid stuff that I can’t fathom for a 30 year old man.

‘Even his mum seems confused sometimes and asks me questions about why he does stuff and I’m stumped for a response because she doesn’t seem to understand that he lacks that common sense and initiative.

‘Initially I felt really sad that I realized this wasn’t all a phase or down to maturity and that he is actually a little more than just lacking in common sense. Then I decided that I love him anyway, and I don’t want to leave, but it’s hard to cope with someone you have to explain everything to and isn’t on the same cognitive level as you. I enjoy a good debate and things like that but he just doesn’t have an interest in anything but sport really. He is happy for me to be dominant in our relationship and call the shots but never offers his opinion on our children and the way they are raised. I found this frustrating, but after so long I just gave up and accepted it.

‘I guess you could say I’m a bit dim myself though for not realizing that about him for so long.’

Oh boy.

The replies are, in the traditional style of Mumsnet, quite harsh. One poster wrote:

‘I couldn’t stay with someone long term in that situation. Once the kids are grown up and gone, you don’t have them as a distraction anymore. It’s just the two of you, making conversation. I couldn’t do that with someone not just less intelligent but also lacking common sense with everyday subjects and activities. Maybe find something you can enjoy together to bridge that gap?’

‘I’d find it hard to feel a lot of respect for someone like this, and – to be honest – without respect the relationship is probably doomed. Sorry’, said another.

Sadly the post was anonymous so we can’t track down the couple and find out whether they’ve split, but it raises an interesting question. Could you sustain a relationship with someone who you’ve realized is much, much stupider than you?

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Love Magazine: Can a Marriage Survive If You Realize Your Partner is Actually Quite Stupid?
Can a Marriage Survive If You Realize Your Partner is Actually Quite Stupid?
'Even his mum seems confused sometimes and asks me questions of why he does stuff and I’m stumped for a response because she doesn’t seem to understand that he lacks common sense and initiative.'
Love Magazine
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