By
Jennifer Hussein,
INSIDER
Let's face it - sometimes, we can all get a little too aggressive, especially when it comes to dating. What some of us may consider playful flirting, others may see as coming on a little strong. We live and learn from these moments, but sometimes it's the hard way.
If your Tinder dates end up abruptly sizzling out with a bunch of unanswered texts, then you may be a little too aggressive with your dating style. INSIDER asked experts to weigh in on some signs that you may want to back off a bit at first.
You text first — all the time.
Texting first every once in a while isn't a bad thing at all. With that being said, if you're texting first every time and you're getting curt responses, it's a pretty clear sign that your fling is starting to burn out, according to certified counselor and co-founder of Double Trust Dating, Jonathan Bennett.
"If you do most of the talking or texting with another person, it's a sign you're coming on too strong," he said. "For example, you write long blocks of text, but the other person gives a one or two word reply. In most cases, the other person isn't that interested and is trying to give you a hint."
There's a chance they haven't tried to reach out to you because they're ready to move on, and texting them first all of the time just seems too eager. So, if they really want to talk to you, let them make the first move for once.
You make a habit of double, triple, or quadruple texting.
Of course, you can text someone whenever you want, but texting "lol" or a row of question marks two hours after your last text isn't probably isn't going to make them respond any faster. They're probably busy, or maybe they just don't want to talk. It's best to let them respond to you if they want to instead of sending multiple follow-ups.
"If someone has a life and is busy at work, it's fun to hear from them a few times a day when you first start dating, but creating a digital novel is too much, too soon," said award-winning dating coach and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira.
You often linger or tag along without being invited.
After the date is over, did they invite you over to their apartment, or did you invite yourself in? Lingering is not only annoying, but it can be jarring and an invasion of their personal space.
"If you're forgetting that this new person your dating has their own life, you might be coming off way too strong," said TooTimid's sex and relationship expert, Bethany Ricciardi. "You don't want to ask them to hang out every night, or tag along during errands and events they have going on. If they want you there they'll invite you and sometimes people just need their alone time."
Unless your potential suitor asks you to come over, don't go to their apartment to throw rocks at their window while you blare Peter Gabriel on a boombox - your love interest (and their neighbors) will not appreciate it.
You constantly check their social media.
We all check someone's social media profile before going on a date with them, and that's perfectly fine. It's a great way to learn a little bit about them, and to see if you both will be a good fit for one another. But, if you can recite their Facebook feed by heart and set alerts for every moment they post something, then it's time for you to get off of the social media.
"Have you ever met someone once or twice and then have them tagging you in a bunch of romantic memes or even worse, posting about you in their story?" Ricciardi said. "Nothing will get someone to run the opposite way faster than bringing the public's attention to this new dating situation. If you both haven't even determined what 'this' is yet, you should avoid tagging them in funny marriage posts."
There's absolutely no need to check out all of their tagged photos and posts multiple times a day, so make sure you're keeping the Insta-stalking to a minimum.
You’re trying to define the relationship too soon.
Don't try to turn something fresh and new into a long-term romance. If you're hearing wedding bells in your head on the first date, keep them to yourself. Trying to DTR after just a month of dating is not only way too soon, but it can freak your date out and make them run as far away as possible.
And you might want to avoid saying "I love you" by the first date. According to research provided exclusively to INSIDER by OkCupid, 75% of the dating site's six million respondents said that it's scary when someone drops the "I love you" bomb on them by the first date.
So, tuck away the white dress for a few months, and if you've been dating for awhile, then having the defining talk as civilly and calm as possible is fine. Just make sure you respect your partner's feelings and their perspective on the relationship.
You’re not giving them space.
It's best to give anyone some space - especially someone that you're just getting to know.
"People who come on too strong generally have an anxious attachment style," said sex and intimacy educator and coach and author of the book, "Living an Orgasmic Life," Xanet Pailet. "They crave intimacy but are often over-sensitive to the moods of their partners. There is a fear of losing them and this shows up as being clingy or needy which can actually drive them away, especially in the beginning of a relationship."
