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| © Unsplash/NeONBRAND My Son Is Adopted, and Yes, I Am His Real Mother |
By Cindee Badalamente, PopSugar
My son has been told something about me far too many times in his
life - something that's been said to adopted children for as long as I
can remember: that I'm not his "real" mom. One day when he was in first
grade, he cried all the way home from school
after hearing it. I tried not to get too annoyed, reminding myself that
most kids aren't intentionally being cruel. They just don't know any
better.
Asking someone who is adopted
about their "real" parents, or saying the parents they have aren't
their "real" ones, might be an easy way to explain adoption, but it's
not at all accurate. Adoptive parents are that child's real parents, no
matter which way you look at it. We're the ones kissing away pains from
bumps and bruises, cheering them on at sporting events, scheduling
doctor appointments, changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, and showering
them with more hugs and kisses than they care to get. Those are things
"real" parents do, and those children are 100 percent ours. My son is 100 percent mine.
Most
of the time, adopted children hear those types of comments from other
kids. My son has heard it from neighbors, kids at school, and even his
own cousins. And since kids usually repeat things they hear or are told,
every parent in general needs to help educate their little ones that
just because a child doesn't come from his mother's belly doesn't make them any less her child. Families are formed in all sorts of ways, and no way is better or more valid than the other.
Many
adopted children are also already insecure about their status in the
home. Some, like mine, were adopted out of the foster care system, so
they're even more acutely sensitive to the family dynamic. My son always
thought I was going to leave him or give him back, so hearing that I
was not his "real mom" was especially distressing for him. At 14, he can
now brush it off as a minor annoyance, but I still hope he never hears
it again.
Adoption simply means that a child has had more than one set of parents, and that all of those parents are real. I didn't give birth to my son, but I am his mother. I am real.
