Being
in a serious relationship ultimately means merging two lives into one.
And when that happens, it’s inevitable that you’re both going to have to
make some compromises. There are the little things, like which peanut
butter to buy, to throw laundry in a basket or right in the machine, and
where to go on your vacation. These things are the stuff of daily life,
and a little flexibility goes a long way.
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Then there are the bigger compromises, which shouldn’t be taken
lightly. In fact, there are certain compromises that may force you to
question staying in the relationship. Besides your health and safety
(which, needless to say, should never be compromised) here are 10 other
subtle yet significant compromises you should never make, no matter how
much you love your partner.
Your Dreams and Goals
Especially when you’re young, you need to go after your goals with
vigor and fire. “If your goal is to become an engineer and you got a
great job opportunity in a city away from your partner, you should
absolutely take it,” says Alli Owen,
a life coach specializing in relationships. “If that partner is mature
and respectful, s/he will honor your goals and support you in pursuing
them.” If you give up your dreams for another, you may come to resent
them later on.
Your Values
This is who you are at your very soul. If you’re not a big drinker,
but your partner is and it’s affecting your relationship in negative
ways, it’s okay to give them an ultimatum. Owen says your partner should
respect your major life priorities—whether it’s health, family, or
career—and want to be a better person, not only for you but with you.
“If you always envisioned marrying a person of a particular faith or
religion, wait to settle down until you find that person.”
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Your Lifestyle
Let’s say you’ve always wanted at least two kids and a life in the
suburbs, but your partner doesn’t want kids and prefers to live in the
city. The life you want might seem suffocating to your partner, and you
can’t compromise on that without one of you being miserable. The best
thing to do is stop prolonging the inevitable and end the relationship.
There’s no use wasting anyone’s time if your life vision doesn’t align.
Your Family and Friends
Be wary of any partner who tries to keep you from seeing your family
and friends. It’s normal to see less of them because now you’re spending
more time with your partner, and while some possessiveness may make you
feel wanted and special in the beginning, it can also be a red flag of
things to come later in the relationship. As Kristen Fuller, M.D. writes,
healthy friendships can help you cultivate healthier relationships and
be healthier, overall. “Studies have shown that older people with
friends are more likely to live a healthier happier life than those who
do not have many close friends.”
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MORE: The 17 Most Common Mistakes in Early Relationships
Your Self-Worth
We should all expect to be treated with love and respect by our
significant others. Our partners should stand by our side through good
times and bad, and shouldn’t be making us feel bad about ourselves.
Don’t accept verbal (or, of course, physical) abuse in your
relationship. Unhealthy communication can be seriously damaging to your
self-esteem.
Your Principles
You may not even realize you’re doing this. Relationship expert Chris Armstrong
says often, men and women concede to their partners desire to be able
to text or flirt with others. “The conversation is generally followed by
phrases like: ‘They’re still coming home to me,” or, “S/he’s just being
friendly.” Flirting is a sign your partner needs someone else to
fulfill any part of their needs… which could even just be their ego.
Don’t put up with it unless you’re genuinely okay with it.
The Type of Relationship You Want
It should never be okay for your partner to pressure you into doing
things you don’t want to do, says Rori Sassoon, a professional
matchmaker and CEO of Platinum Poire.
“For example: Having an open relationship, a threesome, or anything
else that makes you uncomfortable in your relationship. Inviting another
person into your relationship is a big decision that can create
jealousy when you want to be strengthening your intimate bond.”
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Your Need for Communication
“He/she is probably just really busy”, “He/She doesn’t like to talk
on the phone”. Having communication compatibility is more important than
many realize when it comes to relationships. If you really need to
converse often with your partner and it seems like they ignore or only
prefer to text, it could present communication issues further down the
road, especially with big issues. We often take less consistent
communication than we need by making excuses for our partner. The truth
is you are either a priority or you’re not.
Your Financial Security
These
days, having your finances in check is important if you plan on buying a
house, taking out loans, or dream of retiring early. And, your
partner’s bad credit or spending habits can eventually impact you.
“If financially they are taking from you and not contributing to
expenses, there is nothing to compromise here. They must stop,” says
Sassoon. If it feels like you’re constantly footing the bill and
mooching off of you, it’s best to keep your accounts and finances
separate and plan very inexpensive dates until they get their finances
together.
