If you're paying any attention at all to the current
political landscape, then you'll have noticed a lot of people talking
about how things need to change. I don't know if it's specifically an
American sentiment, or just a human one, but we spend a lot of time in
this country trying to find the scapegoat for all of our problems. We
have certain ideals about the way the world should be, and then we get
angry when people--or elected officials, or corporations or
whatever--don't live up to those ideals. And then, of course, we demand
that they change.
It's hard not to see this as a strategy that's
built to fail. Trying to control how someone else behaves is fool's
errand. And it's just as pointless in the public sphere as it is in a
relationship. The simple fact is, if you want the world, or your
relationship, to be better, it begins and ends with you.
[post_ads]It's a
hard thing to grasp because, in a way, it seems so hopeless. You can't
change anyone, you can only change yourself. So what happens if everyone
is a jerk but you? Well, whether you improve yourself or not, people
are going to behave how they behave. The only difference is that if you
try to change them, you'll end up being even more frustrated.
I really think it's true of both a relationship and a society:
you have to go into it with no other expectation than that you'll try to
be the best possible person you can. And then, of course, you can hope
that your partner will do the same thing. But you can't expect it, and
you certainly can't demand it. You are the only one you can control,
which means that, when it comes to making your relationship better, and
the world better, all you can worry about is you.
People are
going to do what they do. But you can be good. You can be kind. You can
be gracious and wise. And generally, mystically I suppose, when you are,
it often comes right back at you. It's funny how kind and generous
people tend to radiate that outward, often making people return the
favor. And they don't do it by any other means than being kind and
generous.
Work on yourself to be a better person, and your relationship will very likely follow. It's really the only thing you can do.
