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Sorry, Your Stuff Always Comes Second

How to be considerate of your partner's needs when moving.


By Scott Christian, The Nest

I have a married friend who's upgrading to a bigger apartment at the end of the month. In other parts of the country that may not be a huge deal, but here in New York City, it's a monumental achievement. One extra cupboard and you're gushing about it for months. What he's most excited about is that it's a two-bedroom, and the second bedroom will finally provide enough space for his sneaker collection. It's a bitter­sweet celebration, though, as he knows the joy will short term. Eventually, that room will be needed for something much more important.

[post_ads]In this case, the upgrade is happening because they need a spare room as an office, but they also plan to one day have a kid. And when that kid comes along, the sneaker collection, unless they can afford a big house in the suburbs, will have to go. This may not seem like a big deal, they're just shoes, but parting a sneakerhead from his sneaker collection is like separating conjoined twins - ­­it's a long, painful process that often ends in complications.

Very likely my buddy will try to come up with ways to limit the damage once the day arrives, but the truth is, it's a losing battle, or at least it should be. Your stuff, after all, should never come at the expense of your relationship. It sounds trite to say it, but we live in such stuff­-obsessed times, and putting your partner first can sometimes be harder than expected. You begin to find all sorts of justifications - ­­it'll increase in value, or it has sentimental value. And while those may be technically true, they don't matter. Love matters. Your relationship matters. The stuff you own is just filler.
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That said, there needs to be balance and compassion when it comes to unloading the stuff. It wouldn't exactly be fair for my friend to give up his sneaker collection while his wife keeps three closets worth of clothes. Not that you can always go tit­-for-­tat, but you should be in the ballpark of fairness. And you need to show compassion towards the person unloading the stuff. It doesn't mean as much as your relationship, but it still means something. The key is remembering that your stuff is not going to love you, it's not going to take care of you when you're sick, or support you when you're down. Nor will it celebrate with you when you're up. So if it's getting in the way of you loving each other, ditch it. Because at the end of the day, stuff is just stuff.

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Love Magazine: Sorry, Your Stuff Always Comes Second
Sorry, Your Stuff Always Comes Second
How to be considerate of your partner's needs when moving.
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