I have a married friend who's upgrading to a bigger
apartment at the end of the month. In other parts of the country that
may not be a huge deal, but here in New York City, it's a monumental
achievement. One extra cupboard and you're gushing about it for months.
What he's most excited about is that it's a two-bedroom, and the second
bedroom will finally provide enough space for his sneaker collection.
It's a bittersweet celebration, though, as he knows the joy will short
term. Eventually, that room will be needed for something much more
important.
[post_ads]In this case, the upgrade is happening because they
need a spare room as an office, but they also plan to one day have a
kid. And when that kid comes along, the sneaker collection, unless they
can afford a big house in the suburbs, will have to go. This may not
seem like a big deal, they're just shoes, but parting a sneakerhead from
his sneaker collection is like separating conjoined twins - it's a
long, painful process that often ends in complications.
Very
likely my buddy will try to come up with ways to limit the damage once
the day arrives, but the truth is, it's a losing battle, or at least it
should be. Your stuff, after all, should never come at the expense of
your relationship. It sounds trite to say it, but we live in such
stuff-obsessed times, and putting your partner first can sometimes be
harder than expected. You begin to find all sorts of justifications -
it'll increase in value, or it has sentimental value. And while those
may be technically true, they don't matter. Love matters. Your
relationship matters. The stuff you own is just filler.
[post_ads_2]
That said, there needs to be balance and compassion when it
comes to unloading the stuff. It wouldn't exactly be fair for my friend
to give up his sneaker collection while his wife keeps three closets
worth of clothes. Not that you can always go tit-for-tat, but you
should be in the ballpark of fairness. And you need to show compassion
towards the person unloading the stuff. It doesn't mean as much as your
relationship, but it still means something. The key is remembering that
your stuff is not going to love you, it's not going to take care of you
when you're sick, or support you when you're down. Nor will it celebrate
with you when you're up. So if it's getting in the way of you loving
each other, ditch it. Because at the end of the day, stuff is just
stuff.
