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17 Frequently Asked Questions About Kissing

Teens Wonder About Kissing


Kissing is one of life's most innocent guilty pleasures. It is something teens think and worry about. Are you doing it right? What are the different kinds of kissing? Who should you kiss and when? Here are 17 of the most frequently asked questions about kissing by teens


When is it OK to give somebody a first kiss? Is it OK to kiss on the first date?
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Yes, it is OK to kiss on the first date. It isn't timing that matters when deciding to kiss somebody, it is feelings that count.

Do you like this person? Do you think s/he likes you back? Are you attracted to each other? Do you feel comfortable enough with this person to get intimate? Do you trust him/her and his/her intentions toward you? Are you willing to risk your feelings on a kiss with somebody you do not know well or trust yet?

These are the sorts of things you need to consider when thinking about whether or not to kiss somebody. If you answered yes to the first five questions on this list then it looks like you are in the right place mentally to kiss and it doesn't matter whether that happens on the first date or on the tenth date. When it is right, your heart and mind will be in agreement and you will know. 


How can I tell if a person wants a kiss?
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The obvious answer to this question is "just ask", but most teens are not comfortable being that forward. FYI: lots of people think it is very sweet and romantic to be asked, something like, "I really like you and would love to kiss you right now, may I?" usually gets the message across in a nonchalant kind of way.
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If you don't feel suave enough to pull this off there are some clues to be found in body language. If somebody is open to being kissed they are likely to sit close to you, smile and laugh a lot, lick their lips, run their fingers through their own hair or yours, touch your arm, shoulder or face, and frequently tilt their head.

Other tell-tale signs include suggestions that the two of you go somewhere private or quiet, that you go somewhere to be alone, or that you go someplace to talk. Maybe s/he will beat you to the punch and ask you to kiss them... stranger things have happened.


How can I let a person know that I want to be kissed?


Again, the obvious answer here is "speak up", let the person you want to kiss you know by saying something like, "Is there any chance you might want to kiss me tonight?" If being forward is not your thing you really don't have much else to go with, as the saying goes, the ball is not in your court. You can send out signals by being attentive to the object of your affections, you can smile, stay close by and touch him/her discreetly. Other than that, the only thing you can do is wait for, and hope that, s/he will make the first move.


How do I politely put on the brakes when my steady starts pushing kissing to the next level?
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At a time like this being polite should be the least of your worries. Being diplomatic is all you should be concerned about. Start by gently pushing him/her away and saying that things are going father than you want. That should work. If it doesn't, your partner isn't being polite and you shouldn't be too bothered about doing so either. Push harder, and be firmer in what you say, stand up and move away from him/her if necessary. If /she is really unyielding you may have to get angry to be heard. Don't be shy; this is your body and you are the only person who gets to decide what to do with it. Chances are very good that your partner will stop when you first put up the stop signals, so it is unlikely that things will have to get ugly. But if you do need to assert yourself to make the other person stop, do not be afraid to do so, living with the fact that somebody bullied you into being more intimate than you wanted to be is never a nice thing.


What is a Butterfly Kiss and how do I do it?

A Butterfly Kiss is a kiss that does not involve the lips. It is when two people put their eyes close to each other and flutter their eyelashes. Think blinking really fast while pressing your face to another person.


What is an Eskimo Kiss and how do I do it?

An Eskimo Kiss is another kiss that does not involve the lips. In an Eskimo Kiss two people rub their noses together gently. 


What is a French Kiss and how do I do it?

A French Kiss is an open mouth kiss that involves moving your tongue in and out of your partner's mouth as they do the same. It is a kind of kiss that requires practice and most people find it sloppy and unpleasant at first. More: How To French Kiss


I have braces, is there a trick to kissing with these things on so that neither one of us gets cut?
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Yes, the trick to kissing when one of you wears braces is simple; be gentle. Do not get all hot and heavy, keep the kissing soft and sweet. You may want to control the pace since you (as the person with the braces) will get the worst of any cutting. If things get too fast and furious take a break and nicely remind your partner that you have metal braces on your mouth that kind of hurt when the kissing gets hard. S/he will most likely be very understanding and if s/he isn't, why would you want to go on kissing them anyway?


My steady has bad breath which makes kissing not so fun, how can I let him/her know without hurting his/her feelings?

The kindest way to handle this is the most subtle, invest in breath spray or mints and before the two of you start kissing pop one yourself. Turn to your date and say, "I think fresh breath should be a kissing priority, don't you?" then give him/her a mint or hand over the breath spray. When you phrase it like this it doesn't allow for a "no thanks" response and is non-threatening since you freshened your breath as well.


Is kissing somebody else when you are in a relationship considered cheating?
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Yes, and no. 99.9% of the population would consider this cheating but a very small number of people would not. In a relationship you need to establish these limits before you ever find yourself in the situation to test them. If you do not know for a fact that your steady is OK with you kissing somebody else then yes, doing so would be cheating. If you know your steady would be OK with it you still have somebody else to think about, namely the other person you are kissing. How will s/he feel when you stay with your current flame? Does s/he know you are spoken for and understand that you have no intention of breaking things off over a kiss? Are you sure that your steady really won't be hurt or is s/he saying it is OK out of a fear of losing you if s/he says otherwise. This is a complicated matter and life is complicated enough! When you are committed to one person you have no business being with another; why make things more complicated than they need be?


If I kiss somebody in the heat of the moment does that mean I have to start a relationship with him/her?

No. Kissing somebody does not mean you have to start dating them exclusively. In fact, it may be that you don't even want to date them at all. While it is never a good idea to kiss on a lark, it does happen. If you find yourself in this situation don't make things worse by ignoring the person you kissed or treating them like they don't matter. Come clean straight away. Tell them that you were caught up in a moment and that you really don't have any romantic feelings toward them. Apologize for leading him/her on and mean it. Let them know that you never meant to hurt their feelings but that you have to be honest. Be prepared for the fallout; rumors, angry looks from his/her friends, anger, and take it as it comes, after all you did lead somebody on. It won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do. 


Why do I sometimes get red and tender patches around my mouth after kissing my boyfriend?

Razor burn, the tenderness and redness you speak of happens when a guy's 6 o'clock shadow rubs against your skin and irritates it. Prolonged kissing is the most common culprit, but it can happen with just a few well-performed kisses as well. There is little you can do to avoid the situation except kiss with less intensity, kiss less often or insist that he be very clean-shaven before every date. 


How can I tell if I am a good kisser?
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You can't. What some people think is great kissing, others may dislike. Some people like light tender kissing while others prefer to get all hot and heavy. It is really a matter of preference, practice and chemistry that determines how good you are at kissing. There are a few kissing don'ts that are agreed upon by most people; thumbs down to wet and slobbery kisses, over eager partners, unromantic gestures, overly busy hands and too much tongue.


Is kissing your pillow really a good way to practice?

Not really. Pillows can't kiss back and are nothing like a real person. While practicing on your pillow can't hurt it won't make you look kiss like a Casanova either. The best practice always come from kissing a real person who you have real feelings for.   


I kissed a friend of the same sex, does this mean that I am gay?
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It might, or it might not. There is more involved in being gay than simply who you kiss at any given moment in time. Are you attracted to the person you kissed? Are you generally attracted to people of the same gender? Are you attracted to people of the opposite sex? Do you find it hard to connect with people of the opposite sex on a romantic level? When (if) you have opposite sex relationships do you feel like something is missing or is not right? Do you have same sex romantic fantasies? These are the types of things that determine whether or not you are gay, not one kiss. 


When making out with somebody how far do you HAVE to go? If you stop too soon are you really a tease?

You only ever have to go as far as you want to go. Kissing somebody is not a promise of something more later. You are not leading somebody on or being a tease because you don't want to move beyond kissing or because you want to stop kissing at a different point then your partner. Anybody who suggest otherwise is not worthy of your kisses in the first place. Ideally kissing should be part of a relationship built on trust, caring, respect and friendship. A person who is in the relationship for the right reasons would never need to make you feel bad about wanting to stop.    


What is meant by first, second, and third base and homerun?
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This one always confused me as a teen too. I was never sure what the lingo meant, although I was sure that homerun meant having sex. So, I asked around and was surprised to lean that most of my buddies aren't 100% on this one either. The general consensus seems to be the following; first base = kissing, second base = kissing and touching over clothes, third base = kissing and touching under clothes, home = sex. Now in my opinion these terms are usually used when reliving events for friends and are not a part of any moment of intimacy. Who ever got romantic by asking if they could make it to second base? If you want to know what this means so you can decipher the gossip you hear around school, fine, but if you are looking for the right words to describe your own activities you may want to think for a moment. When you get intimate with somebody there is an implied trust that should not be ignored. If you gossip about what you did you are betraying that trust and what does that say about you? The baseball analogy is a pretty immature way to talk about some very mature stuff and aren't you better than that?   

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Love Magazine: 17 Frequently Asked Questions About Kissing
17 Frequently Asked Questions About Kissing
Teens Wonder About Kissing
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