By Cathy Meyer
Divorce Support Expert, about.com
Question: My Cheating Husband Wants the Marriage and the Other Woman
My
husband had an affair and the result was a baby. He does not want a
divorce because we own a business together and he can’t stand the idea
of being away from our daughter. He has told me he does not love me and is still seeing the other woman AND spending time with the child they had.
He also agreed to pay a large sum of child support
without consulting me. I’m very angry because he is making decisions
without my input and has put me in a position of being the one to decide
if we divorce or not. He made these mistakes, why can’t he be the one
to make that awful decision? What should I do?
Answer:
You
will one day make a decision about divorce based on what is best for
you and your daughter. Right now it seems like an awful decision but the
longer he disrespects you and the marriage the less awful the decision
will seem.
He is probably not making the decision to divorce because he knows it will make him look bad.
It is far easier for a man to say “my wife left
me” than “I left my wife.” He is leaving the nasty work up to you so
that he can save face. Too bad he doesn’t realize that fathering a child
outside his marriage took care of any good image he might have had.
I
suggest you do what you feel you need to do at this time. Take the
situation day by day; don’t rush into anything until you are ready. He
is very busy taking care of himself and getting what he needs out of
life. You need to take his lead. File for divorce when the time is right for you, not for any other reason.
You
may feel that, at this time, he is calling all the shots but, you have
the power within you to take control in spite of what he does and
doesn't want. You will soon feel empowered enough to start acting in
your own best interest.
In the meantime take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Pay attention to your diet, distract yourself from the problems he is causing by engaging in activities you enjoy. And, most importantly shelter your daughter from any conflict between the two of you. It is a parent’s responsibility to put their child’s needs first. He has failed to do that and you need to pick up the slack.
You should also ready yourself for the legal process of divorce. Consult with a divorce attorney
to see what your legal rights are. Make copies of all legal documents
related to your business, personal bank accounts, retirement accounts
and investment accounts. Keep those copies in a safe place until you
decide what steps you want to take.
There is more to divorce than filing for divorce. You have to take care of the financial, legal and emotional aspects of divorce for
the sake of your financial future. Now is the time for you to get all
your ducks in a row. It will make the divorce process much easier when
you become empowered enough on your own to make that "awful" decision.
Good luck!
