How to Make Yourself Lucky in Love

By Francesca Di Meglio

Newlyweds Expert, about.com

You might have heard that you need to make your own luck in business. Well, the same is true for love - and marriage. Sure, you are lucky to have met your spouse, your beloved, the one with whom you decided to share your life. You could credit destiny or fate or your friend who fixed you up or match.com. But you had a hand in this meeting, whether you realize it or not. You were open to love and willing to consider long-term commitments because you were ready. In that way, you were making your luck. You were also smart enough to realize that you had met a really cool person with whom you could be vulnerable - and you went with it. Now that you're married, however, the luck doesn't have to run out. You have to keep making yourself lucky in love. Here's how:

1.  Put yourself out there.

Just as an entrepreneur can't be lucky if she doesn't test her ideas and take them to market, you have to take part in your marriage. What I mean is you have to play an active role. Make time for your spouse, support him or her, especially when things are going wrong, and continue to woo. Yes, you must woo, even after you have convinced your husband or wife to marry you.

Ultimately, you have to remain open to love and affection. To do that, you both have to be a part of your marriage and not a bystander to it. This sounds like a lot of hot air, I admit. But what I'm saying is that you can't take your love, your spouse, your marriage for granted ever. There's no chance to rest on your laurels. About once a day, you have to remind yourself you're lucky and do something - squeeze your spouse's hand or say, "I love you," - to show appreciation. If you make staying in love with your spouse a priority, you will stay in love. Now, that's lucky.

2.  Learn how to communicate.

The one truth about marriage that comes up whenever you talk to veteran married people and relationship experts alike is that your relationships succeed if you communicate well. You and your spouse have to avoid communication mistakes and keep talking to each other about things big (whether to have kids, how to invest money, how to deal with the possibility of illness and death) and small (what to eat for dinner, how your day went, what color to paint the den). More than talking, you have to learn how to listen so you really hear your spouse. This one skill will throw your luck-in-love meter into overdrive. Trust me.

3.  Flaunt your love.

Show off your pride in your spouse. Tell the neighbors and family about the latest romantic gesture or practical help your spouse gave. Rave about his shrimp scampi recipe or how she coaches the kids' soccer team. Often, we vent about the stuff we don't like in our partners and that just brings on the bad luck. Next thing you know, you've hurt your spouse's feelings, argued and said things you didn't mean, and are feeling unlucky in love. Put out the positive and it will come back to you. Again, that is a surefire way to make your own luck.

4.  Be affectionate.

Brush against your spouse's shoulder. Whisper in her ear. Kiss each other goodnight. Hold hands. Make out on the couch. Make love whenever the mood strikes (within reason, of course). The point is that you have to stay physically connected to one another, too. If you're getting kisses everyday, then you'll feel pretty lucky in love. Lucky indeed.