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10 Ways to Save Your Marriage


Learning how to save your marriage from the very beginning - before you're in danger of losing your relationship - is probably the key to staying married. The problem is that until the honeymoon phase begins to fade, most married people don't even realize that their marriages need to be saved. Many people fail to notice the many ways in which they themselves are screwing up, and thus causing a need to save their marriage. Even you - a glowing newlywed or still thrilled veteran married person - could be unwittingly damaging your marriage. To undo any damage, you can make use of these 10 ways to save your marriage-

1.  Get better at sex.

Let's face it, a boring sex life can be marriage suicide. Committing to improving sex - and having it even when you're tired - can make a big difference. You'll get an A for effort and - you hope - a big "O" to boot. Married couples have a tendency to let sex get stale or to fall off their busy schedules all together. But the intimate act of having sex keeps couples close, helps relieve stress, and can be good for your overall health and the health of your marriage. And there's always room for improvement, so keep at it, people.

2.  Make time for fun.

When you're dating, you literally schedule fun time with one another (until and unless you move in together). Fun should not just stop because you got married. In fact, the fun should increase. There are no excuses. Now, you're together all the time, so you should be able to have more moments of spontaneity, as well as scheduled fun. Have date nights, make nights at home special with candlelit dinners or a couples bath or movies and popcorn, and simply relish in each other's arms.

3.  Make Money

Money is a big trigger for fights in marriages. But you'll probably find that if you have money - enough to pay bills, have a little fun, and live reasonably well - you'll probably fight less. When one of you wants to overspend, especially with money you don't have, or gets into debt that you can't pay off, then you'll start to argue big time. Making money, which means bringing in revenue and not just spending like crazy, will go a long way to help you and your spouse stop the money fights.

4.  Don't cheat.

Few situations erode a marriage quite like infidelity or cheating. There's a simple solution. Only marry someone if you plan to be faithful forever. Then, be faithful. Don't cheat. Don't lie about relationships with other people. If somewhere down the road, you want to develop a relationship, kiss, or just have sex with someone other than your spouse, then be honest, tell your spouse before you do anything, and leave the marriage before you cheat. Cheating will only lead to mistrust, arguments, and an uphill battle to winning your marriage back. There's a good chance you won't win your marriage back and it will simply end because of your cheating. You'll have no one to blame but yourself.

5.  Quit bad mouthing your in-laws.

Your in-laws probably stink. They make your life difficult and your marriage harder than it probably has to be. They are annoying and maybe even a little crazy. We get it. We've all been there. But talking badly about them or complaining about them to your spouse only hurts his or her feelings and does not resolve any issues. Vent to other people - from a therapist to your mom, but keep your spouse out of it. Be kind to your in-laws and when in-law issues come up that you must address with your spouse, remain calm and diplomatic. Period.

6.  Give each other space.

While you must make time to spend together, you also need some time to yourself. Loving and caring for yourself - from reading a favorite book to taking a walk to the store - allows you the chance to clear your mind and miss your spouse. If you are always together, you'll eventually smother one another. Plus, having separate hobbies, interests, or activities, gives you interesting things to discuss with one another once you are together again.

7.  Avoid below-the-belt hits.

The way you fight with one another can set the tone for your marriage. Listen, there's no way you can avoid fighting. You're going to disagree, and you're going to have to confront one another about it. It's actually part of a healthy marriage. But it won't be healthy at all if you are the kind of fighter who smacks your partner or calls him or her names. You have to learn to fight fairly in marriage just as you did on the playground in elementary school. Be a grown up and communicate without the low blows.

8.  Find that middle ground.

Compromising is an essential part of life - for everything from getting promoted at work to having a successful marriage. You can't always get your way, but you should be able to discuss your needs and desires. And your spouse should be able to discuss his or hers. Then, together, you must find ways to negotiate and reach a middle ground that satisfies both of you. If you can't do this, you or your partner (or worse, both of you) will start to build resentment. This will serve as a poison that could kill your marriage.

9.  Forgive but never forget.

You don't have to forget the ways you have been done wrong or the experiences that are shaping your opinions and your relationship. But you must learn to forgive your spouse, especially if he or she is genuinely trying to rectify the situation by apologizing and taking steps to fix the mistake or bad behavior. Even if your spouse does something awful that ends your relationship, you still have to find a way to forgive him or her. You don't have to do it for them. But you must do it for yourself. Anger and resentment will eventually wear you down.

10.  Woo each other.

Romance might seem like a pastime for the young or dating. Truly, romance is for everyone, especially married people who want to keep their marriage fresh and new. Yes, the honeymoon period will end, and you'll have to face the realities of a lifetime of responsibilities. But love will die if you don't nourish it. Romance is the nourishment. Tell your spouse you love him or her in ways big and small. Kiss and hug. Do special things for each other. Make sure no one is taken for granted. Everyone should feel special and loved. Your marriage is your number one priority, and romancing your spouse is a great way to remind him or her.


source: about.com 




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