Great Sex Is Always Possible
Seniors can most easily achieve sexual compatibility by
helping each other work through sexual issues, self-imposed or
otherwise. These roadblocks to pleasure may not be specifically
incident-related, but rather about what we’ve become accustomed or not
accustomed to over time. The number of seniors who’ve never had great
sex amazes and saddens me. These seniors often become jaded and have
little interest in sex because their sexual experiences didn’t live up
to the hype. This is unfortunate and totally understandable, but it
needn’t prevent anyone from enjoying enhanced sexual pleasure beginning
today. And please ignore religious fanatics with lists of what’s off
limits sexually. These sexual policemen don’t belong in your bedroom,
and the notion that they know what God intended for you sexually is
ridiculous.
The Talk
A couple’s ability to have frequent, frank, honest sexual conversations is critical if they hope to enjoy a warm sexual relationship.
Shutting down that conversation will prevent the
relationships from ever enjoying great sex. This dialogue is a
necessity. If one or both partners feel embarrassed talking about sex
that’s okay, but it’s not a reason not to have it. Find a comfortable
way to move beyond sexual shyness until you’re able to discuss sex with
same ease you talk about food.
A sexual dialogue
should begin as soon as a couple feels certain they’re going to become
sexual, because this is the time to discover if there are any problems
that will have a deleterious affect on the relationship. And yes, I am
suggesting that sexual non-compatibility is sufficient reason to pass on
a relationship no matter what else is good. Giving up great sex as a
senior is not a rational decision.
For instance, oral sex might have been a contentious issue in
one relationship involving one or both partners, but totally desirable
by both in the next one. But making that switch isn’t always as simple
as turning a light on. The bad sexual feelings from a past relationship
might linger long after it’s over and may be felt in a subsequent
relationship. This is one of the frank discussions I mentioned earlier.
Disclaimer
Condoms are an absolute must for
seniors who are first having sex because STDs are rampant in the senior
dating community. The reasons are unimportant for this discussion, but
safe sex is never negotiable. A man or woman who refuses to see the
wisdom in safe sex is an immediate pass, and taking someone’s word about
sexual health is out of the question. At some point a senior couple
should get tested for STDs so they can make love without worry, but
until keep condoms on your shopping list.
Easy Does It
The key to a successful sexual conversation is
being gentle with each other’s feelings around the sexual issues being
discussed, because for many seniors sex is a sensitive topic since it’s
so personal. It’s essential to refrain from being judgmental or offering
opinions and advice. There’s no winning this discussion, and that
attitude will only ensure the relationship loses. Making demands is also
a mistake because great sex is never dependent upon force.
Beginning a sexual dialogue with,
“You never, why don’t you ever, or any variation on that theme is not
the way to make a sexual suggestion to your partner. Alternatively, “I’d
really love it if you would,” works far better. Assuming the
relationship is built on mutual love and respect, asking for what you
want sexually doesn’t have to become an argument.
What’s OK?
What’s okay sexually, and what isn’t? Frankly
I don’t subscribe to the notion that anything sexual between two loving
partners that isn’t painful or meant to shame is okay. Once a list of
out of bounds sexual stuff develops it will become a long laundry list
over time. Be open to what your partner suggests they‘d like to try
because you just may enjoy it too.
Just because we’re seniors and having sex isn’t our first rodeo doesn’t
mean we know everything there is about great sex. I know lots of
boomers who have discovered their sexual selves later in life with an
adventurous, curious spirit. There are a myriad of books, videos, and
sexual therapists available, so if you’re not having the best sex ever
then dig in and figure out why you aren’t. Life’s too short not to enjoy
what comes naturally to most of us.
Best Friends = Best Sex
The best relationships are also best friendships,
and the best sex possible is with a partner you love who is also your
best friend. The myth that friends can't also be lovers has been
debunked. Sex with a lover/best friend is the ultimate sexual
experience.
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