Really you should know by now that not marriages can be saved from
divorce or break up.It is obvioce that not all two people are
compatible.sometimes two partners can not make trhiks work.However there
are also the infidelity problem which the other patner can not just
move past it.
If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it's time for a gut check. Don't think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it's going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.
Here's a few things to keep in mind:
1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren't ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they'll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.
If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let's be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won't commit 100% to making things work, it won't work. Again, it's best to leave.
2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It's going to hurt, but the reality is that people don't cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don't get from their spouse.
Sometimes it can be something 'real' like feeling needed or loved. Other times it's not 'real' it's childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.
3. It's very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner's face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won't work out.
On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that's just the way it is.
However as a matter fact the person who went astray most own up to it,period.You know using the classic line that most people use for example "my wife/husband just doesn't understand me" will not help here.Why? Because you are asguilty as,may be more guilty in the failing of your marriage as your spouse.Do not kill your self because you did it,No..No.. instead admite what you did period and you will become a better person for it
If the two of you try hard enough you will easily get over it in no time.Think about these questions and they might help you to work on you marriage before you break up.
What are the reasons you might want to stay together:
* For the kids?
* It would be too expensive?
* You're afraid to be alone?
* For the security?
* It's against your religion?
* You're concerned about what everyone might think?
What if I told you it doesn't matter why you want to stay together, it only matters that you do.
That's all it takes to make the program Affair Repair work for you, that is not only to save your marriage, but actually make it better than it was before.
If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it's time for a gut check. Don't think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it's going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.
Here's a few things to keep in mind:
1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren't ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they'll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.
If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let's be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won't commit 100% to making things work, it won't work. Again, it's best to leave.
2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It's going to hurt, but the reality is that people don't cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don't get from their spouse.
Sometimes it can be something 'real' like feeling needed or loved. Other times it's not 'real' it's childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.
3. It's very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner's face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won't work out.
On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that's just the way it is.
However as a matter fact the person who went astray most own up to it,period.You know using the classic line that most people use for example "my wife/husband just doesn't understand me" will not help here.Why? Because you are asguilty as,may be more guilty in the failing of your marriage as your spouse.Do not kill your self because you did it,No..No.. instead admite what you did period and you will become a better person for it
If the two of you try hard enough you will easily get over it in no time.Think about these questions and they might help you to work on you marriage before you break up.
What are the reasons you might want to stay together:
* For the kids?
* It would be too expensive?
* You're afraid to be alone?
* For the security?
* It's against your religion?
* You're concerned about what everyone might think?
What if I told you it doesn't matter why you want to stay together, it only matters that you do.
That's all it takes to make the program Affair Repair work for you, that is not only to save your marriage, but actually make it better than it was before.
