The weekend. Sigh. I worked on my novel for most of it. Last Monday,
my agent told me she thought I should revise the manuscript a leeetle bit more
before she sends it out to editors (who are the one with the power to
"buy" the book, which would lead to it getting published, which would
lead to a bestseller--if you guys are behind me!). So the majority of my
time was spent chained to my keyboard.
I did take a break for a tea date with a guy who contacted me via the
Internet personals. Between his adorable pictures--including one of him
in a cap and sweater vest on his family's farm that made him look like
he just stepped out of "Quintessentially Irish" catalogue--and his love
for books, not to mention his good job, he seemed a little too good to
be true. I braced myself for some kind of disappointment--for him to
have about 75% less hair in real life, or 75 more pounds, or to
conveniently have only 75 cents on him so he could stick me with the
check.
But when I walked into Cafe Regular
and saw him standing there, smiling at me with his startling bright
gray eyes, and saying "Maura?" I had to take a moment to steady myself:
He was the real deal! We spent a couple of pleasant hours chatting, and
at the end of it, he asked if I'd like to go to dinner with him that
very evening. Since I wanted to stick to my work schedule, I declined,
but he followed up with a sweet text saying we should do it some other
time soon.
-Don't act like a needy person. In fact, until
you're in a solid relationship, try to hide any neediness almost
entirely. (I mean, if you need to take a leak; or to eat a
peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwich you have in your handbag for fits of
low blood sugar; or to have a glass of water ... by all means. But don't
act like there's anything you need from the other person.)
-Don't be negative. This means you shouldn't
criticize the loud/poorly dressed/gauche people on the other side of the
bar from you. Don't complain that your Pinot is not quite Noir-y
enough, or that your salad would've been a lot more awesome if they'd
only added a splash of Holy Water from Fatima on it. Don't complain
about your job. Or your family. Or that one really toxic friend of
yours. (I don't care if she always gets wasted and throws up on your
shoes, or if she always borrows money in small denominations--like $5
here, $10 there--and never pays you back. Do not mention her! And
really, while you're at it, shouldn't you consider breaking up with
her?) If you need to vent about any of these things--wait till you're
sitting with an old pal, or you're on the couch at your shrink's office.
A big part of the reason we're attracted to people is because we think
they are going to make our lives happier--and the more negative you are,
the less likely it is that a dude will think you'll bring some sunshine
to his sad existence.
-Always keep this idea in the forefront of your mind: You are
not trying to find out if the person you are flirting with or dating
accepts YOU. You are trying to figure out if YOU accept HIM. Does he have qualities that you value? Does he make you feel good? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated?
-Remember that most guys like to pursue. So, while
you may be the one initiating contact ... let him do the work after
you've met. Let him call you for dates, write the follow-up emails, and
plan for the future. Of course, you want to make it clear that you enjoy
his company--but keep him guessing about just how much you really like
him until you feel comfortable with the fact that he's totally into you.
-Have fun and be playful. Think about how awesome it
is when someone makes a little joke, says something out of the
ordinary, or simply engages in a spontaneous act of goofiness. We all
like to smile and (even better) to laugh. When you're flirting, approach
strangers with the attitude that if nothing else happens, at least you're going to have fun--and you'll always come out a winner.
