"You get in a fight and want some space—but that space doesn’t exist anymore," says Aurora, 27.
The Solution: "If you're someone who really needs time alone after an argument, work out a system where you can sort of leave each other alone for a while," says Chiara Atik, relationship expert and author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide. "The ultimate goal is to feel just as at home when you're pissed off together in the apartment as when you're having a great night."
The Solution: "If you're someone who really needs time alone after an argument, work out a system where you can sort of leave each other alone for a while," says Chiara Atik, relationship expert and author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide. "The ultimate goal is to feel just as at home when you're pissed off together in the apartment as when you're having a great night."
The Problem: “What’s Next?"
"After making a major decision to move in together, you then get the inevitable family question of, 'Well where do you see this going—marriage, babies, the works," says Aurora. "Nothing says 'stress' more than making one huge life decision and immediately being asked what your next big decision will be."
The Solution: "Easy—don't!" advises Atik. "Don't succumb to the pressure. Do your best to let comments from family and friends roll off your back, and concentrate on enjoying the present. Moving in together is a big deal! Let yourself sort of ease into that for a while, and discuss 'next steps' when you're both ready."
"After making a major decision to move in together, you then get the inevitable family question of, 'Well where do you see this going—marriage, babies, the works," says Aurora. "Nothing says 'stress' more than making one huge life decision and immediately being asked what your next big decision will be."
The Solution: "Easy—don't!" advises Atik. "Don't succumb to the pressure. Do your best to let comments from family and friends roll off your back, and concentrate on enjoying the present. Moving in together is a big deal! Let yourself sort of ease into that for a while, and discuss 'next steps' when you're both ready."
The Problem: "What About My Life?"
"You realize you're giving up your past single life, and you start to feel a bit different," Aurora says. "How do you keep your personal independence in terms of friends, coworkers, 'me' time?"
The Solution: "Just as you used to make it a priority to carve out time for your boyfriend when you lived apart, now it's time to carve out time for your friends and—perhaps just as importantly—for your self," advises Atik. Moving in means sharing a home and a bed—it doesn't mean giving up your life."
"You realize you're giving up your past single life, and you start to feel a bit different," Aurora says. "How do you keep your personal independence in terms of friends, coworkers, 'me' time?"
The Solution: "Just as you used to make it a priority to carve out time for your boyfriend when you lived apart, now it's time to carve out time for your friends and—perhaps just as importantly—for your self," advises Atik. Moving in means sharing a home and a bed—it doesn't mean giving up your life."
The Problem: New Roommate Syndrome
"We know I’m messy and he’s neat…however, there is always a fear like when you first get to college or when you sublet an apartment: What happens if something goes really wrong?" Aurora wonders.
The Solution: "I suppose you could break up over house-related issues. But you probably won't," Atik says. "Have you ever heard someone say, 'We were completely perfect for each other except he was too much of a neat freak, so it didn't work out?'" Talk it out and settle on some compromises for your issues.
"We know I’m messy and he’s neat…however, there is always a fear like when you first get to college or when you sublet an apartment: What happens if something goes really wrong?" Aurora wonders.
The Solution: "I suppose you could break up over house-related issues. But you probably won't," Atik says. "Have you ever heard someone say, 'We were completely perfect for each other except he was too much of a neat freak, so it didn't work out?'" Talk it out and settle on some compromises for your issues.
The Problem: Differing Taste in Decor
"He said, 'it’s entirely up to you—whatever you want.' So I could decorate everything in pink and call it a day, but the rational side of me knows that the space had to be to his liking or he’d never feel at home," says Aurora.
The Solution: "A great way to start figuring out your combined taste is to jump online and flip through a few design sites," says Corri McFadden, founder of eDrop-Off and star of House of Consignment. "Houzz is a great site and covers a variety of design tastes from Country Chic to Mid-Century Modern. Let your boyfriend show you a few designs that he likes so you can gauge his comfort level. From there, you can decide what elements of his picks you like and incorporate your own likes."
"He said, 'it’s entirely up to you—whatever you want.' So I could decorate everything in pink and call it a day, but the rational side of me knows that the space had to be to his liking or he’d never feel at home," says Aurora.
The Solution: "A great way to start figuring out your combined taste is to jump online and flip through a few design sites," says Corri McFadden, founder of eDrop-Off and star of House of Consignment. "Houzz is a great site and covers a variety of design tastes from Country Chic to Mid-Century Modern. Let your boyfriend show you a few designs that he likes so you can gauge his comfort level. From there, you can decide what elements of his picks you like and incorporate your own likes."
The Problem: The Furniture Fight
"My boyfriend has been living in his apartment for 12 years, and I personally have a ton of furniture. How do you combine them?" Aurora asks. And if you don’t want him to bring a certain black leather sectional couch—how do you break the news?
The Solution: "Reupholstering is a sneaky way of letting him keep his beloved chair, but giving it a fresh look that you can live with," McFadden says.
"My boyfriend has been living in his apartment for 12 years, and I personally have a ton of furniture. How do you combine them?" Aurora asks. And if you don’t want him to bring a certain black leather sectional couch—how do you break the news?
The Solution: "Reupholstering is a sneaky way of letting him keep his beloved chair, but giving it a fresh look that you can live with," McFadden says.
The Problem: Balancing Budgets
"If one person makes more money than the other, and you intend on splitting rent, you have to have a whole conversation about who will be paying for what. That can get pretty awkward because if you’re like me, you have that theory that everything should be split equally in order to preserve the balance," says Aurora.
The Solution: "Take a percentage of each person's monthly income and divide it up into categories," offers McFadden. "For example, decide that 30 percent of your salaries is a reasonable amount to put towards rent and 10 percent towards utilities, and so on. This creates a comfort level for both parties because the person who makes more might contribute a larger amount but it's the same percentage of their monthly income as their partners."
By Carson Griffith
"If one person makes more money than the other, and you intend on splitting rent, you have to have a whole conversation about who will be paying for what. That can get pretty awkward because if you’re like me, you have that theory that everything should be split equally in order to preserve the balance," says Aurora.
The Solution: "Take a percentage of each person's monthly income and divide it up into categories," offers McFadden. "For example, decide that 30 percent of your salaries is a reasonable amount to put towards rent and 10 percent towards utilities, and so on. This creates a comfort level for both parties because the person who makes more might contribute a larger amount but it's the same percentage of their monthly income as their partners."
By Carson Griffith
