Unfortunately, there are some truths about sex that we ignore or get confused about because of everyone else's conflicting chatter: For example, a friend may complain about how boring his relationship has gotten after three long years of monogamy, while someone in your Twitter feed is bragging about having sex for the fourteenth time this week. As technology and media increasingly involve us in each other's relationships, we begin to form ideas of how sex and romance "are," or at least, "should be" – that aren't necessarily universally accurate.
And yet, although every couple is different in personality and dynamic, there are a few general shocking truths that every duo is bound to face. Here's what you actually need to know about sex in a long-term relationship:
Sex Frequency Decreases
Most relationships begin with physical attraction, and many people note that they were initially most intrigued by their significant other's appearance. A couple that isn't yet cohabitating might try to sneak in sex at any moment possible – but over time, that overwhelming need to jump your partner's bones can fizzle.
While you don't ever want the passion to burn out altogether, allowing it to slow down isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. Re-focusing your energy on connecting emotionally and not over-thinking this very normal occurrence can help keep your sex life strong.
Sex Can Get Boring
At some point, you’ve probably heard someone ask, “You’re going to sleep with the same person for the rest of your life?” and instantly replayed the statement over and over again in your head wondering when the fun will run out. Well, be prepared: it very well might. The thing is, though many years of sex with only one partner has the potential to get boring, it’s entirely up to you to make sure it doesn't! Communicate your needs openly and find new ways with your partner to spice things up.
You Won't Run Out Of Ways To Spice Things Up
There's lots of kinky stuff out there. Lots. (Have you ever heard of electrical play? Me neither, until I read this.) And while your porn preferences may have changed throughout the years, chances are that you haven’t fully studied each and every way to please your significant other (or entice him or her into pleasing you). Beyond switching up positions and settings, there’s a plethora of ways to keep sex exciting, so keep exploring, researching, and trying new things out.
Dominance Can Shift
Perhaps you initiate sex more often than your partner – or maybe your partner has always been the one calling the shots in the bedroom. Either way, the roles will most likely reverse throughout your relationship, whether intentionally or organically. If you aren’t typically the "dominant" one, give it a shot. If the role reversal works for you, and your lover is intrigued by your sudden sense of power, the shift is a win-win!
Sex Is About More Than Just The Orgasm
While reaching a climax will always be "the main event," learning what pleases your partner over time will allow sex to become enjoyable without taking you out of the moment to worry about what will happen at the end. Ideally, sex should become a way to connect with your partner and re-establish intimacy rather than just merely serve as a "fun" activity. And of course, if you'd like to become a parent someday, eventually sex will be the means to achieving humanity's primary goal over the last thousands of years: makin' babies!
Scheduling Sex Is Okay!
As much as we all enjoy the occasional spontaneous sexual get-down, scheduling sex in the morning or after work on a particular day of the week will provide you and your partner with the opportunity to stay connected and satisfied. Having a "habit day" also ensures there'll be a time and place to try out some of the new stuff you’ve been discussing, and encourages more unexpected sex. Just be careful not to lean on this scheduled day so heavily that it becomes the only time for romance!
By Jessica Vacco