By Laura Lambert, Mom.me
A Sense of Humor
Everyone’s gonna get fat and saggy. A good — compatible — sense of humor will span the decades.
A Willingness to Listen
Don’t fix it, just listen! That’s the No. 1 secret to being a good partner.
A Sense of Equity
Notice that I didn’t write equality. That’s because I don’t want to be treated exactly the same as my partner, and I don’t need a strict 50-50 division of labor, public or private. What I do want is a deeper sense of fairness that we define together.
He Has His Own Life
Quartz , an online magazine, once tried to break down what every successful relationship has, and one of them is this: “A healthy and happy relationship requires two healthy and happy individuals. Keyword here: ‘individuals.’ That means two people with their own identities, their own interests and perspectives, and things they do by themselves, on their own time.”
A Little Bit of Mystery
You don’t need to know every little thing in your partner’s life. (And vice versa!) A little not knowing helps keep intrigue alive. I feel this is very French advice, but I don’t have scientific evidence to back that.
The Ability to Make at Least One Great Meal
It almost doesn’t matter what it is, but at least one great go-to meal — whether it’s pancakes for breakfast or boeuf bourguignon for dinner — will bring delight, again and again.
They Don’t Have to Be Asked
Sure, communication is key. We all know that. But doing those small things, without being asked, really greases the wheels of a relationship.
Being a Great Dad
If you would have told a 20-something me that watching my husband rock our baby or teach our school-age kids how to ride a bike would be a turn-on, I would have eye-rolled so hard. And I would’ve been dead wrong. Dadding is a serious aphrodisiac.
A Little Bit Handyman
You know what’s hot? A man who can put together Ikea furniture — quickly, efficiently and without complaint.
And a Little Bit Pool Boy
It doesn’t hurt if he looks good with his shirt off while he’s skimming leaves from the surface of the pool — or whatever your equivalent of that would be. You want opportunities to objectify your partner just a little bit.
Someone Who Fights Fair
You’re going to fight — it’s a given. You want to be with someone who fights fair. It doesn’t have to be all “I” statements and holding the talking stick, but no hitting below the belt and be willing to admit when you’re wrong.
Someone Who Knows How You Like Your Coffee
If you didn’t marry a cook, fine. But just about anyone can learn how to make a proper cup of coffee — black, if that’s your poison, or a single-origin decaf with almond milk, steamed, with the lightest splash of agave. Someone who can help you start the day exactly the way you like it is definitely a keeper.
