By
Dating
someone who’s naturally flirtatious can trigger feelings of jealousy
and insecurity. But flirting is so subjective that it can be tough to
define and draw boundaries. Do you consider smiling and complimenting
strangers flirting? Or does flirting usually involve touching and being
sexually suggestive to friends, coworkers, or acquaintances?
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The boundaries around flirting outside of a monogamous relationship
need to be discussed and decided by the people in the relationship,
because some may see their partner’s kindness and charm as flirtation,
whereas others may be totally fine with that stuff. Setting standards
around flirting and communicating on the subject is key—especially if
you or your partner is a flirt.
To get the conversation started, here are seven rules suggested by
experts about think about flirting when you’re in an exclusive
relationship.
Don’t Touch or Over-Compliment
It’s okay to hug and say nice things to people. Behaving warmly and
affectionately is a personality trait, not necessarily being
flirtatious. But matchmaker and CEO of Lasting Connections Sameera Sullivan says
to be careful with whom you’re doing this. “It’s wrong when you get
touchy with the opposite sex, commenting on their physical attributes or
beauty. Being too touchy-feely and over-complimenting is going
overboard. Try to walk that fine line.”
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Be Self-Aware of Your Flirting
If you’re a flirty person, try to make a point of reserving your
flirtations for friends, not eligible singles who may possibly feel
seduced by the flirtation or take it to mean something more. Even if
they know you’re taken, they might start to think you’re interested in
cheating. “All flirtation should be playful and in good fun without any
suggestive connotations to invite the other party to pursue or act on
said flirtation,” says relationship expert Margaux Cassuto.
MORE: 9 Body Language Mistakes That Can Ruin Your Relationship
Skip Flirting That Could Hurt Your S.O.
“There should be absolutely no flirtation with anybody who you feel
even mildly attracted to or have been romantically linked with, whether
in rumor or reality,” says Cassuto. There’s a fine line between trust
and disrespect, and one that needs to be drawn before it’s crossed.
Regardless of whether you or your partner is the bigger flirt, you both
need to ultimately show each other that the relationship is most
important—both to each other and to the world.
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Be Careful With Texts and Emails
Lines tend to blur when it comes to technology. A playful text can be
interpreted sexually, especially with someone you actually do have a
slight attraction to. “We all text and email colleagues and
acquaintances, but when you start getting too suggestive or sexual via
text or email, that’s crossing a flirting line,” says Sullivan. Ask
yourself if you would send a text or email that you wouldn’t want your
partner to see. If you wouldn’t, that’s a sign you definitely shouldn’t
do it.
Voice Your Concerns
If your partner’s the flirtier one, be clear about what you do and
don’t feel comfortable with. Cassuto says that you should never be so
permissive and overly “cool” about your partner’s behavior that you end
up feeling insecure in your own relationship. So make sure you are clear
from the start. If you hold back from saying anything, your partner
will think you don’t have a problem and continue to do it.
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Respect Your Partner’s Feelings
If you’re the flirt and your partner says something about it, listen
to them. You don’t have to become cold and aloof, but you may want to
tone down blatant suggestiveness or being overly friendly, suggests Lisa Concepcion,
relationship expert and founder of LoveQuest Coaching. “Never flirt
just to push buttons, either,” she says. “Revenge flirting is
passive-aggressive and starts drama. Be an adult and discuss any issues
openly with your partner.”
Be Ready to Leave the Relationship
If
setting boundaries and voicing your concerns doesn’t work, then it may
be that you and your partner see flirting differently and aren’t able to
get on the same page, in which case, you could be better off single.
“Oftentimes people who flirt accuse the offended partner of being
jealous or insecure,” says Concepcion. “If you’re not liking what you
see and feel disrespected, love yourself enough to leave the
relationship. You don’t have to hate the person, you just have a
different standard and style.”
