dearJulius.com

3 Ways To Get Exactly What You Want Out Of A Relationship

Communicating what you want isn’t needy; it’s normal. But there’s a way to get your desires across without feeling overly demanding...

Communicating what you want isn’t needy; it’s normal.


By Alyssa Shelasky, Self

[post_ads]No one wants to be called needy. It’s an unsavory label, a punch to the gut. Moreover, it’s an unfair way to describe someone just because, well, they have needs. Who doesn’t? You can need more attention. You can need better sex. You can need your partner’s mother to stop emailing you her family recipes—you can even need her to stop emailing you altogether. But in any relationship, be it with friends, lovers, family, or colleagues, there’s a pleasant way to ask for what you want. It’s all in the delivery: Make requests with tantrums and tears, and you’re hypersensitive. Make them in a calm, cool way, and you’re a grown-ass woman. Here are some guidelines for expressing your desires in a noncombative, even approachable, fashion—while leaving room for others’ needs, too.

Figure Out What You Really Need

[post_ads_2]
Yes, some of us desire daily love notes, weekly peonies, and the perfect surprise-birthday extravaganza attended (on time) by all of our closest friends. Well, as Mick Jagger taught us, you can’t always get what you want. Still, if you’re feeling unsatisfied in a relationship, put some serious thought into what’s truly missing. If you want more fancy date-night dinners, think: Is it about getting the impossible reservation? That’s a want. Or is it about needing to feel special and prioritized? The pettier-sounding wants are probably secondary emotions to something real.

Be Honest And Open

[post_ads]It’s key to communicate your needs with grace. I once dated a workaholic who never looked up from a computer during his 14-hour day, which left me feeling neglected most waking hours. Over a lovely dinner one night (a weekend, obviously), I said, “Listen, I’m totally turned on by your work ethic, but if we’re going to be in a romantic relationship, I need you to flirt with me at least once a day: Call, text, whatever floats your boat.” He did, with delight, and it ended up benefiting both of us because feeling heard made me a better partner. That said, sometimes the answer will be no, and you need to ask yourself which sacrifices you just aren’t willing to make. It’s important to listen to other people’s truths, like it or not. Maybe that means reevaluating your needs, maybe that means turning the page, or maybe that means finding satisfaction another way. And on that note…

Learn To Fulfill Your Own Needs

Self-reliance is a strong word, but it actually has soft edges. The ability to know yourself well enough to provide the pleasures, answers, and inner balance you require is a beautiful thing. Relationships, romantic and otherwise, enrich our lives in many ways, but don’t underestimate the unique power of self-support. To test how self-reliant you are, simply try it. Work through an issue all by yourself. (This is where long walks rule the world.) Be your own date to the movies. Only another person can give you that back rub, but your heart and mind are capable of taking care of so much else.
 
More from Self

COMMENTS





|Featured Content_$type=three$c=3$l=0$m=0$s=hide$rm=0

Name

Advice,71,Anniversary,1,Better Partner,40,Breakup,19,Breakups,3,Broken Hearts,5,Communication,2,Compassion,2,Dating,14,Dating Advice,72,Dating Advice for Women,22,Dating Tips,13,Divorce,15,Featured,7,Features,2,Friendship,38,Girlfriend Grooming,10,Gratitude,10,Happiness,5,Horoscope,31,Impress a Girl,20,Jealousy,2,Long Distance Relationship,24,Love,132,Marriage,83,Newlyweds,4,Online Date Tips,2,Relationship,122,Relationship Advice,180,Relationship Advice for Men,23,Relationship Advice for Women,27,Relationship Problems,58,Relationship Secrets,14,Relationships,136,Senior Relationship,2,Special,16,Special Features,116,Teen Advice,4,Tips,11,Understanding Women,23,Wedding,28,Weddings,35,
ltr
item
Love Magazine: 3 Ways To Get Exactly What You Want Out Of A Relationship
3 Ways To Get Exactly What You Want Out Of A Relationship
Communicating what you want isn’t needy; it’s normal. But there’s a way to get your desires across without feeling overly demanding...
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MmR4py5n6oM/WSqX-MCEFBI/AAAAAAAABXU/BrauFgR2pzMaA-WEnA2FjMBDHg9gx8riACLcB/s1600/happy-relationship-e1447939579389.jpg
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MmR4py5n6oM/WSqX-MCEFBI/AAAAAAAABXU/BrauFgR2pzMaA-WEnA2FjMBDHg9gx8riACLcB/s72-c/happy-relationship-e1447939579389.jpg
Love Magazine
https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/05/3-ways-to-get-exactly-what-you-want-out.html
https://love.dearjulius.com/
https://love.dearjulius.com/
https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/05/3-ways-to-get-exactly-what-you-want-out.html
true
6935346368574078251
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Read More Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share. STEP 2: Click the link you shared to unlock Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy