By Francesca Di Meglio
Newlyweds Expert, about.com
Married people can take a page out of the President's handbook and take the time at the start of the year to assess the state of their union.
Most of us are so busy that we never take a time out to just breathe
and contemplate what we really want out of our relationships and our
lives. So, we end up on a treadmill that never stops, we keep doing the
same things even if we're never reaching our real goals, and we put our
dreams of a better tomorrow on the shelf.
Stop it. Just stop it. Instead, just give some thought to what could make your relationship better and can help you stay in love.
Determine what goals you share for the next year and maybe a few others
after that. Get on the same page about how to take action to arrive at
the life you want instead of just dreaming about it. Here's how:
1. Communicate with one another.
The President starts talking to his team of speech writers and cabinet members about the State of the Union address in the fall.
Some have said October marks the start of the initial planning. You don't have to go that far. But you should speak of your dreams out loud to one another. Tell your spouse, "I'd like to have another baby" or "I want to buy a house and quit renting" or "I want to take a second honeymoon" or "I want to care for my elderly and sickly parents."
You get the idea. Then, speak rationally about whether your spouse is
on board and what it will take for you to be able to accomplish these
shared goals. If you don't share the same goals, see if you can reach a compromise. Maybe your spouse says, "I would like another baby, too, but we have to make a little more money first, or I will be too stressed to enjoy our growing family." Then, you make a plan for earning more before trying to get pregnant again, for example.
2. Come up with an actionable plan.
While
the President touches on many subjects during the State of the Union
address, he offers some sort of explanation on how he plans to
accomplish his goals. And you must do the same. For example, if you both
feel as though you should be having more sex, you should come up with a plan for making that happen. Maybe you will decide to schedule a rendezvous once a week. Whatever it is, you both have to be willing to stay committed to the idea and the tasks at hand.
3. Hold each other accountable.
The President's State of the Union address is just the beginning. If he (or she) doesn't follow through on the promises
made in the yearly speech (or the campaign for that matter),
constituents and members of the two parties will hold him (or her)
accountable. The two of you should do the same with each other. Call out
the other person if he or she fails to report to marriage counseling or date night or to contribute the agreed-upon share to your joint savings account.
It doesn't have to be an argument, but you have to find out why,
address the issue whatever it may be, and motivate each other to keep up
the effort.
4. Give it your seal of approval.
Instead of a Presidential seal (literal or figurative), seal your state of the union with a kiss.
