It’s not uncommon to find yourself wondering about your partner’s ex.
After all, when you’re in a relationship, you can’t help but be curious
about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s relationship past. Perhaps your
partner has mentioned his ex in passing or maybe you’ve already done
your own social media detective work to find out what she looks like,
does for a living, where she vacations and/or even what she had for
lunch.
And while it’s normal to think about your sweetheart’s
ex-sweetheart every now and then, it’s not healthy for you or your
relationship to be constantly obsessing over him or her. Luckily, there
are proven tips that can help you stop compulsively comparing yourself
to the one who came before.
Remember what you and your partner have together.
Instead of stressing about his ex and the kind of relationship they
had, why not focus your attention on your own relationship? Are you
excited about where things are heading? Do his emoticon-filled text messages still make you smile?
Does his goofy dancing still crack you up?
Don’t let his ex be a threat to you or the relationship that you’re
building together. She may be his past, but you’re his future.
Value yourself and what you bring to the table.
Even if your partner’s ex was a fashion model, a famous athlete or a
fancy CEO, don’t forget that you’re pretty awesome, too. Think about
it—there’s a reason that you and your partner are together (and they’re
apart), so don’t beat yourself up just because her ex won a heavyweight
title. Your partner recognizes that you’re special and amazing, and it’s
time you should as well. Confidence is sexy, so bring it.
Accept that everybody has a past.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that everyone
is coming from a different place. And while your partner has a past,
you likely have one, too. So instead of worrying and comparing yourself
to the person who he was with before you, take comfort in the fact that
his past relationships played a role in shaping him into the person he
is today. So instead of comparing yourself to his ex, remember that
everyone is a sum of his or her own experiences, and that without his ex
and the past they shared together, he might not be the person you fell
for.
Step away from social media. If you’re
finding yourself hopelessly stalking his ex on Facebook, Instagram and
the like (so to speak), now’s the time to stop. It’s not healthy for
your body or your mind to be tracking someone’s social footprint, and
there are plenty of other ways to occupy your time that are far more
productive and beneficial to your life. Is the laundry piling up? Could
you use a mani/pedi? Is there a yoga DVD
you’ve been meaning to try? Instead of inundating yourself with images
of your partner’s ex, do something to make your own life a little more
picture-perfect.
Look deeper at the situation at hand. In
order to stop comparing yourself to his ex, it’s time to reexamine why
you’re feeling the need to compare yourself in the first place. Are you
simply curious about what she’s like, or is this stemming from deeper
insecurities in your relationship? For example, if your boyfriend makes
passing references to his ex and you don’t feel that you can live up to
his expectations, it’s time to discuss these issues with your partner.
By openly communicating your feelings about your mate’s ex and finding a
solution together, you can help make your comparison days a thing of
the past.
