Every married couple starts out with the best of intentions. They expect
their love will carry them through hard times and disagreements. They
believe their marriage will last forever. And many couples - with some
serious effort - manage to pass the test of time. What separates the
successful couples from the others is happiness. The first of two steps is choosing to be happy. The other is creating habits that are conducive to happiness. Here are some habits of happy couples:
1. They have actual conversations.
Communication makes or breaks all relationships. This is a fact that can not be repeated enough. Still, too many people don't get it. Couples who talk to each other - beyond listing chores that need to get done - are more likely to stay together. So, increase your odds by having conversations with your spouse. One way to keep up is to stay interesting. Read and do things, so that you'll have plenty to say to one another. Share your feelings every now and then. Of course, talk about any issues the two of you are facing either as individuals or as a couple. Most importantly, listen to one another and really hear what is being said.2. They show affection.
My sister-in-law, along with many other couples today, has artwork with the phrase, "Always kiss me goodnight" hanging over the bed. It is an excellent reminder that we have to show our spouses affection every day. We can't take a kiss or hug for granted. People need you to make continuous deposits in their love bank. Your spouse needs to know you care, and a goodnight or good morning (or preferably both) kiss is a great start.3. They have sex for goodness sake.
Yes, the kiss in tip No. 2 is a good start. But that's all it is - a start. Couples who are happy yearn for each other. You can't yearn if you can't remember what touching your spouse feels like. While there are always going to be ups and downs in your relationship and your sex life, you have to do your best to try and make whatever sex you have count. What does that mean? Flirt with each other to build anticipation. Communicate your sexual needs to one another. Go for a quickie if that's all your schedule permits. Make having sex and your partner's orgasm priorities in your life. You will be rewarded.4. They enjoy each other's company.
I've witnessed two sets of grandparents grow old together. They had what amounted to arranged marriages and were never gaga for each other. But they grew to be good companions. They had fun together. They would go out or even travel together. At home, they would garden or cook or fix up the house together. They would spend time doting over their grandchildren.At the end of their lives, they gave each other company when they needed it most. It was beautiful. You know why? In the end, they truly enjoyed being together. They had become the best of friends. Find stuff you like to do together and do it. Look for your spouse's positive qualities and encourage him or her to shine. Usually, those efforts come full circle, so that he or she will do the same for you. And boom! You're happy.
5. They give each other a boost.
You're proud to be with your spouse, so why hide it? Instead of griping to their friends about their husband's inability to take out the trash, wives in happy couples talk about how he calls her everyday or walks with her hand in hand in the grocery store. You should be lifting each other up in a world where everyone seems to be tearing each other down. This should go both ways. Husbands also should compliment their wives both in private and public whenever they can, too. After all, if your spouse can't stand up for you, then who?Make no mistake; you make your own happiness and you can't expect your spouse to do it for you. That said, having a good partner makes the work of making your own happiness a lot easier. Really, one could argue that happiness is knowing you're not alone in this world.
By Francesca Di Meglio
Newlyweds Expert
