There are a few of things in life you just know, and how much you love this naked woman is one of them. But there are a lot of things you don't know.
A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she’ll never give up. Pieces woven into the very fiber of her being. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh.
These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman’s deepest secrets that don’t—and never will—include you. You’re about to sample this hidden knowledge.
A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she’ll never give up. Pieces woven into the very fiber of her being. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh.
These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman’s deepest secrets that don’t—and never will—include you. You’re about to sample this hidden knowledge.
But like any man who seeks, you'd better be prepared for what you're about to find.
1. Her best friend knows everything.
She knows all of your vitals—from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings.
When her friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It’s not going to change.)
Chat with her about your relationship at your own risk. Your secrets are not safe with her. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love your girlfriend). But, in general, remember that she is your girlfriend's confidante first, and yours never.
2. Just looking at your hands can turn her on.
3. When you go away, even for a day, she sleeps in your favorite old T-shirt.
Because it smells like you.
4. She’ll never tell you exactly how many men she's slept with.
No matter how sincere she appeared when she answered your question, chances are she wasn’t.
As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she’s slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven.
Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet.
Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.
5. She fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before it actually happened.
(Wondering what other kinky things she's dreaming about? See how to Turn Her Sex Fantasy into a Reality.)
6. She has Googled your exes.
7. When she's falling in love with you, she completely loses her appetite.
8. Her body really isn’t naturally this hairless and smooth all over.
But she will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.
9. She only appears to have it all together.
Her true organization (or lack thereof) is revealed in her closet, her makeup bag, her desk files.
10. She still thinks about her ex-boyfriends and compares them to you.
Mostly you win. Sometimes not. (Nevertheless, here are 5 Things Her Ex Can Teach You.)
11. She has discovered your porn stash and your frequently visited porn sites.
And she thinks the things that turn you on are hilarious. (Like these Strange Categories of Internet Porn.)
12. When she says, "I'm ready," she'll need exactly 7 more minutes to get ready.
Don’t try to cheat the system by showing up 7 minutes later; She will still need an extra 7 minutes.
13. When she says, "I'll meet you in 15 minutes," she means she will leave in 15 minutes.
And thus, she won’t actually arrive for at least 30 (but probably more like 40).
14. You’ve made her cry more times than you’ll ever know.
15. She obsesses about when you’re going to call her again.
The period of time between your first date and your “Thanks for a great night; when can I see you again?” always seems stretched into slow motion.
So don’t worry about looking too eager. Call. Even if you only wait until noon the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to her.
And don’t send her an email or text unless you want her to put you in the figurative trash can along with your message.
16. She wants you to talk a little dirty.
(You heard her! Learn The Best Things to Say before, during, and after Sex.)
17. At the beginning of your relationship, she saves all of your voice mails and listens to them (and make her friends listen, too), repeatedly.
18. She might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave her legs because she likes you.
As crazy as it sounds, the more she likes you, the less likely she is to sleep with you on an early date, because she doesn’t want to sabotage having a "proper" relationship with you.
So she just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in her drawer and not shave her legs—all to prevent herself from getting naked with you too soon.
Sometimes she might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire.
19. She split the cost of her fashion purchases over two or more credit cards.
So you don't notice the gargantuan deficit.
20. She's constantly testing you.
She observes, analyzes, and judges every action, word, gesture, email, and facial expression.
When she asks you if you want to have a threesome, she doesn’t mean it. If you want her to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, “Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?”
21. She checks out your butt every time you leave the room.
(Make sure she likes what she sees. Learn how to Build a Butt Woman Will Want to Grab.)
22. She needs constant indications that you want her around.
That's why it’s better, for example, to say, “I want you to come away with me for the weekend. Could you come with me?” than to ask, “What are you up to this weekend?”
23. She loves it when you get a little jealous.
So if you ever see her flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know she's actually flirting with you—through him.
24. Even though she may complain that she doesn’t see you enough (or that you work too hard), she finds nothing sexier than watching you put on a suit in the morning and rush off to work.
25. She starts fights with you because she's feeling ignored.
She's trying to force emotion out of you. Don’t retreat into your cave; just give her what she wants: some attention. And never tell her to “calm down,” unless you want to guarantee that she absolutely won’t.
26. Even if she insists on paying or splitting the bill on your first date, she’ll think you're cheap if you let her.
(For more smart money moves, see the 7 Financial Habits of Highly Laid Men.)
27. She may find your best friend repulsive, but she's fantasized about sleeping with him.
Not because she wants him, but because she wants a piece of a guy who is so close to you.
28. If she's going to break up with you, all of her friends know way before you do.
She's been talking about it for 2 weeks.
29. When you and her do break up, she'll put all photographs of you and mementos of your relationship in a shoe box and store it in her closet.
Just in case she gets nostalgic. Just in case you come back.
30. She wants you to take control in bed.
Yes, she has a successful career, she's financially independent, she lives on her own, and she doesn’t need a man to make her happy (in theory). She still wants you to pick her up, carry her to the bedroom, and take without asking.
By Kathryn Eisman | Men's Health
