tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69353463685740782512024-03-19T15:59:02.114-04:00Love MagazineLove often takes on a life of its own. We have great advice and tips for every stage of dating to help you find your soul mate.Julius Choudhuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05998874811140593033noreply@blogger.comBlogger1219125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-30534324453822664352023-12-03T11:49:00.003-05:002023-12-03T11:52:21.272-05:007 Couples Therapy Exercises to Improve Your Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
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Couples therapy exercises aren't just tools; they're like open invites
to dive into love with creativity and joy. <br />Photo: Arthur Hidden,
Freepik
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<p>
By <b><author>Melinda Graham</author></b>
</p>
<p>
In the early phases of your
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search/label/Relationships" target="_blank">relationship</a>, a fun tickle of butterflies, sweet intoxication, and an emotional whirlwind
consume your thoughts with the presence of that special someone at every turn
of the day. This magical stage, called the "Honeymoon Stage", is a beautiful
state of pure bliss. However, over time, both individuals naturally resume
their regular rhythms, dealing with the inevitable stresses of life. A
once-intense feeling of closeness may wane somewhat in this ebb and flow.
</p>
<p>
The longer a couple has been together, the more effort they need to put into
nurturing their
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2023/03/how-to-fix-emotionally-draining-relationship.html">relationship</a>. Whether you're looking for ways to build a
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/10-best-ways-to-build-deeper-meaningful-relationship.html">deeper connection</a>
with your partner or are just curious about ways to strengthen your bond,
couples therapy exercises are something you can give a try.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Icebreakers</h3>
<p>
Even if you're convinced you've got your partner's life story down, throwing
in some fun icebreaker questions can dig up a nugget or two of fresh info.
Whenever you're feeling the itch for a deeper connection, give this a go and
get ready to uncover some cool new things about your partner.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Sharing Hobbies</h3>
<p>
Try to share and join in each other's hobbies. It's not just about hanging out
more—it's a chance to get close to each other. Sure, it can feel a bit
overwhelming to open up and share something so personal, but taking that risk
can bring incredible payoffs.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/04/zodiac-signs-that-should-never-ever-date-each-other.html">Zodiac Signs That Should Never, Ever Date Each Other</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">3. Synchronized Touch</h3>
<p>
Getting physical is a major thing that sets
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2021/12/7-green-flags-to-look-for-in-romantic-relationship.html">romantic love</a>
apart from just being buddies. Every couple has their own way of getting
close, whether it's
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2018/05/5-health-reasons-to-make-time-for.html">cuddling up</a>, sharing kisses, holding hands, or getting more intimate. These things are
crucial for keeping your relationship in good shape. For a simple 15-minute
exercise for physical intimacy, try synchronized touch. Face each other, take
a few deep breaths in sync, and start by holding hands. Pay attention to the
warmth and the emotions stirred by the closeness. Take turns exploring
different forms of touch, copying each other in real time. Just try to relax
and really soak in the whole experience.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">4. Expressing Gratitude</h3>
<p>
Gratitude is just good practice, no matter what's going on. Your partner does
a bunch of stuff during the day that deserves a "thank you." Making
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/11/5-simple-ways-to-practice-gratitude.html">gratitude</a>
a thing in your relationship keeps everyone feeling appreciated and not
overlooked. Just taking a moment to say thanks or give a nod to your partner
can significantly impact your relationship.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">5. Reminiscing</h3>
<p>
Revisiting cherished memories can rekindle the flame of connection. This
simple therapy exercise requires only spending quality time together. Take a
moment to reminisce about those heartwarming memories in your relationship.
Dust off photo albums, peruse saved letters or cards and rediscover the
sentimental value in gifts exchanged. Reliving these precious memories can
remind you why you fell in
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/12/is-love-real-10-happy-signs-that-fuzzy.html">love</a>
in the first place.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">6. Exploring Triggers</h3>
<p>
In a relationship, stress can turn into significant conflict when one partner
struggles with irritability, emotional turmoil, or depression. Take a
proactive step to identify the sources of stress in your life and your
partner's life. Together, figure out ways to eliminate stress triggers for
good. Every stress trigger has a solution, even if it's not obvious at first.
You can engage in open discussion as a couple, brainstorm, and find solutions
to your situation. This is an essential step in conflict resolution and deeper
emotional understanding.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">7. Spontaneous Fun</h3>
<p>
One of the most exciting parts of a relationship is exploring new things
together. However, as life settles into a rhythm, the days of unplanned day
trips and discovering new restaurants tend to dwindle. A fun remedy is to
invest in a scratch-off
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search/label/Dating%20Advice">date idea book</a>. Each activity is detailed with the time, cost, and energy level required.
Engage in one of these activities each month, and make sure to take photos of
the moments to remember the fun shared when you look back a year from now.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/06/7-signs-you-need-couples-counseling.html">7 Signs You Need Couples Counseling</a></b></i></p><br />
<p>
When it comes to building a relationship, the stuff you do together sticks in
your memory. These 7
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2018/02/5-ways-couples-therapy-can-help-your.html">couples therapy</a>
exercises aren't just tools; they're like invites to bring more love into your
lives with a bit of creativity and joy.
</p>
Melinda Grahamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06771222458587465312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-54588968936007138132023-07-01T18:12:00.002-04:002023-07-01T18:12:40.365-04:007 Rare Emotional Qualities that Attract Men<table
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Great emotional qualities create a long lasting impression. Photo:
marymarkevich / Freepik
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<p>
By <b><author>Melinda Graham </author></b>
</p>
<p>
Appearance and personality traits are frequently mentioned as important
aspects of
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2021/09/the-real-reasons-youre-attractive-according-to-science.html"
>attraction</a
>. There are, nevertheless, fewer well-known emotional characteristics that
fascinatingly attract men. These exceptional traits reach beyond the surface,
probing the depths of emotional resonance and connection. These
characteristics not only bring men closer together, but they also form lasting
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search/label/Relationships"
target="_blank"
>relationships</a
>
that go beyond the ordinary.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/psychological-tricks-deepen-relationship.html">5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Vulnerability: The Strength in Sensitivity</h3>
<p>
Contrary to common belief, vulnerability is a sign of boldness and sincerity
rather than weakness. Men connect deeply with women when they are emotionally
vulnerable and share their dreams, fears, and insecurities.
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2023/02/6-ways-to-increase-vulnerability-while-dating.html"
>Vulnerability </a
>creates a safe space for emotional
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2016/10/5-choices-thatll-keep-you-in-honeymoon.html"
>intimacy</a
>, allowing men to share their own vulnerabilities. These emotional exchanges
build trust, deepen understanding, and strengthen the relationship.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Emotional Intelligence: The Art of Empathy</h3>
<p>
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions,
both in oneself and others. Women who possess this rare quality have a
remarkable ability to empathize, offering support and understanding to their
partners. Men are drawn to women who can navigate emotional situations with
grace, showing empathy and offering comfort when needed. This emotional
intelligence helps create a harmonious and nurturing environment, fostering a
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/10-best-ways-to-build-deeper-meaningful-relationship.html"
>deeper emotional connection</a
>
between both partners.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
3. Authenticity: The Magnetism of Genuine Self
</h3>
<p>
Authenticity is a compelling trait that attracts guys immediately. It means
accepting one's own self, flaws and all, without caring about what others may
think. Women who are at ease with themselves radiate an irresistible charm and
confidence. Men are naturally drawn to people who are unashamedly themselves,
as it suggests a degree of honesty and sincerity that is absolutely appealing.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">4. Independence: The Freedom to Grow</h3>
<p>
Men admire and appreciate independent women. Women who have their own goals,
interests, and hobbies show confidence and resolve. They are eager to uphold
their independence while still maintaining their connection. They are not
frightened to achieve their goals. Men are drawn to this characteristic
because it promotes both personal development and a healthy reliance within
the partnership.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2023/02/how-fighting-can-strengthen-your-relationship.html">Here's How Fighting Can Strengthen Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">5. Playfulness: The Joy of Lightness</h3>
<p>
A touch of fun can do wonders in attracting guys amid life's stress and
bustle. Women with fun, cheerful personalities offer spontaneity and
excitement to relationships. Men feel alive and motivated by their capacity to
discover comedy in ordinary circumstances, which generates a lively and
entertaining dynamic.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">6. Compassion: The Power of Kindness</h3>
<p>
<a
href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2016/01/10-easy-ways-to-cultivate-compassion.html"
>Compassion </a
>radiates warmth and kindness. Women who genuinely care about others, whether
their lovers, friends, or strangers, leave a lasting mark on men's hearts.
This quality fosters a kind and supportive environment where men feel
understood and valued.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">7. Ambition: The Drive to Succeed</h3>
<p>
Ambition is an attractive quality that piques men's interest. Ambitious women
pursue goals, encourage their partners, and exhibit perseverance and
resiliency. This characteristic demonstrates a woman's capacity to overcome
hurdles and inspires men to strive for their own achievement. The shared
journey of growth and accomplishment strengthens the emotional connection.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/11/3-beliefs-that-will-attract-love-of.html">3 Beliefs That Will Attract The Love Of Your Life</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<p>
While the appearance and shared interests may initially attract men, the rare
emotional characteristics create a lasting impression.
</p>
Melinda Grahamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06771222458587465312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-57585455098081411382023-03-05T02:26:00.002-05:002023-03-05T02:27:04.702-05:00How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship and Regain Emotional Balance<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLNzfKx1XnHW-xoXEswKOCHORyjBe1-ny5aRcNhD45DyMs0VRMLw-JN-5n9-Xkm1oSIgP2pavQ0gJ7IBUCrCrMQgv4oMxQ0FuDvRqQ17YiEP8j77DM5S9JAYBczmmEEsD1EaL1JYAKfnLKdxB4u903ofZdj7hqIJtSwaFf8aQNIa2hxiwjvXaJb1tM5A/s16000/Draining-Relationship.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">It's essential to recognize when a relationship is draining you emotionally. Photo: Drazen Zigic, Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>By <b><author>Melinda Graham</author></b></p>
<p>
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search/label/Relationships" target="_blank">Relationships</a> can be a source of great joy and fulfillment, but they can also
be emotionally draining and challenging. Whether it's a romantic partner,
friend, or family member, an emotionally draining relationship can cause you
to feel exhausted, anxious, and stressed out. It's essential to recognize when
a relationship is draining you emotionally and take steps to regain your
balance.
</p>
<p>
Here are some tips to help you fix an emotionally draining relationship and
restore your <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/10/7-effective-ways-to-improve-your.html">emotional</a> well-being.
</p><br /><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/4-bad-habits-to-stop-for-sake-of-your-relationship.html">4 Bad Habits to Stop for the Sake of Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Identify the Problematic Behavior</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRbUYJIEvuaH4hDE2NhIdq6x_DEYNCi7jIJEENMB1S7cPH5_EvDTG1MqaamhGYCEFLrIHr0mxGfRSdhRQwDeKcJnUN0K434ZNnqyB0M1lez4uPsLMCmu0hxxldV19i0wMKf8viC66qdFXl9lvQei7pQlHLnR-i2n71Q35bG8TKPxNUT_tUTLryPYEyyQ/s16000/Identify-the-Problematic-Be.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Identify the Problematic Behavior" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">You need to identify the problematic behavior. Photo: bearfotos, Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>
Before you can fix an emotionally draining relationship, you need to identify
the problematic behavior. Take some time to reflect on the relationship and
think about what's causing you to feel emotionally drained. Is your partner
constantly <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2021/02/signs-your-spouse-needs-more-attention.html">demanding your attention</a>? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are
they manipulative or abusive? Once you've identified the problematic behavior,
you can start to work on addressing it.
</p><br />
<p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/05/6-ways-the-happiest-couples-change-over-time.html">6 Ways The Happiest Couples Change Over Time</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Communicate Your Needs</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7SCsq6W-cx2J4ritEGn-LFEJT9LaWjinBdGvEeSqhj5rNxYLNXYrgXK5dgaFJeoy8kLJdBKgBwuuOnOXzyoan5uWYNn-ejTaXt0MKuA-zTERcB3vgf5R_BLq9vUM4ui8wUwSLtnFlDa8Eqp5HAbpZo8TKU_-QfVCgSN2ZpUTxKcHItpbTUEfttq8fVA/s16000/Communicate-Your-Needs.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Communicate Your Needs" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Communication is crucial in any relationship. Photo: Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>
Many people avoid confrontation or difficult conversations, but communication
is crucial in any relationship. If you're feeling emotionally drained, it's
essential to communicate your needs to your partner. Be honest and direct
about how you're feeling and what you need from the relationship. It's
possible that your partner may not even realize that their behavior is causing
you stress, so giving them a chance to respond and adjust is important.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Set Boundaries</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0x2T1tmL1C5icgX_qdon3sFmuKgihUHZ7wlsjttHG41nhDaTYgdNLWikiZz6Ip9ENMfIK3te5VajFLGInYy1PRm209DO4D9VqM-lUslBJbbhWmGgX01SY2lP3H-GvgUGehQ_Ir7VSaRPhVYEBmzEPhx-aNs-uWooeuG1pBuV4c2PHPbw2lGpNQ_GCyQ/s16000/Set-Boundaries.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Set Boundaries" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">It's okay to say no. Photo: wayhomestudio, Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>
Sometimes, communicating your needs isn't enough, and you need to <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/09/%20-why-couples-shouldnt-spend-all-their-time-together--how-to-bring-it-up.html">set boundaries</a>. Boundaries are essential in any relationship, but they're
especially important in emotionally draining relationships. Be clear about
what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. It's okay
to say no and to prioritize your own emotional well-being.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Practice Self-Care</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEi_DnqbTKEIJ8PDCv2GaOPck90tgnCQ6rw_KWVZ5h9eus80eiCn3EhE-aqMuMXWYdkM7SS8HGwE4Q69ZX8eJvfOwJzwouqfsbQvGbyKY_YWWO1c0O-a-Nz_l7dFtNQFp5b9MgoVyjVtOTKk9sFf98eMElU12abUld51UWgvAEFo98t3jnbidbfIZ5kQ/s16000/Self-Care.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Practice Self-Care" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Taking care of yourself is crucial. Photo: wayhomestudio, Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>
Taking care of yourself is crucial in any relationship, but it's especially
important in emotionally draining relationships. Make sure you're getting
enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring
you joy. Practice relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga to help manage
<a href="https://health.dearjulius.com/2019/09/how-to-manage-stress-in-your-life.html" target="_blank">stress</a> and <a href="https://health.dearjulius.com/search/label/Anxiety" target="_blank">anxiety</a>.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Seek Support</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Fix an Emotionally Draining Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieJV9Srkr7pNoIMxmDe4On6WDHed-dzu12oN03pC7FNDDt4FRprFROEKQ6ujIoMD5Di8o-RHLmLnukzLc5bcB1CvGIYVydod7lU0KZSTZp__CF3atAEvWPpadmt78nwrRSXKBY4KOUw_WG7r7IzO2sU_BnOZA7OB1i_qkI8qfWLjnacR7bOFQwrkwHmw/s16000/Seek-Support.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Seek Support" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Don't be afraid to seek support. Photo: Drazen Zigic, Freepik</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<p>
Finally, don't be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Talking to someone who understands can be incredibly helpful, and a
professional can provide you with tools and strategies to help manage your
emotions and improve your relationship.
</p><br />
<p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/10-best-ways-to-build-deeper-meaningful-relationship.html">The 10 Best Ways To Build A Deeper, More Meaningful Relationship</a></b></i></p><br />
<p>
Fixing an emotionally draining relationship can be challenging, but it's
possible. By identifying problematic behavior, communicating your needs,
setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support, you can regain
your emotional balance and <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/11/cobwebbing-can-improve-all-your-relationships.html">improve your relationship</a>. Remember that your
emotional well-being is important, and it's okay to prioritize yourself in any
relationship.
</p>
Melinda Grahamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06771222458587465312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-71523744149205242472023-02-24T03:59:00.003-05:002023-02-24T04:06:07.578-05:006 Ways to Increase Vulnerability While Dating<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="6 Ways to Increase Vulnerability While Dating" border="0" data-original-height="490" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCj-pp9C0Y0z9xMGRmwJiJtSq1QYEuo3sq3nQesZok34BYXlRtjzAaYqtzoySKIc-UYEHvy5zTkSUJhxriupzQreq5knjAGtzQXi2rjG8A-IUG9f7aPd17lzfFDkOOclUZXQw4CaujH92JACkz_UOYJPnuPzGXOOFWkkq96agbsxWJJpGtb52zwRl2/s16000/couple-kissing.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Ⓒ Provided by eHarmony</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p>From <b><author>eHarmony</author></b></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Being vulnerable involves being open, present, and authentic. It is the
opposite of playing games or dating with a façade. The harsh truth is that
when you share something about yourself and put yourself out there, you are
not in control of how others respond. This can be especially painful when
others don’t respond with the compassion, acceptance and understanding you had
hoped for. Not being received in the way you had hoped can make the experience
of sharing even more anxiety-provoking, and when faced with rejection, you may
question yourself and enter into a shame spiral.
</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">
Often the walls used for protection are the same walls that hinder the
development of intimacy. You may genuinely want to find a <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search?q=loving+relationship" target="_blank">loving relationship</a>,
but your fear gets in the way. This trouble occurs if your fear leads you to
date with your guard up. This is why learning to be vulnerable despite your
fears, insecurities and natural imperfections is one of the most important
aspects of skilled dating. However, taking the risk to let people in is the
recipe for a true romantic partnership and love, so breaking through your
walls is a must. You can learn a lot by being vulnerable and witnessing
other’s responses. If you are not met with openness and acceptance by your
date, this information is significant in evaluating <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search?q=compatibility" target="_blank">compatibility</a>.
</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/11/cheap-date-night-ideas.html">8 Cheap Date Night Ideas That Don't Feel Cheap</a></b></i></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">
Here Are Six Ways To Increase Vulnerability As You Date:
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Recognize The Purpose Of Being Vulnerable.</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
Healthy sharing is the path toward true intimacy and connection. Vulnerability
is the means to really get each other, build a genuine bond and hopefully fall
in love or determine you aren’t a good fit. If you don’t share about yourself,
you may be protected from rejection, but you also won’t know if you’re a
match. If you can view being vulnerable as a healthy and normal aspect of
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search?q=dating" target="_blank">dating</a>, maybe it will feel more and more worth it despite the attached fears.
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Change Your Perception Of Vulnerability.</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
Unfortunately, our culture sometimes mistakes vulnerability for weakness,
especially when it comes to men and what it means to be masculine.
Vulnerability equals strength. Vulnerability shows your date that you are
emotionally available, in touch with your thoughts and feelings, and that you
care. Vulnerability makes you relatable as another imperfect human. Even
though it may feel uncomfortable, vulnerability is a form of confidence and
self-acceptance.
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
3. Understand Vulnerability May Look And Feel Different At Different Stages Of
Dating.
</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
For example, healthy sharing and vulnerability on a first date looks and feels
vastly different from healthy sharing and vulnerability on a sixth date
because it takes time to build trust. The progression of sharing paired with
healthy boundaries will allow you to get to know each other more deeply. Maybe
this means that you share your passions and interests early on, but you
withhold your relationship history until you know each other a bit better. It
can mean later in dating when you know you want to be exclusive; you openly
communicate that you’d like to define the relationship. Please know that being
vulnerable is an evolving process that takes time and emotional investment.
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
4. Take Baby Steps Toward Being Open And Sharing More About Yourself.
</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
Your walls will not come down overnight. This is natural, so go easy on
yourself as you try new ways of thinking and behaving. Changing the way you
relate to others takes time and practice. Focus on going slow and ensuring
that sharing isn’t one-sided. Build a connection by taking turns with sharing,
listening and asking questions.
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">5. View Yourself As Worthy.</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
You have value and a lot to offer to others even if you get rejected. Denying
your worth will make it nearly impossible to put yourself out there and show
the world who you are. In the dating context, if you don’t feel worthy, you
will walk around feeling insecure about what potential matches think of you.
You will put up walls for protection, disown parts of yourself, and maybe even
self-sabotage to ensure others don’t get too close to you and can’t reject
you. Accepting that rejection is a natural part of dating will aid you in
taking it less personally.
</p>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
6. Take Care Of Yourself When You Are Feeling Vulnerable Or Over-Exposed.
</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">
For example, maybe you shared that you have a child on a <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/search?q=first+date">first date</a>, which is
a topic that feels very vulnerable to you. Just because you feel
uncomfortable, doesn’t mean the choice to share was wrong. Breathe through it
and be gentle with yourself. Understand that being uncomfortable is part of
the process of allowing yourself to be more vulnerable. Also, be aware of the
stories you make up about yourself if your date doesn’t respond with empathy
or understanding. Don’t take it personally if someone rejects you because you
disclosed you are a parent and your date perceives this as a deal breaker.
Embrace who you are and own it.
</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes on vulnerability by Brene Brown:
</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"></p><blockquote>
OWNING OUR STORY CAN BE HARD BUT NOT NEARLY AS DIFFICULT AS SPENDING OUR LIVES
RUNNING FROM IT. EMBRACING OUR VULNERABILITIES IS RISKY BUT NOT NEARLY AS
DANGEROUS AS GIVING UP ON LOVE AND BELONGING AND JOY—THE EXPERIENCES THAT MAKE
US THE MOST VULNERABLE. ONLY WHEN WE ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO EXPLORE THE DARKNESS
WILL WE DISCOVER THE INFINITE POWER OF OUR LIGHT.</blockquote><p></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">
Consider how you can apply the above to dating, and I believe you can
transform your love life.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2021/02/dating-after-divorce-what-its-like-to.html">Dating After Divorce: What It’s Like to Get Back Out There</a></b></i></p>
<br />
<p>See more at <b><a href="https://www.eharmony.com/" target="_blank">eHarmony</a></b></p>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-21263711605696711262023-02-13T23:03:00.000-05:002023-02-13T23:03:14.100-05:0010 Subtle Signs of Resentment In A Marriage<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="10 Subtle Signs of Resentment In A Marriage" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY70dsTB1c-SPYC7-VdQyBpSvLBkezUNyyCsGQPgNwWX1hbx9ykCKC6zXdlFaNp0Kz2RsgpdgXwcTV-AJs8c8qErMSo3h1hMh1GJ3kk-jL068vxanzQYk9qQnIrhZ-CtJ5GiaiA40S90e1G5qUzCnZkx7Rd1x_FDUP-d18OpQ_Qd_sYjA8wKewgz5r/s16000/Marriage.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Fatherly</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p>By <b>Matt Christensen</b>, Fatherly</p>
<p>
Resentment is dangerous. It tiptoes into your mind and, if not immediately
dealt with, grows into a rot that <a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2017/10/9-bad-habits-that-can-ruin-your.html">can destroy relationships</a>. It starts out
innocently enough. Your partner does something and you feel, rightfully or
not, wronged, bothered, disappointed — something froths up. Instead of talking
about the issue at hand, you ignore it. Over weeks or months, the same thing
happens. And because it was never communicated about in the first place, the
resentment only grows and begins to manifest in troublesome ways.
</p>
<p>
It helps to understand the definition of resentment. “It is the feeling of
anger, irritation, or bitterness when holding the belief that you have been
wronged or betrayed by someone or treated unfairly,” says Elinor Bawnik, a Los
Angeles-based licensed marriage and family therapist. Though all feelings are
valid and deserve acknowledgement, our resentment may not be justified.
“Unfortunately,” says Bawnik, “whether our resentment is based on fact or
perception, acting on it can significantly impair relationships.”
</p>
<p>
Over time resentment can result in major rifts and conflicts. “It generally
starts with small signs, where the partner who is feeling it, may not even
realize that they are acting any differently,” says Michaela Decker, an
Arizona-based licensed marriage and family therapist. “Resentment rarely looks
like ‘I am feeling hurt because of…’ but instead manifests in many different,
subtle ways.”
</p>
<p>
When you feel yourself resenting your wife or your husband, the feeling needs
to be acknowledged and interrogated. But before you can do that, you must
recognize the signs of resentment and the little ways it infects your
relationship.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/4-bad-habits-to-stop-for-sake-of-your-relationship.html">4 Bad Habits to Stop for the Sake of Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">The Signs of Resentment In Marriage</h3>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">1. Clamming Up</h3>
<p>
As resentment grows, the desire for communication often shrinks. You may not
want to talk, or be spoken to, so you retreat inwards.
</p>
<p>
“Since we have perceived emotional pain, we often make ourselves less
emotionally available,” explains Decker. “We may not text or call as much
throughout the day and share fewer details of our lives with our partner.
Doing so doesn’t feel as emotionally safe as before.” The dangers here are the
“What ifs?” that can enter your partner’s mind as he or she tries to figure
out the reason behind your radio silence.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">2. Using Generalized Statements</h3>
<p>
The words “always” and “never” are rarely accurate. Using them when describing
frustrations with your partner can indicate your fixation on what’s wrong,
instead of what can be done to make it right.
</p>
<p>
“When we resent someone, our minds can become hyper-vigilant and look for
themes related to why we feel resentment,” says Decker. If your husband or
wife doesn’t follow through on, say, cleaning the kitchen before company
comes, you may feel or say that you can ‘never’ rely on them. “Doing so
results in our partner feeling like we only focus on their negative attributes
and don’t acknowledge their positive ones,” says Decker.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">3. Being Passive Aggressive</h3>
<p>
“We tend to act out our feelings of resentment indirectly, at least at first,”
says Decker. “We are often triggered by smaller things that normally wouldn’t
bother us and our reactions can become more intense than usual. We deliver
veiled messages and use sarcasm to express frustration instead of being
explicit.”
</p>
<p>
In your mind, minor annoyances may become major issues, and a quick sigh,
snide comment, or mocking gesture is easier to express than a deep emotional
dive and conversation. According to Decker, though, if left unchecked, the
behavior can fester and manifest as bitterness, anger, and disdain in the
future.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">4. Comparing Your Partner to Others</h3>
<p>
Jealousy preys on our insecurities. And when we’re feeling wronged by or
resentful of our partner, we begin to wonder what’s keeping us from being
happy like all of those ‘other couples’.
</p>
<p>
“When resenting a spouse or partner, we may longingly think of times where we
felt like our needs were met in other relationships, whether romantic or
platonic,” says Decker. The danger in doing so is that we create unrealistic
expectations that neither we nor our partner may be able to live up to.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">5. Feeling Hopeless About Conflicts</h3>
<p>
When you’re resentful, conflicts can start to seem unsalvageable and you may
feel like you don’t have the willpower to get through them.
</p>
<p>
“If you leave an interaction thinking, It doesn’t matter what I do. The
situation won’t change, you’re setting yourself up for catastrophe,” says
Bawnik. “Trying to talk to someone or fix something may feel like it’s too
much effort and not worth it, but not doing so only guarantees that the other
person will continue their behavior and the situation will stay the same.”
</p>
<p>
In short, you’ve got nothing to gain and everything to lose by inadvertently
harboring resentment after a disagreement.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">6. Focusing only on “Fairness”</h3>
<p>
You may have heard already, but life isn’t fair. Relationships aren’t either.
But resentment can leave you stewing about your spousal scorecard when it
comes to everything from doing chores to raising children.
</p>
<p>
“Resentment raises focus on what is fair, what you are worth, and what you get
out of a relationship, but not in an effective way,” adds Bawnik. “You may
have thoughts that you are being taken advantage of or undervalued in an
interaction or not getting your fair share. It may be true, but resentment may
lead you to quantify the relationship by counting how many times you took out
the dog or cleaned the house compared to your partner.” No matter the score,
both players lose.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2023/01/11-subtle-gaslighting-signs-to-look-for.html">11 Subtle Gaslighting Signs to Look for in Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">7. Complaining Excessively</h3>
<p>
As anger and frustration tend to stay with us, it’s common to seek validation
through the opinions of others. But, according to Bawnik, we may not always
get the empathy we want, which can lead to even more resentment.
</p>
<p>
“Resentment is very common after an unsuccessful interaction, when we feel our
boundaries are disrespected or miscommunicated. We can’t shake the feelings of
annoyance or bitterness immediately, so we may feel the need to complain to
others. Often, the empathy or validation we get is not enough to justify the
anger, and we’re still left with those feelings.”
</p>
<p>
Our resentment can grow — and show — through the feeling that no one
understands why we’re so upset.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">8. Saying Things You Can’t Take Back</h3>
<p>
“Resentment often goes hand-in-hand with feeling as if you are not being
heard. This can result in arguments becoming more frequent and intense,” says
Decker. “These types of arguments, built up from resentment, can include
threats to the relationship which can have devastating repercussions. We say
more hurtful things to our partner in the heat of the moment and then become
filled with more regret and shame.”
</p>
<p>
So, even though acknowledging and admitting resentment may be difficult, the
alternative is often eruption. And that does considerable damage.</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">What To Do If You Feel Resentment Bubbling Up</h3>
<p>
If you find yourself resenting your partner, you’re already a step ahead.
“Identifying the resentment is the first step,” says Bawnik.
</p>
<p>
To figure out a solution, Bawnik states the obvious: you need to talk about
your needs and boundaries assertively, acknowledge what and how you can make
changes that meet those needs. You must also acknowledge the needs of your
partner. riting down these needs, including the things you can’t change, while
also keeping listing what you’re grateful for in the relationship, is a
helpful exercise.
</p>
<p>
Decker advises doing whatever you can to break the inevitable cycle of mutual
resentment.
</p>
<p>
“Over time, your showings of resentment can create more hurt in the
relationship, which will lead your partner to resent you,” she says. “This
cycle can cause us to focus only on the negative aspects of our relationship
when, instead, we can use the experience to cultivate healing with each
other.”
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2023/02/how-fighting-can-strengthen-your-relationship.html">Here's How Fighting Can Strengthen Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<br />
<p>See more at <b><a href="https://www.fatherly.com/" target="_blank">Fatherly</a></b></p>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-44827117892411072112023-02-04T09:50:00.001-05:002023-02-04T09:50:17.332-05:00Here's How Fighting Can Strengthen Your Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Here's How Fighting Can Strengthen Your Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="568" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLT7lFOGDO_rNyizTdBu6dHZTqBXgPkdTV5WHZj5j0zxdxnmVPp9fWmD4Bq79P3_Jo0M_iRHVyhavQbPv_9CgYfKi6OLyZMIk2MTTZqaSvJNShZFBAFohsnmkm943DR2WE7fN66O1NlBT4EfBetV7vMDkn15VZVJsh5ceqZZ-kLDaBfDXsQn8oCCXw/s16000/Fighting.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Men's Health</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p>By <b>Jay Shetty</b>, Men's Health</p>
<p>
Every couple argues—or should. No matter how compatible you are, living in
conflict-free bliss isn’t love; it’s avoidance. But how do you argue in a way
that’s not just having the same old fight every time? Knowing your fight
styles—how each of you processes conflict—makes it easier to get a handle on
your arguments and helps you stay neutral. My wife, Radhi, and I have
completely different styles of arguing. I want to dive in and talk it out,
whereas she wants to collect her thoughts and cool down a bit before we speak.
I’m eager to find a resolution, while she wants to take a break, decompress,
and think through the issue on her own before reconvening. Understanding this
about each other stopped me from feeling hurt when she would go quiet during
an argument, and it stopped her from being annoyed when I would want to
discuss an issue at length. Identifying your partner’s fight style and your
own is the first step toward <a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/05/9-signs-little-fight-with-your.html">fighting for love</a>.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2016/05/whats-worth-fighting-over-in.html">What's Worth Fighting Over In A Relationship?</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Find Your Fight Style</h3>
<p>
Most people rely on one of these when conflict arises. See which best
describes you:
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Venting</h3>
<p>
Some people, like me, want to express their anger and keep hashing it out
until a solution is reached. To paraphrase a common saying, there are three
sides to every argument: yours, mine, and the truth. There is no objective
truth. The fighter who is solution oriented wants to get to an answer and is
often overly focused on facts. It’s natural to want to solve the problem, but
if this is you, you need to remember to slow down and make room not just for
facts, which are often up for debate, but for both sides of the story and for
two sets of emotions: yours and your partner’s. Watch out for unfiltered
talking—in your eagerness to wrap things up, you might overwhelm your partner
with too many ideas and approaches. Don’t rush to an answer. First, you and
your partner will need to agree about what issue you’re up against. Only then
can you look for solutions together.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Hiding</h3>
<p>
Some people shut down in an argument. The emotions are just too strong, and
you need space. You need to process. You either go silent in the middle of the
argument or leave the room and have to regroup before continuing. The person
who withdraws doesn’t want to contemplate solutions in the heat of the moment.
They aren’t ready to hear them and may grow more annoyed if their partner
pushes for a quick resolution. If this is your style, take the time and space
you need, but don’t use your silence as a way of doing battle.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">Exploding</h3>
<p>
Some of us can’t control our anger, so we erupt with emotion. This response
takes a great toll on relationships, and it’s a behavior you should make a
concerted effort to change. If you fall into this category, you must work on
managing your emotions. This might involve bringing in outside resources to
help you with anger management. Or you can make a plan with your partner
during a time of peace, deciding that the next time you fight, you agree to
take a time-out. Figure out what would work best for you: perhaps going for a
run, taking a shower, or otherwise letting off steam.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/01/therapist-12-tips-for-fighting-couples.html">Therapist 12 Tips for Fighting Couples</a></b></i></p>
<p><br /></p>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">How to Work With Your Fight Style</h3>
<p>
Once you’ve identified your fight style, talk to your partner about it. What
do they think theirs is? Based on your styles, create space for each of you to
be angry and make a schedule that lets you deal with it properly.
</p>
<p>
If one or both of you like to vent, the other might need more time and space
to process. Just because one person isn’t ready doesn’t mean they don’t love
the other, and they should reassure their partner of this. Make sure you know
each other’s process before the next argument so that your different fight
styles don’t become the reason the fight escalates. Look to develop your
self-expression, but allow yourself the time you need to decompress and think
before trying to address the issue. If you both like to vent, this can work
well if you’re doing so in an intentional way, with the goal of overcoming the
issue together.
</p>
<p>
If your partner needs to retreat, let them go. Withdrawal may feel like a
punishment, but that’s not necessarily their intention. It’s an emotional
reaction. If you need to withdraw, say so. If one or both of you want space,
plan to talk when the two of you are ready. Make good use of the extra time
this gives you. Instead of allowing yourselves to get even more worked up,
remember that you are on the same side, and try to distill the issue to its
core so that when you return to the conversation, you can articulate what you
and your partner are up against.
</p>
<p>
If your partner is explosive, encourage them during a period of calm to work
on the behavior. The same is true if you are both explosive. During an
<a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2018/08/how-to-argue-your-way-to-stronger.html">argument</a>, you can simply say, “We’re not going to come to a solution when
either of us is this upset. Let’s talk when we’re ready.”
</p>
<p>
You don’t need to avoid fighting to have a good relationship. Love built on
honesty and understanding is deep and fulfilling but not necessarily peaceful.
Rather than looking at an argument like you’re taking sides against each
other, frame the conversation as if it’s the two of you taking on the problem.
Keeping this concept in mind and respecting each other’s fight style helps you
fight the issue together instead of fighting each other.
</p><p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/08/five-bad-habits-that-can-ruin-your-relationship.html">Five Bad Habits That Can Ruin Your Relationship</a></b></i></p>
<br />
<p>See more at <b><a href="https://www.menshealth.com/" target="_blank">Men's Health</a></b></p>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-11229030409131260592023-01-07T03:19:00.002-05:002023-01-07T03:19:30.096-05:0010 Gaslighting Phrases Used in Relationships to Manipulate You
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="10 Gaslighting Phrases Used in Relationships to Manipulate You" border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk4AQnzdyaB55Lv-y5mUD0-GgV3ifdVNA8yoq8HwK0Kcdnwk9Ez15dtCdl6N1CHgg-uVEsIktrnJ364s3PGsdx2CHyJzZceLwX5XVVO_ZuM52Jtf_N5JIkz_jyUo2WcRJoMdd-uL9_NUaDWxQ-eEE2wS0HNPHH1yzrkFQSJpZxpFNcklybQha6LiLM/s16000/Gaslighting.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Motherhood Life Balance</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p>By <b>Elizabeth Ervin</b>, Motherhood Life Balance</p>
<p>Being with a narcissist is an emotionally taxing and toxic experience. Several people gave examples of gaslighting phrases they endured in their relationships to serve as a warning for others. Here are the top-voted examples.</p>
<br />
<h3>1. You’re Being Negative Again. Here We Go With You Ruining My Day.</h3>
<p>One explained that they were in a relationship with a narcissist. Whenever she brought up something that bothered her to hold him accountable, he would reply, “You’re being negative again. Here we go with you ruining my day.”</p>
<br />
<h3>2. Oh, but It’s Perfectly Okay When You Do It?</h3>
<p>Another explained that after her partner resorted to deliberating and maliciously attempting to hurt her (e.g., silent treatment, boundary violations, blame-shifting, playing devil’s advocate), he replied, “Oh, but it’s perfectly okay when you do it?”</p>
<p>She clarified, “The it that he referred to is me saying/doing something he didn’t like. The difference is I didn’t say or do things to be deliberately hurtful or malicious to him.”</p>
<p>“Instead, I often expressed my hurt and frustration at him for not fulfilling obligations and not respecting the relationship’s boundaries. I wanted to be heard, understood, and supported.”</p>
<p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2023/01/11-subtle-gaslighting-signs-to-look-for.html">11 Subtle Gaslighting Signs to Look for in Your Relationship</a></b></i></p><br />
<h3>3. Look at You Crying and Playing the Victim</h3>
<p>“Look at you crying and playing the victim,” another volunteered. She elaborated that was his response after his verbal abuse and yelling that resulted in her tears.</p>
<br />
<h3>4. You Have a Twisted Way of Remembering Things</h3>
<p>“You have a twisted way of remembering things,” shared one. “Uh, no. I remember the facts, and you have a version that doesn’t make you look like as much of a jerk as you were.” A second agreed, “Same here. Or ‘You always twist my words,’ when it was a word-for-word of what he legit said a second before.”</p>
<br />
<h3>5. I Care About Your Feelings, But Your Delivery Was Wrong</h3>
<p>One person expressed that their former partner would claim to be approachable about discussing issues in our relationship, but that “My delivery was wrong. Every. Single. Time.”</p>
<p>Another shared, “Me too. No matter how well I did or worded it, I was still wrong. I said a word the wrong way. I didn’t have the right tone. I was XYZ. It was exhausting and frustrating, and it beat me down.”</p>
<p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/06/what-to-do-if-your-partner-cheated-on-you.html">What to Do If You Find Out Your Partner Has Cheated on You?</a></b></i></p><br />
<h3>6. I Don't Remember Saying or Doing That</h3>
<p>“I don’t remember saying or doing that. Did I do that?” And then it was up to me to prove that he did or said whatever I called him out on,” one stated. Others agreed that this toxic behavior is standard gaslighting.</p>
<br />
<h3>7. Threatening Divorce</h3>
<p>Another person explained how their ex-partner would threaten divorce if they attempted to establish a boundary or stated a need they were unwilling to respect. They elaborated that when they didn’t behave in the manner their partner expected, their ex-partner would state, “I wasn’t ready to be married.”</p>
<br />
<h3>8. Oh. No. That's Not What I Meant.</h3>
<p>“After saying something horrible and mean, and hearing me confront him about it at a later time because I was bothered by it (I would quote him, by the way. Just repeating what he said or did), he would say in a very matter of fact tone “Oh. No. That’s not what I meant.” As if it’s my fault for misinterpreting his horrible behavior,” one shared.</p>
<p>“It was before I knew what gaslighting was. It drove me crazy! Well, that’s what you SAID. And that bothers me. After that, the conversation would go nowhere. He’d never take responsibility.”</p>
<br />
<h3>9. You Always Do This</h3>
<p>One user shared, “Whenever we’d have tension, I’d ask if everything was okay. We should smooth it out if anything was wrong and get back to our usual oddball shenanigans. He replied, “You always take things out of context.” “You always read into things.” “You always have problems.”</p>
<p>They continued, “Until I educated myself about Narcs and gaslighting, I fell for it pretty much every time. Stop making a scene. Stop telling me there are problems that we need to smooth over. Just deal with me in the good times, brush the bad or out-of-the-ordinary right under the rug, and forget it.”</p>
<br />
<h3>10. You Are Being Too Emotional</h3>
<p>A final user shared, “The classic: ‘You are being too emotional.” The last time we spoke after the breakup, I told him whenever I tried to set boundaries, he wouldn’t let me, and he said: “That’s insane. You are crazy. You do this to hurt me”.</p>
<p>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/10-best-ways-to-build-deeper-meaningful-relationship.html">The 10 Best Ways To Build A Deeper, More Meaningful Relationship</a></b></i></p><br />
See more at <b><a href="https://motherhoodlifebalance.com/" target="_blank">Motherhood Life Balance</a></b>
Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-939435084112145032023-01-01T10:57:00.004-05:002023-01-01T10:57:35.287-05:0011 Subtle Gaslighting Signs to Look for in Your Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="11 Subtle Gaslighting Signs to Look for in Your Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="493" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPrtqhKX4bIqROthdqkwoob0AieslG_c5-zlTsJiiRpPJhbigmtKP-u-xyXSTO-54OWxCETkeirzG9zN3TfP0VAfHoZ4tG_khGx_aChb-7vjJ6-cjPzpTi27CbglLKErkys7quuwutQG_y9mrV-SeNXlF8o6sYle0EQjr0WUfN8RbSg7W5opJXkYPR/s16000/Gaslighting.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Parade</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Maryn Liles</b>, Parade
<p> </p>
What is gaslighting in relationships, and how can you tell if you're a victim of this manipulative form of emotional abuse?
<p> </p>
Knowing the signs of gaslighting—whether you suspect your partner is gaslighting you or not—is important, because often, they can be quite subtle and difficult to pinpoint until you know exactly what signs of gaslighting you're looking for.
<p> </p>
Parade spoke to three Gottman-certified relationship experts to ask what gaslighting is and what subtle signs of gaslighting we should be wary of in relationships.
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/03/8-things-that-can-keep-you-trapped-in-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist.html">8 things that can keep you trapped in a relationship with a narcissist</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
<h3>What is gaslighting in relationships?</h3>
"Gaslighting is emotional abuse," says Stacy Hubbard, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer. "[It's] a tactic used by batterers to control their partner. In essence, it is an attempt to make the other person question and doubt their own sanity."
<p> </p>
Mike McNulty, PhD, Master Trainer for The Gottman Institute and Founder of The Chicago Relationship Center, adds, "It’s a very manipulative tactic that people use for their own gain. By making the other person feel and look crazy, the gaslighter manipulates the partner for their own personal gain or benefit."
<p> </p>
However, being able to distinguish between true gaslighting vs. a few negative behaviors or reactions from our partner is critical, says Vagdevi Meunier, Psy.D., a Master Trainer for the Gottman Institute and founder of the Austin-based Center for Relationships. "It is really important that we make a distinction between 1) gaslighting that is part of a larger picture of dominance, control, and "intimate terrorism" and words and, 2) behaviors from our partners that might be dismissing or discounting of our reality. One, or even several, acts of dismissing or discounting my perceptions or opinion may not necessarily be gaslighting," she cautions.
<p> </p>
"If it is true gaslighting then the behavior is a clear example of emotional and psychological abuse. One person is systematically and with harmful intent trying to make their partner go insane or seriously doubt their own grasp on reality," Meunier says. "Gaslighting, in its original form, is usually a part of what we call characterological abuse based on Dr. Gottman's research on domestic violence," she explains—which you can read more about in Dr. Gottman's book, When Men Batter Women.
<p> </p>
<h3>Where did the word "gaslighting" come from?</h3>
"The term 'gaslighting' came from the 1944 movie where a husband deliberately and systematically manipulated reality to make his wife mistrust her own sanity and perceptions in order to drive her crazy so he could take over her estate," explains Meunier. "There was clear and premeditated intent here to drive her over the edge. Today, that term is used much more loosely and is often used to denote when one person is making another person doubt their perceptions, knowledge, or opinions," she adds.
<p> </p>
<h3>Why is gaslighting in relationships so harmful?</h3>
"The key ingredient here is intent to control, manipulate and subjugate one's intimate partner. If this is the case, then the perpetrator of gaslighting is acting sadistically—in other words, they are deliberately damaging someone's psyche without any care for the consequences on the victim," says Meunier. " This is what makes true gaslighting harmful in relationships."
<p> </p>
McNulty adds, "Even when it is done on a one-time basis, gaslighting holds potential to destroy trust between partners. For example, out of desperation, a person may gaslight their partner to cover up an affair or some other major betrayal. A one-time incident of gaslighting can totally destroy trust in the relationship because the partner who discovers they were gaslit, may be shocked that perpetrator could do such a thing." Ultimately, he explains, "They will not feel safe in the relationship, and this lack of safety makes it impossible for the relationship to continue."
<p> </p>
What's more, "Gaslighting is often used in tandem with other types of emotional and/or physical abuse," Hubbard warns. "The abuser is attempting to control the other person and gaslighting can often be one tactic, but likely it is in combination with other types of emotional abuse—such as isolating the victim, making sure they don’t have access to their own money, making sure they are cut off from family and friends, not allowing them to work. In this dynamic where gaslighting can be present, there is no partnership or equality."
<p> </p>
<h3>What motivates partners to gaslight their significant other?</h3>
"Sometimes partners who gaslight on a one-time basis or during a brief period in a relationship, find themselves caught up in a betrayal they never imagined would happen—like an affair or something financial," says McNulty. "Such partners fear their partner will leave if they learn the truth, and do not know how to approach their partner to own the betrayal and recover from it," he explains. However, "When gaslighting is a pattern, the partner who gaslights typically has a very narcissistic or antisocial personality," McNulty adds.
<p> </p>
"If gaslighting is part of a whole set of behaviors that are designed to control and dominate, then the motivation to gaslight comes from that larger purpose: to have power over another human being," explains Meunier. "Among characterologically abusive partners, one motivation might be 'hostile dependency' (i.e. I am going to make you feel so crazy, weak or unworthy that you won't leave me because you will begin to believe no one can love you the way I do). Another type of abusive partner might have anti-social, or what is often called 'malignant narcissistic,' traits (i.e. It is my way or the highway, and I don't care who I have to destroy to have my way)."
<p> </p>
Ultimately, "Gaslighting is part of a system of battery, which is an attempt to control one's partner," says Hubbard. And while "that effort to control may be out of fear of abandonment, or a deep need to keep their partner in their lives, they are going about in a hurtful and abusive manner."
<p> </p>
<h3>11 signs of gaslighting in relationships</h3>
Here are some of the key signs of gaslighting in relationships:
<p> </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>
You constantly question your reality—even on small things, like where you left your keys or what time you said you'd be somewhere.</li><li>
You feel like you have no control over how you live your life—like not being able to do the dishes or laundry the way you like because your partner insists that things must be done their way.</li><li>
You get shot down or called names whenever you express an opinion your partner doesn't like—often leading to an irrational argument designed to confuse you and steal your peace of mind.</li><li>
You question your self-worth—because your partner is constantly putting you down or attacking your character.</li><li>
You feel like your partner is toying with you or playing games—as if your partner gets satisfaction out of making you feel crazy or stupid.</li><li>
You're suspicious that your partner is betraying you—whether it's by hiding their spending habits from you or actually having an affair.</li><li>
You have no control over money—which is yet another way your gaslighting partner can manipulate you and control your behavior.</li><li>
Your partner makes up flimsy excuses when confronted—giving you poor explanations that don't make sense or can't be verified.</li><li>
You feel isolated from friends and family—because your partner enlists support from others to make you feel crazy and alone.</li><li>
Your partner never answers your questions directly—in fact, they'll often deflect your concern by turning the focus around and attacking you instead.</li><li>
You feel like you're being watched at all times—often having to justify where you were and who you were with.
</li></ul><i><b> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/phubbing-hurting-relationship.html">What Is "Phubbing," And Does It Hurting Your Relationship?</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
<h3>How to tell if your partner is gaslighting you—4 questions to ask yourself</h3>
Meunier suggests going beyond the specific signs of gaslighting in relationships and asking yourself these questions:
<p> </p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>
Across the whole relationship, does my partner systematically and regularly control, manipulate, and try to reduce my self-worth or autonomy?</li><li>
Does the gaslighting become one of many ways in which I am made to feel I am stupid, crazy, or irrational and therefore not to be trusted or given rights within the relationship?</li><li>
When my partner discounts, dismisses or mocks my perceptions and reality, does this go along with a host of other behaviors and incidents when my partner prevents me from making my own decisions, having authority over my own space, my children, my work, my money, or my friends and relatives?</li><li>
When I am told my perceptions and opinions are wrong or dumb, does it make me feel small and unworthy, and do I feel like this in a lot of different ways in this relationship?
</li></ol><p> </p>
<h3>Can relationships heal from gaslighting?</h3>
"If gaslighting is not a pattern, the partners may be able to recover the relationship through seeking treatment—intensive couples treatment that helps them to create transparency and restore a sense of safety in their relationship," says McNulty. "In this case, if the gaslighting partner is able to own their betrayal, express sincere remorse, and help create transparency and restore safety in the relationship, the partners are poised to discover why their relationship was vulnerable to betrayal and to build a better relationship. This is healing for both partners."
<p> </p>
It's also important to keep in mind that "what one person calls gaslighting can often be their partner's argumentative nature, their air of superiority, or their judgmental tendency," cautions Meuiner. "Many scientists, doctors, and other highly educated and skilled people have a hard time being humble in relationships or knowing how to have egalitarian relationships. They may not intend harm on purpose and are often surprised when their partners get angry and hurt by their remarks. In these situations, healing is indeed possible. When the person engaging in the gaslighting behavior is genuinely concerned about the impact they are having on the partner, willing to look at their own contribution to the problem, and are willing to learn healthier ways of communicating in intimate relationships, then healing is possible and they have a good chance of building a flourishing relationship with the help of a relationship counselor."
<p> </p>
However, "If gaslighting is a pattern, then the perpetrator has to be open to very intensive individual therapy. It will take years to treat the personality disorder that led to this disturbing pattern of behavior. In the meantime, the couple will also need intensive couples therapy. In addition, the therapy will need to be supported by external measures that help ensure safety, such as polygraph tests," McNulty emphasizes, to protect the victim. However, "Perpetrators generally are not receptive to participate in this type of treatment." That's why "repair and recovery from the gaslighting is generally unworkable," he says.
<p> </p>
Meunier agrees: "If the gaslighting is part of characterological abuse, it is very difficult to imagine that healing is possible. It would take a huge awakening on the part of the perpetrator to realize their behavior has damaged another human being's psychological well-being and that they want to learn healthy relationship and intimacy skills." Bluntly stated: "This is highly unlikely," she says.
<h3>How to stay safe, if you think you're a victim of gaslighting:</h3>
"Gaslighting is often a tactic used by abusers who are characterologically violent," says Hubbard. "With characterological violence, there is a clear victim and perpetrator—there is not admittance of wrongdoing on the abuser's part and, in fact, they often blame their partner for making them explode into violence. This is an unsafe dynamic," she warns.
<p> </p>
However, "Leaving an abusive relationship is very dangerous. This is when a spike in violence can occur or the abuser can stalk and kill their victim if they leave—so we are always aware of the risks of leaving," she warns. "A safety plan and a well-thought-out escape plan needs to be in place. Seek help if you are in this position, or even if you think you may be."
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/02/signs-of-a-toxic-relationship-are-you-the-cause.html">17 Signs of a Toxic Relationship - Are You the Cause?</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
See more at <b><a href="https://www.parade.com/" target="_blank">Parade</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-48836041016682430972022-12-25T10:06:00.000-05:002022-12-25T10:06:10.631-05:004 Bad Habits to Stop for the Sake of Your Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="4 Bad Habits to Stop for the Sake of Your Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="462" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_UCectl87tYKpk1rEeL68tKWk1301LnrJY8j-t64hi2PTkS1h9Xr6YqNzCdRpmfyVz9y-D6lhBNMJ1HcjBuuu-n0B8DcTjk0nn1xXUyJBulsocZri-hkeP4zykn750s790QtLMvLWe8QABlqrEy7xKFj6q9oprY2ifICDhYYPS03W55JtlMd1MkWU/s16000/Relationship.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by Well+Good</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Erica Sloan</b>, Well+Good
<br /><br />
According to couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, co-founder of relationship counseling platform Ours, some of these under-the-radar habits can actually spring from good intentions, which is all the more reason why they can be so tough to identify in the moment. So, if you suspect you’re doing all the right relationship things but still feel a baseline level of tension bubbling up between you and a partner, one of these bad relationship habits may be to blame. Read on for the most common ones that Earnshaw sees in her practice.
<br /><br />
<h3>1. You take on the majority of your shared responsibilities</h3>
A highly uneven division of the tasks that you and a partner share—be they household chores, taking care of a kid, planning a trip, or even small things like responding to mutual invites—is sure to degrade the quality of your partnership over time.
<br /><br />
“What I often see happen is, at the beginning of a relationship or after two people move in together, one person will over-function, so they’re the one always changing the toilet paper, putting the dishes away, picking up the socks, and it’s no big deal because they love their partner and these are easy things to do,” says Earnshaw. “But then life starts to compound, and you have to deal with your growing careers, or you have kids, or you move into a bigger space, and then, being the one who continues to take care of everything begins to breed resentment.”
<br /><br />
The tricky thing is achieving a (roughly) balanced division of those tasks before you reach that point. While you may want to do things for your partner—and that’s certainly not a bad thing—when it becomes a pattern or even an implicit contract of the relationship that you’re going to take care of most or all of the shared tasks, it’s bound to become exhausting and unsustainable with time, says Earnshaw. And eventually, you start to wonder why you’re the only one doing it, she says. Speak up now and have an honest, nonjudgmental conversation with your partner to figure out a more equitable solution for household chores and tasks.
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/10-best-ways-to-build-deeper-meaningful-relationship.html">The 10 Best Ways To Build A Deeper, More Meaningful Relationship</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>2. You over-schedule yourselves with hobbies, activities, or side projects</h3>
It’s great to be an interesting person who loves to do lots of different things, and it’s great to date one of those people, too. But when you blend your lives together, the sum total can quickly become overwhelming. If you add up your things, their things, and the things you’ve chosen to do together and arrive at a number that isn’t reasonable to hit within the confines of daily life, you’ve gone overboard in a way that will both reduce your capacity to do the things you love and interfere with the quality of your relationship.
<br /><br />
Earnshaw sees this commonly among high-achieving couples: “One is a doctor and the other’s a financial advisor, or one’s a teacher and the other is a journalist, and they’re just super busy, but also, they have a million interests,” she says. “When I ask them what their day-to-day life is like, they’ll tell me, ‘We get up at 5:00 a.m, take the train into the city, go to work, come home, and then I have yoga class and my partner does fencing, and after that, we’ll end up at Home Depot because we’re gutting our bathroom right now, and then we’re caulking things, and then we try to watch TV together, but I have 80 emails, so we’re on our computers.’” Then they wonder why they’ve lost their sense of intimacy or are constantly at each other’s throats, she says.
<br /><br />
The problem here is with saying “yes” to all of the things without really thinking about how each one will impact the big picture, says Earnshaw. In her experience, this often happens in couples where both people are trying to be really supportive of each other’s interests—which is, again, a good thing. But that doesn’t negate the time economics of life, which she suggests discussing whenever you or your partner wants to add something new to the table. “Have a conversation around how much time the new thing will realistically take and whether it might take away time from something that’s important between the two of you,” she says.
<br /><br />
Writing a list of all the things you each do daily (including the time you spend together, which people tend to leave off) can also help you figure out how to best prioritize, while illuminating activities that you might be able to strike out, she says, so that you don’t fall into the bad habit of overcommitting as a couple.
<br /><br />
<h3>3. You let personal stress build up inside of you (rather than sharing it)</h3>
If you’ve ever had a fight or disagreement only to wind up saying, “It’s not you, I’m just stressed about [insert other thing here],” you know how easily any one person’s individual stress can infiltrate the dynamics of a relationship. But, perhaps counterintuitively, trying to keep stress inside you—rather than finding a time to share it with a partner—can actually make that worse.
<br /><br />
This typically manifests in one of two ways. There’s the person whose internal stress causes them to act grouchy or irritable (for example, coming in the door and instantly complaining about the noise or the dishes in the sink), and there’s the person who just shuts down and isolates themselves, says Earnshaw. Both of these bad relationship habits can be tough to break because they’re natural coping strategies for the discomfort of feeling stressed, she says. But they’re also bound to create unnecessary tension and distance over time.
<br /><br />
The antidote? Utilizing your partnership to work through stress together, rather than allowing the stress to bulldoze right through it. This requires both people committing to a brief daily conversation about the stress that each of them may be feeling and doing so at an agreed-upon time (so you don’t wind up in the scenario where one person is trying to vent about their horrible boss while the other is in the midst of watching their favorite TV show, for example).
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/11/top-8-minor-but-toxic-things-to-stop-saying-to-your-partner.html">Top 8 "Minor But Toxic" Things to Stop Saying to Your Partner</a></b></i><br /> <br />
“In this conversation, you can ask simple questions of each other, like ‘What is stressing you out?’, ‘What bothers you the most about that?’ and ‘What are you worried about happening or what’s the worst-case scenario?’ and then just listen calmly, letting them vent without attempting to offer solutions or advice,” says Earnshaw. “Doing this for both people each day can keep you from either acting irritable with each other or getting distanced whenever stress happens.”
<br /><br />
<h3>4. You have no boundaries around technology use</h3>
Before you eye-roll at the “put your phone down” tip, know that you don’t have to disengage from technology completely or even mostly in order to have a great relationship. The key is just to make sure you’re not allowing technology to drive a wedge between you and your partner in moments that would otherwise be ripe for connection.
<br /><br />
“Most people don’t realize how big of a role technology plays in their day,” says Earnshaw. “They wake up in the morning, and they’re sitting with a partner at the breakfast table, but they’re reading Twitter on their phone, then they’re firing off a Slack and listening to a podcast on their headphones while getting ready, and then they’re moving from that podcast to their computer to check emails.” With the recent advent of remote work for many folks, the boundary between work and home is blurrier than ever, she adds, leading many to engage with work pings and emails later into the evening, too.
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Once the day is done, it’s easy to just continue along the technology path, regardless of your work location: “Maybe you sit down together, turn on the TV, and pull out your phones, and you have your laptop just off to the side in case you need to respond to a ping or order something online,” says Earnshaw. Theoretically, you could go hours without engaging with your partner, whereas, in the absence of the tech, you might have a meaningful conversation or just an opportunity to connect about your days.
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The problem with the above is the mindlessness of it, says Earnshaw. “I don’t believe that technology is always a bad thing for a relationship,” she says. “I think that two people can lay in bed and look at Tweets and read them to each other or send memes back and forth, or watch a show together that they’re both engaged in, and it can truly feel connective.” It’s just when the tech habit becomes so ingrained as an individualized activity and a distraction from time spent together that things take a turn for the worse.
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To avoid that spiral, Earnshaw suggests having a conversation in which you set boundaries around tech use (for example, no phubbing while you’re speaking to each other or eating a meal) and figure out, in instances where you are going to continue using it, how you can do so in a more supportive way for your partnership.
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/12/phubbing-hurting-relationship.html">What Is "Phubbing," And Does It Hurting Your Relationship?</a></b></i><br /> <br />
For example, if you both spend Sunday mornings in bed scrolling through your phones silently, perhaps you suggest that you start doing a crossword on the phone in bed together or read your tweets aloud like you’re reading the newspaper to each other, suggests Earnshaw. “For the tech activities you don't want to eliminate, it’s about figuring out how to create combined focus, so you’re not just allowing distance to creep into your relationship.”
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.wellandgood.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Well+Good</a></b>Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-65847259940856610182022-12-23T15:34:00.002-05:002022-12-23T15:34:54.588-05:00What Is "Phubbing," And Does It Hurting Your Relationship?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Is 'Phubbing' Harming Your Relationship?" border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgExVJGabZXLIlokIyGvM-DIq3fjIZ0NHlm-_rT_amgDvtjNDob8zNEQU1XstJuy6XHkWWQ104cwn7OLuvkWvNKB6dpKQgTmLN_GrDYqbi7UqiElNIkb8sd5Adg7SMqtpo6KFA07-5F8R2-CekMkyDzGHFJ_kN7ewAM8UEkqNYAEvd4PupjgL9iCjfh/s16000/phubbing.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Glam</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Amanda Chatel</b>, Glam
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Although technology has made our lives better — can you imagine a world without no FaceTime at all? It has also created distance despite all the connectedness it provides. People no longer go to libraries because they can look up things online or even read a whole book on Google on their device. Do you remember the last time you made a reservation on your phone that involved talking to an actual human? Probably not — there are websites and texting for that. What was once meant to make things easier has since created barriers. For example, engagement with those around us tends to go down in favor of doomscrolling for hours or even just blankly staring at our phone because it's there.
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"Most people don't pick up their phones and say, 'Because you're talking, I'm just going to go on my phone,'" certified sex therapist Shamyra Howard tells USA Today. "People are really connected to their cell nowadays, and we inadvertently and mindlessly scroll through it without even realizing it, which can be annoying to those around us."
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While it may seem innocent enough, especially if one person is already on the phone, perhaps sending an important email, it shouldn't be that difficult to wait a couple seconds for someone to resume the conversation that was being had. But in this culture of now, now, now, it appears to be too tricky to wait, so the phubbing begins.
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/04/6-habits-that-increase-your-odds-of-divorce.html">6 Habits That Increase Your Odds Of Divorce, From A Marriage Therapist</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
<h3>What Is Phubbing?</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Is 'Phubbing' Harming Your Relationship?" border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSbhnJK16whKi21DsB_kVbg9zqJydDDx1mYkAsTQmooHJcFiN1WYARB4Mbmg3iZ1uhSZH4vGkDQzVteDfOov1nsVa-3cIA386IPhTC4kfZgl4xsi6eBNy2XMeFLNT9HE4NisYSZXR1LRpB9mLByhLlGEbmIRsKRqLWLvJ1b0eQs0-pWm3QXVb2x7kC/s16000/hurting-your-relationship.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Phubbing" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Glam</td></tr></tbody></table>
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What do you get when you combine the words "phone" and "snubbing?" Phubbing. Cute, no? Apparently, the word first made its way into vocabularies in 2012 when an Australian ad agency launched a "Stop Phubbing" campaign in the hopes of making people not only aware of the fact that they're phubbers but that phubbing wasn't doing their relationships — romantic or platonic — any favors either.
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Research published in Science Direct found that phubbing behavior is often linked to a lack of self-control, fear of missing out (FOMO), and basic addiction to the phone or Internet as a whole. The same study found that 32% of those with a phone engaged in phubbing two to three times a day, and 17% phubbed a minimum of four times a day. White people are far more likely to phub than any other ethnicity, and those with a higher education tend to phub less.
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But while these numbers are certainly eye-opening, the real question is whether or not phubbing can damage your relationship and, if so, how badly?
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<h3>Is Phubbing Hurting Your Relationship?</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Is 'Phubbing' Harming Your Relationship?" border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFB-NcLLSXo8ELbA4cGb1qeQjiQpLzLCewsHrNWFeyV07-3zcXSP2BQy8YukPicnNmsfA8gC7QIc7CI_zAiiBHXRStWN979lVtntO3YrW8sDcsTLaJpvp3VoslEhxEqlZrRD8t1dU153PVMqy2SIGveTDJoEqP4eTPKzvVHAnb2AiPyWglWcpNnOLD/s16000/phubbing-is-it-hurting-your.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Phubbing Hurting Your Relationship" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Glam</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Not only does phubbing create an emotional disconnect, which is evident as the phone is clearly creating a wall between partners, but it can affect mental health too. A study by researchers at Baylor's University found that 46.3% of participants reported being phubbed by their partner, 22.6% cited phubbing as the cause of relationship conflict, and 36.6% experienced feelings of depression because of their partner's incessant phubbing.
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"Phubbed people feel excluded, unimportant, and ostracized, as sustained exclusion can lead to individuals questioning their self-esteem and sense of belonging, ultimately messing with their mental state," clinical sexologist Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., tells WeddingWire.
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Because we all have different love languages, phubbing can be even more detrimental to those who experience and express love through quality time — there's no such thing as quality time when there's a phone involved. So, while your partner may not be actively trying to hurt you or the relationship, research has proven that it still does. The first way to tackle the phubbing issue is to point out to your partner their phubbing ways. If they can't see it, then you may need to call in backup, like friends and family who have either witnessed it happening or have been on the receiving end of it too. Hopefully, a little phubbing intervention will help your partner become aware of their behavior, even if they're not ready to put down their phone just yet.
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/11/top-8-minor-but-toxic-things-to-stop-saying-to-your-partner.html">Top 8 "Minor But Toxic" Things to Stop Saying to Your Partner</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
See more at <b><a href="https://www.glam.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Glam</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-84720723478699446092022-12-16T14:18:00.004-05:002022-12-16T14:18:45.276-05:00The 10 Best Ways To Build A Deeper, More Meaningful Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="The 10 Best Ways To Build A Deeper, More Meaningful Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3QgFHBxiyUjg0_pxq0x-gAO51usigQbSMmr-C1GYVeRX450ZoaMQCON2z3Elh3_4llBimzs1eeWPXxQRw2JRNPQplyDF_2yjtrLLEh80FsjMnP4NSlg41e6q5oKIBR-8qMDwDcVHYMop68BAljuz0I047Qisym6ELq5Ye642ntw1DhoDz58MxWu-b/s16000/deepen-your-relationship.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Fatherly</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Matt Christensen</b>, Fatherly
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There are more levels to every relationship. Despite how much you think you know about your partner, there’s always more to be discovered. And if you want to deepen your relationship and strengthen your already-strong bond, well, you have to, well, try to deepen your relationship. It’s the trying — the focusing on the little things, the willingness to be vulnerable and offer more of yourself in exchange of more from them — that make it possible.
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So what helps deepen a connection? Below, according to a variety of relationship therapists, are ten suggestions. You might notice a common thread woven throughout all of these suggestions - communication (surprise, surprise). Here’s what to remember.
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/psychological-tricks-deepen-relationship.html">5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
<h3>1. Actively Show Appreciation.</h3>
Whether it’s a note in your partner’s lunch, or a random text to say thanks for being such a kid’s bedtime savior last night, what you might think of as a fleeting gesture can build genuine closeness. The key with appreciation is to be specific in what you mention. “It can really be as simple as telling your partner how much you appreciate something they did for you, or something more complex like expressing gratitude for their support and presence in your life,” explains Dr. Callisto Adams. “Expressing appreciation and gratitude can help build positive emotions and foster a sense of connection. It can also help to improve communication and understanding, and can make your partner feel valued and appreciated.”
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<h3>2. Lean Ito Conflict</h3>
Obviously, you don’t want to go around picking fights. But in all relationships, good or bad, conflict is inevitable. So, roll with it. “Many couples are terrified of conflict and see it as a sign of poor relationship health,” says couples therapist Sandra Harewood. “But healthy conflict can be a force for good, deepening the bond between a couple as it is a sign of growth, change, and transformation.” Conflict can present couples with the opportunity to explore communication and deepen trust which, according to Harewood, allows both partners to develop confidence in themselves and the relationship as a whole. “Accommodate your feelings and experiences by learning to argue well, and you’ll be less likely to be knocked off balance when things go wrong,” she says.
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<h3>3. Increase Your “Bids For Connection”</h3>
‘Bids for connection,’ which are based on the research of Dr. John Gottman, refer to reaches for acknowledgement, reassurance, or validation within a relationship. And couples who “turn towards” a bid more often than not are happier and closer for it. “A bid could be a touch of the shoulder while passing in the hallway or a comment like, ‘Wow, look at that goat!’ while driving by a farm,” says therapist Erin Dierickx. “The more often they are offered and received, the more trust, satisfaction, and connection you will experience in your relationship.”
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<h3>4. Have Check-Ins</h3>
More than just a passing “How was your day?” tossed off from the other room, a true check-in with your partner involves distraction-free conversation with the intent to listen. Sit down and have a five-minute check-in each night. Talk about your day, and highlight anything you’d like to talk more about when you have more time. Once a month, Wolfe also suggests a deeper check-in over dinner or coffee. “Try to have this check-in at the same time each month to establish a routine, and plan to discuss how each of you feels about how things are going in the relationship,” says Trisha Wolfe, LPCC. “Is there tension? Are you making progress toward shared goals? What can be improved on for next month?” The goal with check-ins — brief or length — is to stay on top of your relationship so issues don’t fester for weeks, months, or even years.
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<h3>5. Stay Curious</h3>
Not in the sense of snooping around your partner’s unlocked phone or bathroom drawer, but through constant self-reminders that you definitely don’t know everything about them and want to learn more. “Curiosity is the secret sauce in a relationship,” says Harewood. “I’ve seen many couples get caught in the trap of thinking they know all they need to know about their partner, or that they’ve heard it all before. But, things are always changing, both for the individual and the relationship.” Staying curious and asking questions will prop the door for intimacy wide open.
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/11-signs-your-relationship-is-getting-healthier.html">11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
<h3>6. Talk About Sex</h3>
Couples who communicate about sex have better sex. And couples who have better sex build deeper connections. “Talking openly and directly about sex normalizes these types of conversations,” says Dierick. If this isn’t something you do regularly, start by clarifying why you’d like to talk about sex. Set parameters and clarify your needs by saying something like, ‘It makes me nervous to talk about this, but I really want to better understand what you like in bed. As you explore the conversation, you can bond through understanding your partner and expressing wants and needs. And if you need a push, Dierickx suggests using the Gottman Card Deck app or something similar to facilitate the conversation.
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<h3>7. Learn A New Hobby Together</h3>
Painting. Rock climbing. Bread making. There are hundreds of creative, healthy, exciting hobbies that are better with two people, and bound to create new experiences in your relationship. “When you undertake a new hobby with your partner, you're sharing an activity that you both enjoy and are both working hard to excel at,” says therapist Kym Tolson. “This gives you a common ground upon which to build conversations, share memories, and do something enjoyable with the person you love.”
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<h3>8. Practice Active Listening</h3>
All successful relationships share a vital ingredient: empathy. “You have to be present and engaged in conversations in order to understand your partner’s perspective and emotions,” says Dr. Adams. “Don’t multitask, or become distracted. Actively listen to your partner so you can communicate effectively to build that deeper connection.” By letting your partner feel seen and heard they’ll also feel understood, and the two of you will be in a better position to discuss issues as partners who trust each other.
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<h3>9. Set Boundaries</h3>
Seems backwards, right? If you’re trying to strengthen a bond, why would you close someone out of a part of your life? Well, according to Harewood, sharing and being vulnerable about boundaries is an exercise in intimacy. “Boundaries deepen intimacy,” she says. “Setting them means we must tell someone what we like, what we don’t like, what’s okay, and what’s not. To set and maintain boundaries, we have to reveal something of ourselves. It’s really the ultimate act of allowing someone to see and know who you are.”
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<h3>10. Aim For 12 Hugs Each Day.</h3>
It’s not just an arbitrary number. According to the research of psychologist and family therapist Virginia Satir, a dozen hugs each day is magic because six seconds of hugging can release oxytocin — the feel-good hormone. “Satir said that four daily hugs is enough for survival, and eight is enough for maintenance,” explains Wolfe. “But 12 hugs each day will contribute to genuine growth between you and your partner. It’s a fun challenge, too, and all of that practice will invariably deepen your bond with each other.”
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="http://love.dearjulius.com/2022/11/cobwebbing-can-improve-all-your-relationships.html">Cobwebbing Can Improve All Your Relationships</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
See more at <b><a href="https://www.fatherly.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fatherly</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-71961393285543203552022-11-28T01:09:00.000-05:002022-11-28T01:09:01.609-05:00Top 8 "Minor But Toxic" Things to Stop Saying to Your Partner<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Top 8 "Minor But Toxic" Things to Stop Saying to Your Partner" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtmxSliS-eYyax73ifT-4BzHhKbU-CndVToTY2zTaezUeNZ67OMz9_HZrR23OQEofRdz-yzuwXPgl6cQxgEiWyBjZ9gKIzPtsySHJOamEqV58HSU1kUzqbEEpXjC_kkg5oKa8fi9V9l37JuH6zQUwzl3-hVhkcNu5EYYFmVR-vZn2JBbKbarF63BAL/s16000/Things-to-Stop-Saying-to-Yo.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Juliana LaBianca</b>, Best Life
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When it comes to relationships, the little things are the big things. Sure, it matters that the two of you align on major life goals and that you shower them with gifts on their birthday. But more important is the way you interact with them on a daily basis. Some phrases make your partner feel loved and cared for, while others make them feel neglected, rejected, and dismissed. Here, therapists tell us those negative—and sometimes toxic—phrases that drive a wedge between you and your partner. Read on for ways to rephrase for a more productive discussion.
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<h3>"Give me an example."</h3>
If you and your partner are working through an issue and you ask them to "give you an example" of a time you behaved a certain way, you're essentially challenging them to prove that their statement is valid, explains Lauren Consul, licensed marriage and family therapist, in a TikTok video. However, there is a way this question can be productive.
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-in-a-healthy-way.html">How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way</a></b></i><br /> <br />
"If it's coming from a place of genuine curiosity, of trying to learn from it and grow from it, then that's actually really helpful," says Consul. "There's a toxic approach that puts our partner on the defensive and creates a disconnect, and an approach from genuine curiosity and understanding which helps us grow."
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<h3>"I hear you, but…"</h3>
Consul notes that the "but" in this phrase can create a rift between you and your partner. Instead, explain your point of view more clearly.
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Consul suggests recasting this phrase to something like, "I hear how upset you are about this and I have a different perspective. Is it OK if I share that now?"
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<h3>"This again?"</h3>
Using the phrase "this again?" can cause your partner to become defensive or angry. Once that happens, your discussion is likely to go south.
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"This question shows that the person who said it does not want to engage in the conversation and doesn't think that it's worth discussing as it has been discussed previously," says Natasha Deen, LCPC, NCC, a therapist at Golden Hour Counseling. "This is invalidating to a partner who wants to discuss something that may be weighing on them. It can also put the person who is asking the question in a position of power over the other person because it can feel like their thoughts and feelings are more important."
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<h3>"I'm sorry you feel that way."</h3>
This phrase shifts the blame to your partner. "When you say, 'I'm sorry you feel that way' after saying something to upset them, you aren't actually apologizing or taking ownership for saying something hurtful," says Brianna Morgis, PhD, LMFT, assistant profession of counseling psychology at Delaware Valley University. "Instead, you're sending a subtle message that it's your partner's responsibility or 'fault' for feeling upset."
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Recast this phrase to something like "I'm sorry that I made you feel that way" or "I'm sorry that I said/did that and upset you," Morgis suggests.
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/10/attractive-people-get-cheated-on-too.html">Attractive People Get Cheated On, Too</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>"That's not something to be upset over."</h3>
This phrase discounts your partner's feelings. "Everyone will have their own reactions to specific issues, circumstances, and events and a response like this labels their emotional response as the 'wrong' one," says Ashley Weigl, LLMSW, MPH, a therapist who specializes in working with couples. "That can drive disconnection and make your partner feel alone in their distress."
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Instead, ask a question. "What about this is making you feel upset? Help me understand so that I can help," Weigl recommends.
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<h3>"My best friend's partner doesn't care about this."</h3>
Comparing your partner to your friends' partners is bound to end badly. Consul recommends rephrasing this as a question that puts your partner's feelings front and center. For example, "Can you help me understand what about this is so upsetting for you?"
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<h3>"Why can't you just let this go?"</h3>
Some issues take a while to resolve—and saying this phrase can halt your progress.
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"If we really want our partners to let something go, inviting a conversation in a genuine way can help. Something like 'I notice that this comes up for us often, and I want to understand why this issue feels so important to you. Can you share more and help me understand?'" suggests Weigl. "Then, listen genuinely, apologize sincerely if necessary, collaboratively work to solve the problem with your partner, and give it time." When the issue is fully resolved, it'll stop coming up.
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<h3>"If you would just calm down, everything would be fine."</h3>
Telling your partner to calm down can have the opposite effect. "When your partner hears this, they think 'I am too much for this person I love, and I can't share my true emotions with them,'" says Weigl. "The long-term effect is that your partner will retreat and withdraw, as they may become afraid of sharing deeper or more upsetting feelings with you."
<br /><br /><b>Read More:</b> <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/psychological-tricks-deepen-relationship.html">5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship</a></b></i><br /> <br />
Instead, tell them that you can see that they are upset and ask if there is anything you can do. "That will drive connection, make your partner feel less alone, and encourage future sharing since they know they can turn to you when they're feeling distressed," Weigl explains.
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See more at <b><a href="https://bestlifeonline.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Best Life</a></b>
Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-33796963555198273952022-11-15T14:51:00.002-05:002022-11-15T14:51:44.768-05:005 Surprising Facts about Kissing<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Surprising Facts about Kissing" border="0" data-original-height="523" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUrmUS83C2jW_k1llQVFObWEoQAjz4LC58VO1EqmLM_P4oLYOkqcu2Crjte2duH5Aq2g4oTr4xtPFsHObbPAGwFAGMA_I3ya9fMLtHKvMRrs5Lir8fosRDXVdxaZgN9-qTiGEN4yRW5_VPeXnijG80yLkMolbmwf3dDwbp4ILZRaL4St_EuQV38yR/s16000/Silhouette-of-a-couple-kiss.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by The Jerusalem Post</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Walla!</b>, The Jerusalem Post
<br /> <br />
Do not doubt the value of a kiss: On average, a person spends two weeks of his life kissing. Did you know that in one minute of kissing you can burn 5 calories?
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Well, it may be nothing compared to the number of calories we consume per day, but perhaps the following information will surprise you more: with each kiss we activate no less than 146 muscles. It's quite strange that all of these burn so few calories for us, isn't it?
<i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2017/03/17-frequently-asked-questions-about.html">17 Frequently Asked Questions About Kissing</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
There are about 20 types of kisses in the world, with the most well-known being the French kiss, also called a "tongue kiss", in which you insert your tongue into the other person's mouth.
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Although diseases such as colds, herpes, and others are transmitted through kissing - studies have shown that kisses are much healthier than people tend to think. The act of kissing releases a large number of white blood cells into our bloodstream to fight pollutants. During the kiss, hormones are also secreted whose role is to relieve pain.
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The most useful kiss for long-time couples is actually the "Swedish kiss", in which lips touch each other without tongue contact. In this kiss, as well as in French, most of the population tilts their head to the side (who are you people who kiss at a right angle?).<div>
<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Surprising Facts about Kissing" border="0" data-original-height="523" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYJ0OdBi6IgX0Hb-I22M6s4JGZZ1Yxx_n9HpJH7oOMm_mM0kOpF-NLnjO4XrFZiwqG1uwc-Cv_1Kh1m42YKOxS9mezLRXyHHijI5sBLn-uifcSMDOB4VZ9MrIZW9q8vuWGejqa1yDrpmcdJVKaBsYtj0oqVeCviL4Nnp-YeYD2xIEM61fB2VVpnkur/s16000/couple-kiss.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="kissing" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by The Jerusalem Post</td></tr></tbody></table><br />
In the category of "dry" kisses you will find the Eskimo kiss (rubbing noses together), the kiss in the air, the cheek kiss and "Sivafla" - the palm kiss. Kisses, of any kind, help relieve stress and negative energies, so we recommend you find someone to test out your newfound knowledge. <i><b><br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/11/when-20-strangers-kiss-for-first-time.html">When 20 Strangers Kiss for the First Time, the Unexpected Happens</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>
See more at <b><a href="https://www.jpost.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Jerusalem Post</a></b></div>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-64793978098456298402022-11-13T12:16:00.001-05:002022-11-13T12:16:15.150-05:00How I Discovered the Art of Seduction<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How I Discovered the Art of Seduction" border="0" data-original-height="786" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0PU16OKQB50zKlzft1090tMPCUsOUPIeMz57juaBoy7P6WgKNXYdP4D58ObggxW3AxxVeP1AZq8v99yVw9SuML3008B9A_pBoRbW_LLsCSHQ8RaAxqaq2J5i35e1LMtSalfXObGOBwTiHUbu4ldZvhsBzgItila240M1KFHEXWBp_58NDUrooSPZE/s16000/art-of-seduction.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by The New York Times</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Melissa Febos</b>, The New York Times
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“First, you have to get the gaze right,” I told her. “Not stalker-heavy, but enough so they notice.”
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“Like this?” She glowered at me, and I tried to stifle a laugh.
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“More like this,” I said, demonstrating.
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When I was a kid, my mother taught me how to soften my gaze when watching birds so they wouldn’t feel the weight of my attention. This kind of look is just the opposite — a concentrated gaze that lands like a finger, tapping, casting the line of desire until it catches and tugs.
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I looked at her, and something activated in me, responding to a set of clues telling me how she wants to be seen. “Look intently,” I told her, “but not for too long, just graze them with it.”
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“Whoa,” she said, “careful where you point that!” She looked at me in wonder, and I felt both proud and embarrassed. “Where did you learn to do that?”
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I think of myself as someone who has always known how to do this — an intuitive seducer — but my friend’s question invited me to reconsider the origins of the impulse.
<br /><i><b><br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2018/02/how-to-have-good-no-great-sex-after.html">How to Have Good — No, Great — Sex After Giving Birth</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>Where did I first learn it?
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There is, of course, the mere fact of my being a woman, which means I have been consuming lessons in seduction my whole life from movies and TV. But my friend is also a woman, and she can’t emit the smoldering atmosphere to reel someone in. Whereas I can do it on command, as if it were my job. As we watch our meals arrive I ponder this, and something clicks. For many years — sometimes implicitly and sometimes explicitly — seducing people was my job.
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Both my parents grew up working-class, sometimes working-poor, and I was raised with an ethos of scarcity — we wasted nothing, ate down to the rind of everything and tried not to buy anything on credit. Though my family was solidly middle-class, my classmates often assumed I was poor because I wore discount shoes and generic brand clothes all through grade school, until I switched to thrift stores as a teen.
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My parents weren’t cheap, exactly, but they didn’t locate status in commodities — my mother once told me that driving a luxury car was like giving the finger to all the poor people in the world — and they believed in work. The week I turned 14, the legal employment age in Massachusetts, my dad took me to city hall to get a work permit.
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That year, I started working as a dishwasher at a seafood restaurant. Dressed most days in a pair of faded overalls and Doc Martens, I would peer out at the front of the house and watch the wait staff — mostly 20-somethings who held the glamour of low-level celebrities to me.
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Tidy in their identical aprons and T-shirts bearing the restaurant logo, they all seemed kind of hot to me in an ineffable way that had little to do with their looks. The source of this attractiveness, I eventually realized, was the skill with which they deployed charisma.
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They were practiced seducers, flitting around the dining room, calibrating their affect to suit each diner. The ones with the tallest stacks of bills at the end of a shift cultivated a flirtation with their tables that hit exactly the right note to release money. As if every diner were a slot machine played less by chance than by skill.
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At 14, I already had a keen sense that I ought to appeal to people, men especially, but “succeeding” at this had mixed results. Early sexual development had left me vulnerable to early sexual experience — I didn’t really learn how to say no until adulthood — and mostly it had left me feeling powerless and numb. Using my drive to be liked in a context whose endpoint wasn’t sex, and which promised material reward for success, seemed a much safer forum. The idea felt empowering, even, as it gave me control over the encounter.
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<b>My first job</b> waiting tables was at Café Algiers, a landmark Middle Eastern restaurant in Harvard Square in Cambridge that catered to professors and graduate students. I was 17 and happily living in a squalid apartment with four friends in Somerville. Amid the wobbly octagonal tables, I balanced silver pots of mint tea and plates of hummus and practiced my approach.
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I learned that if my gaze was too intense, the men (and occasionally women) asked sotto voce what time my shift ended; if it was too subtle, they ignored me and left disappointing tips.
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The trick was to kindle the right feeling in myself — I have something they want and I want to give it to them, but not yet — to render the plates of food a symbol for something else, to exude an air of slight withholding. I learned what all good salespeople understand: If you suggest that a person wants something with enough confidence, there’s a good chance they’ll believe you.
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Every shift was an exercise in the art of seduction, and each one ended with a tally of tips that amounted to a kind of grade — numeric feedback on the degree of my success.
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I honed my skills quickly. After just a few weeks, I could balance five entrees on one tray, instantly calculate a bill in my head, and just as instantly read the customers. I could tell if a diner wanted me to tease them, treat them with mild disgust (rare, but they did exist) or welcome them like a long-lost family member. My scatterbrained nature, which made me clumsy in my everyday life, was focused by the stream of social cues. I intuitively understood the rhythm of it, like a dancer catching a beat. When I was working, I didn’t think and I didn’t make errors — which was good, because my livelihood depended on it: In 1996, the minimum wage for tipped employees was $2.13 per hour.
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My second job as a server was at the Greenhouse, another storied Cambridge institution. The overpriced diner had an iconic green sign and a dining room that was perpetually fogged with cigarette smoke. The female professors generally tipped big and wanted a dry little flirt, sprinkled with irony, as if we were in on the same joke. The blue-collar guys who ate at the counter liked to trade endearments, to be teased a little. A natural mimic, I sometimes dropped my Rs when talking with them. You want that on mahble rye?
<br /> <br /><i><b>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/08/7-sex-myths-you-really-need-to-stop.html">7 Sex Myths You Really Need to Stop Believing</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i><b>After the Greenhouse</b>, there were eight or 10 more restaurant jobs — the Jewish deli where families came for brunch, the bakery frequented by moneyed lesbians, the Mexican restaurant that hosted a lot of tourists and bachelorette parties. Whatever their differences, every restaurant was a microcosm of larger social hierarchies. I once worked a brunch shift in Belmont with a guy I was dating. He often got high before work and was terrible at his job. He never thought about what the customer wanted, never read their faces for subtle cues, never seduced anyone. He didn’t have to. He could get orders wrong, mix up tables, spill water on a customer, and still end the shift with a tall stack of tips. Meanwhile, my earnings dropped if I smiled too little or too much.
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I came to learn that this was a rule in restaurants: No matter the quality of their service, male waiters got bigger tips. They also rarely had to put up with the kind of abuse that we did.
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I remember one table I had during my stint at the Mexican restaurant. It was a big family, replete with a preening patriarch who emanated insecurity that he expressed by treating every woman in sight like garbage. I smiled through it, even when he patted my ass in full view of his wife, who then glared at me.
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A knot of shame and fury tightened in me. I ignored it and imagined the tip this kind of treatment inevitably led to — a ten, maybe a twenty, even. I smiled at that vision and then directed it at the table. But in this instance, after they’d left as I cleared their oily dishes, I realized the man had stiffed me. I seethed for days. It stoked a fire in me that felt elemental. More than 20 years later, I can feel its heat. It wasn’t so much the money as the humiliation
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Over time, exposure inured me to the humiliations of the job. A person can get used to almost anything given enough time — personality will grow around adversity the way tree roots will grow around a rock, shaping itself in response to the immovable.
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Plus, I needed the money. I was a teenager for most of the years I worked in restaurants. I didn’t have a degree, or even a high school diploma (unless you count the G.E.D.). Even though I was occasionally stiffed, it was the highest-paying job I was qualified for, by a long shot.
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The humiliations inherent in waiting tables were also made tolerable also by the satisfaction of being good at my job. While I held less power than the diners in many ways — I was there to literally serve them — I also had a subtle control over them, one they couldn’t see and which grew stronger the longer I exercised it. I worked them, like a salesperson or a petty con artist, and they were my chumps, my suckers, my johns.
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A skilled seducer can invert a power dynamic to their advantage. The knowledge of how to do this was, I realized, a valuable skill and one I later employed to much more lucrative ends.
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<b>When I moved</b> to New York in 1999, it was harder to get restaurant work. Upscale Manhattan places wanted a résumé, and my experience was decidedly downscale. I worked for a few months at a diner in the West Village, serving eggs and fetching jam and ketchup, but not long after that I got into sex work, which paid a lot better.
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As a professional dominatrix, I applied all the skills I’d hewed waiting tables — reading people, intuiting their desires, performing interest and indifference. And the beauty of it was that the subtext became text. Before I worked with any client, we had a consultation in which he told me exactly what he wanted, and I agreed to it or didn’t. Of course, my demeanor in these meetings was calibrated according to my instinct for what the clients wanted. (They wanted to be treated with disgust far more frequently than restaurant diners had, which I enjoyed.)
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During the sessions themselves, I relied upon my honed instinct for timing and intensity — even when they had a script, there was still a lot to improvise. The work was primarily that of seduction: the assessment of desire and how to draw it out, grow it, leave it wanting a little. The main difference — and it was not small — is that I was paid well no matter how the session went.
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During my second year of grad school, I started adjunct teaching, which paid worse than either sex work or waiting tables. Some semesters, I taught six classes at three different schools, for which I traveled across four boroughs. I got used to writing on commuter trains and slowly built a very different wardrobe than that I had needed for any previous job.
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Teaching was also a performance, but like sex work, I got paid whether it was good or not. Mostly I performed well, and not having to flirt with anyone to do so was a revelation, however meager the pay.The principal difference between teaching and my previous jobs was that in the classroom the role I played was not predicated on a lie. I acted a persona derived from true parts of me, perhaps the truest parts of me.
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A good teacher seduces, but not with the aim of bedding students. A good teacher deploys their charisma with the goal of making the audience fall in love with the subject they teach. My goal was never to extract money, or even esteem, from my students but instead to infect them with the love I felt for the writers I taught. After teaching I was tired, but not drained the way I used to be after a restaurant shift, with my spirit as spent as my body. I arrived home from class electrified by my own love for the books I taught and for the craft of making art out of life.
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<b>After I finished</b> grad school and before I sold my first book, I went back to food service. I got a job at a small restaurant that was named after a spice in my rapidly gentrifying Brooklyn neighborhood. It was a much nicer joint than any I had worked in before. There were candles on the tables and a new menu was printed every night.
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It had been a few years, and as I dug out my waist aprons for my first shift, I thrilled a little at the prospect of returning to the familiar rhythm of service.
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An hour or so in, however, my confidence began to waver. I still knew how to do the job, but a woodenness came over me when it was time to smile and wink and mold myself around the unspoken desires of strangers. Over the evening’s course, my body’s unwillingness to comply dismayed me. What was wrong? Had I lost my touch?
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At the end of the night, I made a small error, and the chef shouted at me from behind the line: “What are you, stupid?”
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Chefs had shouted many worse things at me in the past; verbal abuse from chefs was a given in many restaurants and rated a pretty minor offense overall. But I was no longer used to it.
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I had just spent two years at the front of college classrooms in which, however underpaid, I was never called stupid. I was treated with respect, even deference. I had ascended to a different realm of employment where, while the option was still available to me, I didn’t need to use my sexuality to make money. Nor was I required to suffer these kinds of overt humiliations.When I cashed out, I was left with more than I had ever reaped from a single shift waiting tables. I zipped the wad of bills into my coat pocket and told the house manager that I wouldn’t be back the following night, or any thereafter. I never worked the floor of a restaurant again.
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Sometimes I miss it, but I am always grateful I had the privilege to quit that life.
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Now I teach full time, and when I walk into a classroom on the first day of the semester, I scan the room of faces and feel their expectations swell like waves toward me.
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There is a thrilling power in holding someone’s attention, in intuiting their interests and igniting their curiosity — all seducers know it. I first learned that feeling not in the dungeon, but in the dining rooms of restaurants, the clatter of dishes wafting with the smell of garlic from the kitchen, clashing with the low music of the front of the house.
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It’s impossible to fully account for the ways that education influenced not only my relationship to work, but to every person I encounter. Spending years thinking of people as slot machines to win by extracting their favor, knowing the security of my life depended on it, did not set me up for healthy relationships.
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I’ve outgrown a lot of skills that once served my survival, and learned that holding on to them does its own damage. There is grace in letting go of what no longer serves me or those whose paths I cross. I’m grateful, also, for the occasional opportunity to repurpose them. I like to think my years of seduction have made me a more empathic teacher, that the skill of eliciting desire has become one for sharing love.
<br /> <br /><i><b>Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2015/08/what-your-sex-dreams-really-mean.html">What Your Sex Dreams Really Mean</a></b></i><br /> <br /></b></i>See more at <b><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The New York Times</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-67596531229858675222022-11-09T13:33:00.000-05:002022-11-09T13:33:44.471-05:00Cobwebbing Can Improve All Your Relationships<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Cobwebbing Can Improve All Your Relationships" border="0" data-original-height="576" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNdx4cvG6LeuP5mS_bZcguo6-8aHs0i2wOnNiaM0CtA1Q9UQyjX-P1_WCeJsQTYndC24H_ayJqTWYgWkjnX6p4prfZ8TEULk4uYuKplReq6eTrecZLqz5dc7eDIPbqFw7d4wWH8A3vaUfM9GweGMTumHEUdO23t-8qJnqwsqPak6BUB_okY2icPHKj/s16000/cobwebbing.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by BRIT+CO</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Chloe Williams</b>, BRIT+CO
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We've retired our Halloween costumes and started setting out the Thanksgiving decor, so you might be wondering: What is cobwebbing and why didn't we leave it in October? This term, coined by Bumble, refers to getting rid of anything in your life connected to an old relationship that is weighing you down — we're talking everything from tees to pictures to text messages. While the term started out in a romantic context, clearing out the metaphysical cobwebs from your relationship patterns is a trend that can give you a fresh start in every area of your life.
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<h3>What Is Cobwebbing?</h3>
Cobwebbing is the act of removing anything that reminds you of an old relationship, similar to the way you would clear out cobwebs in your home. Getting rid of items that remind you of the past relationship will help you be more present and move towards your future with a clean slate.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/eight-dating-red-flags-to-be-aware-of.html">Eight Dating Red Flags to Be Aware Of</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Cobwebbing Your Dating Life</h3>
This original context for cobwebbing revolves around clearing out old clutter, physically and emotionally, that a previous partner left behind. Whether you're beginning a new relationship or you just need clarity to get back in the dating game, this will help you declutter your mental and emotional space, and also physically clear out your home at the same time.
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You can start by collecting anything that belongs to your ex and boxing it up. You might want to keep some items if you use them often use and they don't affect you emotionally, but you can also totally clear everything out. Whether you want to donate the items or give the box back your ex depends on how you're feeling and how long you've been apart.
<br /> <br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Cobwebbing Can Improve All Your Relationships" border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEVCySb-w66AIOJGhkt5-6IRoDwBqk_tfNjORPAOfMxdEM1WMAlKE6AZaxX-5hGrSOE04d-aEwJ0pmQSTuIzCud7oSWJ6VfCM4b7aEHM2jafh_SjR4-RiMwCb3mlU0RA-LYKqAJG70kxiuYGPVQgcoJ_3sdhn0nfT5X0BaC7LYqyttIWBEoJvw6YsX/s16000/woman-packing-up-a-box.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Cobwebbing Your Dating Life" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by BRIT+CO</td></tr></tbody></table>
<h3>Start Your Cobwebbing Journey Here:</h3><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>
Tee shirts</li><li>
Sweatshirts</li><li>
Gifts</li><li>
Photos</li><li>
Notes
</li></ul> <br />
Another thing you can do after you've physically cleared out their items is delete their texts. We know how easy it is to just open your phone at any time and pour over something they said, but it's not good for your mental health *and* it's just wasting your time. Feel free to also unfollow them on Insta if you need to.
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<h3>Cobwebbing Your Platonic Relationships</h3>
Cobwebbing isn't just for your romantic relationships — it can be applied to your platonic ones as well. There are two types of cobwebbing you can do in this area of your life. The first is acknowledging that there might be some old friendships or other relationships that no longer serve you, and that's okay. Check out our tips for how to know when to end a friendship if you need a place to start.
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The second way you can do this is giving the close relationships you have some TLC. Whether you need to offer forgiveness (or ask for it), or you need to let go of a grudge, clearing the air with a good friend will only make your relationship stronger and your communication skills better.
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<h3> Cobwebbing Your Personal Life</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Cobwebbing Can Improve All Your Relationships" border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRPopPWb7-rxWg5C78wv_EYM0lOaL6Fsvk7kaWctT8kCRhxcE-tS6hPkAm_cwktBWvNiTKsq1CiS_2MGsjAGTMJkRy0ZxIZ3ArqaMWvYXjcMiRlZRaf6KFfDkdcc4l6HyNT-XNPe4P2tWv1DGfH8dN5-JzV7BfBa_YSOkpOfoZiSi8NS0pMKgSdhlZ/s16000/woman-in-a-suit.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Cobwebbing Your Personal Life" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by BRIT+CO</td></tr></tbody></table><br />
You might think cobwebbing is something for your external relationships, but it's just as important to get a fresh start in your own mind and with your own personal self-reflection. Are there situations or choices you haven't forgiven yourself for? Are you holding onto old habits that you've grown out of? Figuring out how to show yourself love will allow you to grow in both your emotional and mental health.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/11-signs-your-relationship-is-getting-healthier.html">11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist</a></b></i><br /> <br />
See more at <b><a href="https://brit.co/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BRIT+CO</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-72604115284630680312022-10-15T14:50:00.003-04:002022-10-16T14:03:57.893-04:00Attractive People Get Cheated On, Too<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Attractive People Get Cheated On, Too" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidOSykCBlaZsw7Tw7Jy7-kW__uxZIQvCBfie6eeG9uoeHV8dGRAxyCwMdkAS785seG6p3SgzxWRof03eGnWG5U5llDa9PGlW2WMLwKUv_dizlTJdJJfmm7ipfsFYsw4bBF7IBj9LSEMCTg_fmt9pzFOptkyUMY_JbkVCxxeCMAWecl6FViU8EwYLsF/s16000/behati-adam.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by PopSugar</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Taylor Andrews</b>, PopSugar
<br /> <br />
When the world found out that Adam Levine allegedly cheated on his wife, Behati Prinsloo, the internet exploded with confusion. One Twitter user Tweeted: "Adam Levine was dating a VS MODEL BRO. AND HE CHEATED ON HER." Another said, "BEHATI WAS DOING CHARITY WORK MARRING ADAM LEVINE."
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Many people couldn't understand how or why this would ever happen — especially to someone who is literally paid for looking the way they do. But this isn't the only example of a "hot girl" being cheated on. It's honestly pretty common. Think about Shakira, Emily Ratajowski, and Beyoncé — all "hot girls" who were allegedly cheated on by their partners. Again, many people couldn't understand how these women could ever be cheated on — not just because of their attractiveness but also because of their success and the pedestal we, as a culture, have put them on.
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But this situation also isn't exclusive to celebs. (Raise your hand if you've ever been cheated on and the first thing people tell you is some sort of iteration of, "You're too hot for them, anyway!")
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/03/20-surprising-things-that-can-cause-someone-to-cheat.html">20 Surprising Things That Can Cause Someone to Cheat</a></b></i><br /> <br />
So the question of the hour is: how can a person — and men, especially — cheat on someone we consider to be of top-tier attractiveness? And why do we find it so shocking and discomforting when that happens?<br />
<br /><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">“Adam Levine was dating a VS MODEL BRO. AND HE CHEATED ON HER. And THEN. tried to name his baby after the girl he cheated with. This is why we agree that men are trash. End of story” <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AdamLevine?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#AdamLevine</a> <a href="https://t.co/db6uFbjZeQ">pic.twitter.com/db6uFbjZeQ</a></p>— manicpixielol (@manicpixielol) <a href="https://twitter.com/manicpixielol/status/1572029242757496833?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> <br /><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">BEHATI WAS DOING CHARITY WORK MARRING ADAM LEVINE <a href="https://t.co/VKkWgAh3x2">pic.twitter.com/VKkWgAh3x2</a></p>— yuli (@_yuli5) <a href="https://twitter.com/_yuli5/status/1571950120425619456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> <br /><br />
Really, the reason people cheat often has less to do with the other partner and a lot more to do with the cheater's unresolved emotional issues, relationship expert Nicole Moore tells POPSUGAR. For example, someone may fear that if they make themselves "fully vulnerable" to their partner by truly committing and handing their heart over, their partner will use that control to hurt them in some way, Moore explains. "Without the space to properly face and handle these deep intimacy fears, many men often resort to protection mechanisms to distance themselves from the relationship, such as cheating."
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In other cases, someone may cheat because they simply don't know how to communicate what their needs are and which of those aren't being met, Moore says, and "instead of going deeper in intimacy with [their] partner and finding a way to come closer via communication, [they attempt] to feel better through someone else."<div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Attractive People Get Cheated On, Too" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8rKD3Z9y1H60qS_RVrODQl5hKP_88vuKTyUweF7E5Sm1asiTnVglpzrRyaao3P8Pow9S7YxA_iCVJxDWAtJCSFEBQw4PLq1SIequvLFw5viaeI11igd9PU2wNPhMM8-VR1gTX0UNH3CDeXGNqUykT2xYqNlW0XvlALWW_EJlX1QjDawUitJjQ6mjQ/s16000/behati-adam.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Adam Levine Behati Prinsloo" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by PopSugar</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>
And if you really want to dig into the way perceived attractiveness affects the situation? Well, if someone is dating someone they feel is "out of their league," it could be because they "don't feel good enough about themselves [and] will sabotage a good relationship because they don't feel that they're worth it," licensed counselor Jason Fierstein explains to POPSUGAR. In other words, they're likely insecure.
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In the end, Moore says cheating is never about the attractiveness of either person involved. "If a partner has cheating tendencies, their behavior has nothing to do with the attractiveness of their partner and everything to do with their own wounding within," she says. (Thanks to toxic masculinity and the way gender norms play out in our culture, many men don't feel comfortable or have the ability to express vulnerability or their emotions in the first place.)
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That said, it's problematic to assume someone would or wouldn't get cheated on based on their appearance alone, Moore says. (Yes, this even includes Victoria's Secret models.) While "attractiveness does attract people initially, it's not enough to stave off someone else's desire to cheat." It also plays into the idea that a more attractive person is less deserving of being cheated on and vice versa. Thinking this way perpetuates a harmful narrative that you are only capable of finding real, genuine love if you look the way societal norms want you to — and that's just not the truth.
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So when this kind of thing happens to a celebrity or to someone "hot" we know IRL, there's a reason we're so surprised: "Since we're bombarded with advertising, cultural, and media messages that tell us the secret to landing a mate is to be more attractive, we're collectively shocked when an attractive woman gets cheated on," Moore says. "We feel like attractiveness should be enough to keep a mate because we've been told that it is [enough] practically since birth."
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This is why a lot of people may be confused that someone like Levine was able to (allegedly) cheat on someone like Prinsloo.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/03/lifestyle-buzz-this-is-the-number-one-reason-why-men-cheat.html">This Is the Number One Reason Why Men Cheat</a></b></i><br /> <br />
It's impossible to know what's going on in a relationship from the outside, so we really can't judge the situation from attractiveness alone (or anything else for that matter). But as far as Prinsloo goes, she will be loved — with or without Levine.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.popsugar.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PopSugar</a></b></div></div>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-90938275918097341932022-10-09T03:52:00.003-04:002022-10-09T03:52:19.111-04:00It’s Possible To Learn How To Get Better at Dating, and These 8 Expert Tips Can Help<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="It’s Possible To Learn How To Get Better at Dating, and These 8 Expert Tips Can Help" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibiG5js2jBTJPhbLLqLoBXM3I_pyx_4xoAMjMJsaCC5LjunyaL01Wlg3S6PAR5C5753G6LnsKpDFGM2rVRPx95f5Yjd2pMl2bAMeK7Lt3FLqrGnKg4GHSRXHJ0InqVjPAkKUm4vI-PAeipu0hqv8Uo-TgdZkIhB65lt_t-9SfN8dnPK-_Vhu1sf3n2/s16000/Dating.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by Well+Good</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Gabrielle Kassel</b>, Well+Good
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“If you are mindless, manipulative, and bad at communicating, you are bad at dating,” says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, associate professor of human communication studies at California State University, Fullerton, and sex and relationship expert. “Meanwhile, if you’re mindful, communicative, and authentic, you’re pretty good at dating,” she says.
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But how do you bring your most communicative, authentic self to the dating game? Ahead, find the top expert-backed tips for doing just that. Get ready to be a top-tier dater in no time.
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<h3>1. Figure out what you want</h3>
There are any number of reasons someone might be dating, and only one of those reasons is to meet someone to marry. These reasons include exploring their sexual orientation, finding a secondary or tertiary partner, and meeting people in a new city, to name just a few. “It's so important to be honest with yourself about what you want, because otherwise you won’t get what you actually want,” says mental health professional and relationship expert Jor-El Caraballo.
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To distill your answer, simply ask yourself, "What do I want?" Your answer to this question will guide how you approach dating, including what apps you download (if any), what you put in your bio (if applicable), and how you respond when a potential partner asks you what you’re looking for.
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<h3>2. Get realistic</h3>
Beyond figuring out what you want to gain from dating, you need to ascertain how much effort you’re willing to put into it, says Caraballo. After all, wanting to date and actually prioritizing doing it mindfully are not the same thing.
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So, consider whether there's anything in your life you're willing to give up in order to dedicate more time and energy to dating. For example, are you going to exercise one day a week less? Will you spend less time on TikTok? There are only so many hours in the day, Caraballo says, so unless you figure out what you’re going to cut back on, you’ll have a tricky time adding in dates.
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As for how much you’ll need to cut back elsewhere in order to date? Ultimately, it's subjective, depending on the current demands on your schedule and the magnitude of your dating, sex, intimacy, and relationship goals. “You should put in as much time as you reasonably can to ensure that your dating life is helping you hit your marks,” says Caraballo. “Those looking for more stable or permanent connections would do well to invest more time into finding their right fit,” he says.
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Of course, simply dedicating more time to dating won't guarantee that you meet your dating goal (and, in fact, you might meet that goal without any extra time dedicated), but as with anything else in life, directing effort to an intention is a helpful means for achieving goals.
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<h3>3. Listen more</h3>
People are often more worried about being interesting than they are interested, says Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn. The consequence of this is that in order to be interesting, you might not be listening well. This can lead to one person leaving a date feeling like they could write the other’s biography, while the other leaves without any information that would actually help them decide if they want to see someone for another two hours.
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A little self-reflection will help you understand which of the two categories you’re more likely to fall into.
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<h3>4. Do activities that you actually like</h3>
“Doing things on dates that you actually enjoy will make it easier not to get weighed down from dates that aren’t exciting or joyous,” says Caraballo. So while dinner and a movie and Netflix and chill may be popular go-to date-night plans, they don’t need to be your go-to date night plans.
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If you've always wanted to try making pottery, do it with someone you’re interested in courting. And if you love wine-tasting on the weekend, see if you can find someone to join you. You could even invite a date to things you have to get done. For example, if your dog need to get walked, why not invite your right swipe to meet you for a dog-friendly hike or a hang at the dog park. Do you need to go grocery shopping? Why not invite your date to your favorite farmer’s market? Who says errands can't be dates?
<br /><br /><b>Read More: </b><i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/eight-dating-red-flags-to-be-aware-of.html">8 Little Changes You Can Make to Sleep Better in Just One Day</a></b></i><br /><br />
<h3>5. Actually meet up</h3>
If you’re just looking for a sexy pen-pal, having a text-only relationship is A-okay. But if you’re ultimately looking for an in-person relationship, Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn recommends trying to meet up ASAP. “Chemistry is different face-to-face than it is via text, so the sooner you know, the better,” she says.
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If you generally prefer getting to learn more about someone before meeting up with them in person, she recommends FaceTiming the person or calling them on the phone ahead of meeting up. Both mediums will allow you to collect additional information so you can make an informed decision about whether this someone you’d actually want to meet IRL.
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<h3>6. Ditch the old-school rules</h3>
As the saying goes, rules are meant to be broken. And as far as old-school dating rules go, nothing could be more true. So with regard to questions about how long you should wait to have sex or who pays for the first date, Caraballo says to ignore any preconceived notions.
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“These dating rules are based on the idea that you must do things right, or you risk losing a potential suitor,” he says, adding that this simply isn’t true. The kind of person who is a good match for you won’t be turned off by things like the speed with which you text them back, for example. What does matter is that you communicate your expectations and ask the same of them: “That kind of vulnerability and courage is a fruitful ground for any kind of connection to grow and flourish,” he adds.
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<h3>7. Be proactive about bettering your relationship skills</h3>
You know employers value go-getter employees, and according to Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn, your partners and potential partners will value that instinct, too. “People who are good at dating are proactive about constantly deepening the relationships that they’re exploring so that those relationships don’t get stuck,” she says.
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In practice, that looks like scheduling hang times in advance, actually planning dates, asking deeper questions, being increasingly vulnerable, and fostering deeper intimacy, says Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn.
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<h3>8. Take a break when you need to</h3>
Put bluntly, dating isn't always going to be super exciting and joyous, but it shouldn’t weigh you down, consume your energy, or send you into a spiral of hopelessness. “If you find that you're starting to get disillusioned, it's completely valid to take a break for two days or two months or however long you need,” says Caraballo. When you have the schedule capacity and emotional bandwidth to show up and be vulnerable enough to date another person, try again then, he says. The only timeline in dating that matters is your own.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.wellandgood.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Well+Good</a></b>Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-13198157484458235772022-09-25T18:32:00.001-04:002022-09-25T18:34:58.591-04:00Eight Dating Red Flags to Be Aware Of<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Eight Dating Red Flags to Be Aware Of" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLe4CZGVMJVu6bUZP-T_BOywZnbMuLiYskdZQ6KPjmwLUXIFJN4rjhcmaI9u6IRb4chh4B3yQ_buaWGsF9G_16E5vriQa_e9jPTsT-3xOXQ8dz6FrwZpQddY7bVF5dOzncf2Nh6dFbe46Ft4FCiJas_3RlafBcyIYl2CWCbcx35YS9l-ZnaeZPb2T/s16000/relationship-tips.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by The Independent</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Olivia Petter</b>, The Independent
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It’s important to be open-minded when you start dating someone. Sure, you might hate the way they cut their toenails in bed or leave dirty dishes on the sink like they’re curating an exhibition, but these things aren’t exactly deal breakers.
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Real dating red flags tend to be a little more complex than habits you could pass off as behavioral quirks.
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And in today’s love at first swipe culture, where apps and social media have revolutionised the way we communicate, they’re more nuanced than ever.
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According to dating psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree, a red flag can be defined as “something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity or interest towards the relationship”.
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From never initiating dates to refraining from posting a couples shot on Instagram, here are the eight red flags you really need to look out for and why, according to dating experts.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/08/things-you-should-never-do-on-first-date.html">Things you should never do on a first date</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>They don’t want to label the relationship after a few months of dating</h3>
If Shakespeare was still around, perhaps he’d be able to give us a hand when it comes to understanding the ever-expanding language of love.
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Unfortunately, the Bard died in 1616, leaving us to make sense of lexical ambiguities like “seeing someone” and “hanging out” all on our own.
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We live in a world where there are now many words to describe one’s relationship that are conveniently non-committal and, also, somewhat meaningless.
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But if after a few months the person you’re dating/seeing/snogging/pulling/spooning refuses to label it (i.e. call you their girlfriend or boyfriend), it could be a major red flag.
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Not only might it signal a lack of commitment, explains Mason Roantree, but it may also suggest they are romantically involved with someone else.
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“If your significant other seems to avoid any conversations about exclusivity and labels after dating for several months, they are probably not serious about the relationship,” she tells The Independent.
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<h3>You don’t feature on their social media accounts after a few months</h3>
This is niche and should come with a disclaimer: if you or your partner are not on social media, or you use Instagram solely to follow cat fan accounts, you can probably ignore the following.
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<blockquote>Not featuring on their social media could mean they don’t see you as a long-term option<br /><span style="color: #666666;">
Madeleine Mason Roantree, dating psychologist</span></blockquote><br />
But if you are someone whose partner scrolls through Instagram/Twitter/Facebook religiously and has a history of featuring exes on their profile, Mason Roantree says it might be bad news if they haven’t posted about you yet.
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“It might mean they don’t see you as a long-term option, or that they are not ready to show you to the world," she explains.
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The one exception? If it’s a business account. In that case, not wanting to post selfies of you both in front of the Eiffel Tower complete with love-heart emojis and #CoupleGoals is kind of fair enough.
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<h3>They never initiate dates</h3>
It might sound simple, but actually sticking one’s neck out to make a plan is pretty important when it comes to dating, says Mason Roantree.
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“If you always seem to suggest when to meet, this is a one-sided relationship,” she explains. “It requires you to do all the work.
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“Someone who is really into you will contribute and be proactive in the relationship.”
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Being proactive is attractive, sitting back and letting someone else do all of the legwork while you bask in the glory of not having to lift a finger is not.
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<h3>There’s a power imbalance</h3>
Dating is about working together to support one another in equal measure, says dating coach James Preece. Being in a happy relationship should feel like being in the best kind of team, he says. If it doesn’t, and it seems like one of you is constantly exerting control over the other, who is more submissive, consider it a bright red flag, he tells The Independent.
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“Signs of a power imbalance can take the form of jealousy or controlling behavior,” he explains. “Both can easily lead to the end of a relationship, so try to deal with this early on rather than bottling up emotions.”
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As for how to handle it, Preece advises making your concerns clear and if nothing changes, it's time to reevaluate.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/08/youre-probably-making-this-big-dating-mistake.html">You're probably making this big dating mistake</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>You express your feelings to one another differently</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Eight Dating Red Flags to Be Aware Of" border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWlIGzeVL-AhbUg1P-ezwSZ7tJrQC7ysJ9QS3ka4wmyAntFxmu79z3Aws_kFJ0r5yLIyrFX39EPdFrIMB1VP3meORaD0cifVuZjYcd8acd_0Gtl-VZh3CRNAV2RZUvic-JVy-jgA1XmgEvjLr5yfGntlx-HAGMimwASApGNV7FSelroCuevhHHeODx/s16000/dating-red-flags.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="You express your feelings to one another differently" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by The Independent</td></tr></tbody></table><br />
It’s a good thing to have a yin and yang balance in a relationship: what you lack, your partner provides and vice versa. But one instance when this could be concerning is when it applies to how you express your love and affection for one another.
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It could be that you’re more of a romantic wordsmith – you constantly tell your partner you adore them and inundate them with compliments – while your partner is less appreciative of effusive compliments and favors kind-hearted actions.
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The tricky thing is that if you’re one way inclined, it may lead you to expect the same kind of behavior from your partner, and when you don’t receive it, it can be disappointing, explains Preece.
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“If you expect one thing and get another, you might not be as compatible as you hoped,” he adds.
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<h3>One of you is keeping secrets</h3>
We’re not just talking about harboring a penchant for pineapples dipped in marmite. If you or your partner is hiding something from the other, it’s going to do inevitable damage to your relationship at some point and is a definite red flag, says Preece.
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“We don’t need to share every little thought with our partner. But if one of you has something major on their mind that they are hiding, then it’s going to be problematic because keeping secrets can interfere with your happiness and the idea of getting ‘discovered’ can cause paranoia and arguments.”
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Recent research by dating website Elite Singles found that 34 per cent of people think sharing secrets is an important part of forming an intimate bond, so there are benefits to being an open book too.
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<h3>They won’t compromise</h3>
You’re never going to agree on everything with your partner, that much is a given. For example, a recent study found that nearly one in 10 couples split during house renovations with 15 per cent claiming they were “constantly at each other’s throats”.
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But learning to find a middle ground and ways to compromise on key issues is hugely important for a relationship to thrive, Preece explains.
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“Compromise really is all about not standing your ground and keeping the peace,” he says.
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“It’s all about looking for the halfway point where both parties can be happy. They’re not thrilled, but they’re not disappointed either.”
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If you notice that you and your partner are having an almost impossible time compromising, perhaps one of you refuses to budge on a particular issue, then there may be something very “seriously wrong with your relationship,” Preece adds.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2020/10/sign-of-good-date-according-to-singles.html">Sign of a Good Date, According to Singles</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Your friends or family hate them</h3>
If the people who know you the best do not like your partner, it’s an obvious red flag, says Preece.
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“Sometimes it’s easy to get blinkered and only see what you want to see, but if your family or friends clearly don’t like your partner then you need to understand why.”
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Of course, not everything can be happy families and some people simply don’t get on. But if you start to hear more negativity from your friends and family members, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.
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Preece adds: “Those around you can often see things you never will.”
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Independent</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-10497518790789359942022-09-19T05:51:00.005-04:002022-09-19T05:53:48.590-04:005 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ZmBpPUsFSmqenupMvThDKphqbBCWb-U5IGr9zsFW5HBsKK50DikAJh9htl6B-HDWJw7MTI59wVg0pObO9kVl89zlQ67AnOY3L59YtCs2apZohqy67jrcPGltEdQjM_7BU-d7VJYr01SMmGVIZX87tYZPMr4d0uQ_rJb3lyTYT5qRXFW3rnW3hsyb/s16000/couple-hugs-in-the-kitchen.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Aria Misty</b>, Higher Perspectives
<br /> <br />
It’s hard to accept but in any kind of relationship, you’re only responsible for yourself and have no control over the other person. This can be quite a vulnerable experience that creates equal power dynamics.
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Luckily, there are some psychology-based strategies that can not only help you manage your feelings but also influences the relationship, deepen the level of intimacy and create better odds of an everlasting loving relationship.
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Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/09/partner-doesnt-appeal-to-you-physically.html">What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Appeal to You Physically</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>What If Love Is Just Science?</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihRuYuUuE2jmZzfjuhMuIIMjHnpRTY45W9c_pRersxDUJPjijveWXbLKGakGezeFDYxZ16LDOYmutPUnllyDpkjChVHSSWOV2lDizKAOPHrmFScwC5x9Do-4qAfD4nfQ4QXzidXtvHHeB-PXo66wGtW3x9OfO88NRRPf1jI5Drw_fFr6Nq0nIoLNuy/s16000/man-and-woman-kiss.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="What If Love Is Just Science?" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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The feeling of love may feel like an overpowering, unexplainable concept that takes over your mind without you being able to rationalize it or make sense of it. However, everything happening in your heart is actually science. While you may have a hard time putting your feelings to words, the reason why love makes you do crazy things is all chemicals.
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The brain releases a hormone cocktail (oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone, estrogen, and vasopressin) that creates an additive and overwhelming feeling of euphoria, pleasure, and bonding, often all at once. This also gets the brain’s center (the amygdala) in a state of alertness because of the risk of heartbreak which releases feelings of fear, anger, or desire.
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While thinking of love as hormones and chemicals isn’t romantic, it’s also reassuring. It means that you have the power like a scientist to release the right dose of chemicals into the relationship and influence its success with a couple of tricks.
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<h3>Separately Practicing Meditation</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZRUcUgHmYwrQ9QHJ_0badfA4aXNQ-iyvo8p_mE-XLwgzHbQiEA0QlriYvF3apsab_39Z5mNNQ3Aj-RaBS48Y7pO6MSsFOLPm-Gt1CvTQSpBOLkV6iI4QBWTWpozB1BWQl-kI5O54d7Rlvoc6RIb1_4zU2W270qbaYJJuQnpGC3_Ek3duNKKsvzh9H/s16000/woman-open-to-the-world.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Separately Practicing Meditation" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Meditation has surprising effects on a good relationship despite being a self-focused activity. Taking some time to meditate improves emotional intelligence by helping each partner become self-aware of their needs.
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It also emotionally regulates their own distress instead of taking it out on their partner or expecting them to make them feel better. Overall it decreases stress and improves happiness which facilitates the romantic connection and makes you both happy individually, and together.
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Another benefit to meditation is that it boosts feelings of gratitude and helps you see the best in your partner and relationship, which brings you closer together.
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<h3>Visualize The End Goal Ahead Of It</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIgceyVvmLZk1KZ7u9YZv2yfBO2OcTf2xZ2mid0RK8NdRLVxGbcusg5mmf5HaYl92jE4DeVxAXT_JN42Pg41UIcH_-a0gQXfkBbwevwcASBcaomA44oGLHrWxscPSI9d9ECSIIQ8shQFWRSXCwrcmtMI8cN2bQxuPt-k8i0n3tr_qQa6xBk1B12ZfD/s16000/woman-and-flowers.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Visualize The End Goal Ahead Of It" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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We know how many times you've heard to just let the relationship fall into place the way it's meant to be, instead of trying to control it to fit an ideal or rushing to hit milestones for the sake of it, rather than arriving at them naturally. All the above is true, but the trick is in also knowing what it is that you want out of your relationship with this person
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Your brain is actually already constantly visualizing and stimulating future experiences, you're just not usually aware of it on a conscious level. However, if you bring that visualization to your conscious awareness you can actively manifest it for your reality. This helps you define yourself, set goals and feel prepared even during conflict.
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<h3>Literarily Pausing During Conflict</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0e0deRBksssNARgZttamLlQJ_8WuVjNy1Hl9sUS2nZj7A8qcEDAdfRnr3W1ipdSpEOGOwLdf7L9AP4Unn7j79JSqOtrI3nVegqENbdAJZz5Sq-42XQ_HzqD3QLhnh6jWKOqaFK743IxtzPTMEgxOEJghG14GtK5xYGOvHG9jYnWzT1cvj85mgVDHz/s16000/man-and-woman-sitting.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Literarly Pausing During Conflict" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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It can be hard to not get caught up in the heat of the moment during arguments. This is the worse time to actually reach a productive resolution. Often harsh things are done and said with irreversible effects. Instead, try a 10-minute timeout before you get to a point where you're so upset you might say something you'd regret.
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"Tell them you need 10 minutes to calm down, and that you will come back to this," says Wind. “Come back after 10 minutes, once you have calmed down or are more prepared to handle the conflict. It’s more likely that you can calmly sort out your differences this way," says Brian Wind, a clinical psychologist.
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<h3>The Mirroring Effect</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_0lNrRrOCa7TdhfxO3m0nO2H6CjNJdxwrEVwudSZTPF1zLMSqcv60xDpfplYLrKvJ5OuhqVJd7WAUnAJLMJn_OCvqlzlniRkk_97Q5r6hEVhpaHpb14XXO_lwE516ikYDA7vZZGS5gU9BcuztheRECCE5oH5yfBzrM8HAc8knlj3xHUzR1oPvn5q2/s16000/couple-in-mirror.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="The Mirroring Effect" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Mirroring is a subconscious act with a powerful effect. According to language expert Tonya Reiman: "To put it simply, mirroring is matching someone's behavior, whether it's their voice, their words, or their non-verbal cues (think gestures, movement, and body posture)...You can even experience people matching pitch, tone, blink rate, and breathing."
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Mirroring your partner might already happen on a subconscious level, but doing it consciously, such as sitting facing them, smiling back when they do, walking at the same speed, or matching facial expressions to their words, will create a feeling of comfort and increase attraction. It will make them feel seen, heard, and bonded to you.
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<h3>Maintaining Eye Contact</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOYc8iRtX_woqbh6k7b1BZXZZ7nacwBoisM-YUnmEcEdLp0_wdrrgybaR88bWtuELa9M2WJ2s92SnAYGYxw4Trv5qZ_Rtwq32xr8RdU6xJe_hfv0vvJ7fiiffVyq36H1vDCeEADTvL8OMWnh2r1qw2yW751GBr9X4CshHT2ym3T_UgPVh_0jQwqQ-t/s16000/green-eyes-closeup.jpg" title="Maintaining Eye Contact" /></div>
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The more comfortable a relationship gets the more you'll notice that you're just yelling at each other from different rooms or just having mindless conversations while watching tv. You lose that deep emotional connection you established early on in the relationship.
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One easy fix is to actually look at each other, especially when you're talking. Statistics show that people look at each other 30-60% of the time but that rate increases to 75% when a couple is attracted to each other. But the good news is that you can increase the rate yourself to 75% and trick their brain by properly looking at them 75% of the time.
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The brain knows the last time someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love and will associate you with the same feeling.
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<h3>Understand Your Projections, Or "Transference"</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5dKlfoZqd1zydcsNPeOi9aNSo-75qK3T6yMEuU1MDtKHybNFLKmc-qV7YUZBeR-KmWujSycawwMo20UUVUQvBEteUOfV_622mIRlEnp-Ka4ZQbWP807krLvez3oTJGAkoU9Qz1d7GP4ZgX38hqlwXqnJLcVeK-kyffPMF3bUfUg4VolVQliIDr1yy/s16000/couple-looking-at-their-pho.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Understand Your Projections, Or "Transference"" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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We often aren't aware of our own triggers and we brush off the things that bother us believing that we're preserving and moving forward. However, the less time we take to address what upsets us, the more it manifests through us in unhealthy ways. What happens is that you end up projecting all that is bothering you unto your partner
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Transference, according to Merriam-Webster, is "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object."
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Because the relationship with a partner is so intimate and vulnerable, it can bring out all the retained feelings. Instead, try to be mindful of them, give them space to feel them out, and figure out what you need to work through them.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/11-signs-your-relationship-is-getting-healthier.html">11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist</a></b></i>
<h3>Know Who To Look For</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Psychological Tricks That Deepen Any Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ZmBpPUsFSmqenupMvThDKphqbBCWb-U5IGr9zsFW5HBsKK50DikAJh9htl6B-HDWJw7MTI59wVg0pObO9kVl89zlQ67AnOY3L59YtCs2apZohqy67jrcPGltEdQjM_7BU-d7VJYr01SMmGVIZX87tYZPMr4d0uQ_rJb3lyTYT5qRXFW3rnW3hsyb/s16000/couple-hugs-in-the-kitchen.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Know Who To Look For" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Higher Perspectives</td></tr></tbody></table>
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In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
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Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.higherperspectives.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Higher Perspectives</a></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQvL9hoKpApSSi4yGZXqyy5o_uYq1Jehkyg71PlJyAWn14ig41TR17VdP6F5hLhJabszvpvSJVP1LZvsfJd99Yb5GEmwDhqg4w0DFMkcZFeTJId5R7jTLIVPq_kKbdoahDp8dtbtqeN9xzTai57SEcZUiD_Ry506gwe73iB0v9ZU8kPKdIRUT5fdvO/s800/green-eyes-closeup.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQvL9hoKpApSSi4yGZXqyy5o_uYq1Jehkyg71PlJyAWn14ig41TR17VdP6F5hLhJabszvpvSJVP1LZvsfJd99Yb5GEmwDhqg4w0DFMkcZFeTJId5R7jTLIVPq_kKbdoahDp8dtbtqeN9xzTai57SEcZUiD_Ry506gwe73iB0v9ZU8kPKdIRUT5fdvO/s320/green-eyes-closeup.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-36144530042352208112022-09-07T06:08:00.002-04:002022-09-07T06:08:32.310-04:005 Key Questions I Wish I Asked Myself Before Starting a Long-Distance Relationship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="5 Key Questions I Wish I Asked Myself Before Starting a Long-Distance Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="535" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxfAwF2uO5qoAcJb2WgNw0FtauJoq_G8vWf9g-a3c_LTGXKye9Wz0nBycCrQLKVdT9A39xmRUM4-pUdTtwprr2qNn0bnJwQAGPGAUknSNvaFBuy9-80OpxQFHHeIy7jA2zrAxqSLHqb14zfPj0tHMYk3CjNwAnGQjSyW557PFglmQ_Qr3PGjKSMnm/s16000/long-distance-relationship.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by Well+Good</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Amelia McBride</b>, Well+Good
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Dropped calls are a common hiccup for my boyfriend and I. For four out of the six years we’ve known each other, we have lived 1,500 miles apart. Two years into our relationship, he took a calculated risk and moved to New York to pursue his dream of working in film, while I stayed behind to complete my bachelor’s degree. After only a few short months of going long distance, we tearfully broke up; the frustrations of being away from each other and the anxieties of our unplanned future had taken their toll.
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At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, we found ourselves drawn back together, and by the middle of 2020, we had officially rekindled our love. In a world where many loved ones were navigating long distances for the first time, my boyfriend and I were giving our LDR another go. Today, we are currently picking out furniture for our shared home, and will be living together in a few months time.
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Having nearly made it out the other side of our long-term, long-distance relationship, I’ve found myself thinking about the difficult beginning of our cross-country romance. While I don't necessarily have regrets about how things played out, there are definitely some things I wish had taken into consideration before embarking on such a uniquely challenging relationship format.
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<h3>1. Have I discussed my concerns about going long-distance with my partner?</h3>
Before my boyfriend boarded that plane for New York four years ago, I had a million questions running through my head. When will I see him next? What time will he call me every night? What if he meets someone new? What if we fall out of love?
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At a time where the future of our relationship remained unknown, I was hungry for certainty. Lindsey Warwick, LPC-Associate and LMFT-Associate at The Gracious Mind in Texas, calls this an “intolerance of ambiguity,” or the desire for everything to be planned out to the last detail. This lack of flexibility can spell trouble for long-distance relationships.
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“It's something that contributes to anxiety,” says Warwick. “It basically means ‘I can't handle the fact that I don't know what's gonna happen’, or that ‘I'm not in control of this,’ and it can bring up a lot of distress.”
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Opening up a line of communication about these fears is crucial. “Usually when you're going to have conversations like this, ‘I feel’ statements are really good ways to address it because then you have to own what you're feeling,” says Warwick. “It puts the focus on you, which decreases the defensiveness of your partner.”
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<h3>2. Can we afford to see each other if we go long-distance?</h3>
When my boyfriend landed in New York City, he was starting from square one. He had a place to live, but not much else. As for me, a 20-something college student with a minimum-wage waitressing job, buying plane tickets to visit him in the middle of my schooling was completely out of the question.
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Our financial limitations became jarringly clear, and it worried me more and more as time went on. Not knowing when (or if) we could reunite in the near future was terrifying.
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Warwick explains that financial insecurity can be a big stressor for long-distance relationships, especially since it can reveal surprising financial power dynamics. If one person ends up spending more money than the other in an effort to connect, for example, a rift might occur.
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“The person who makes significantly more money might end up feeling a little bit resentful, or burdened if they're the one paying for stuff,” says Warwick. “Being aware of and attentive to that, have conversations around that, acknowledge or ask if that's happening. You don't want resentment to build up over time.”
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When visiting each other isn’t possible due to financial constraints, Warwick says that video chats can help you feel more connected than say, a phone call would. “Finding ways to get creative with increasing contact if you're not together, with WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype can be really helpful in increasing that intimacy when you can't afford to see each other,” she says.
<br /><br /><b>Read More: </b><i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/11-signs-your-relationship-is-getting-healthier.html">11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist</a></b></i><br /><br />
<h3>3. Are my expectations realistic?</h3>
Since my boyfriend was the one moving away, I assumed that he would be the one to schedule our nightly phone calls and plan our future cross-country trips to see each other (since he was the one leaving me behind). But these unspoken expectations were not always met, which made me angry and resigned from the relationship at times.
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“Having expectations without communicating them can be a big pathway towards resentment, especially if you have an idea of how something should go, and it’s not happening that way,” says Warwick. “Being able to talk about that or being able to notice those expectations versus the reality is really important.”
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For example, if hearing from your partner every day is really important to you, Warwick says, it’s your responsibility to communicate that—and help figure out how to make that happen. “Understand that sometimes a work thing might come up, or an emergency might happen,” adds Warwick. “Don't rely on a super rigid plan, but have something that at least gives you some idea, especially if you're a planner and a goal setter and a scheduler.”
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Plus, expectations regarding your future as a couple should be decided together, says Warwick, to ensure that you both feel that you’re investing in something that will give back. “So whether you're going to eventually move where this other person is, or they're going to eventually move back, or whatever that is that you mutually come to a decision about, there's probably going to be a bit of give and take,” Warwick says.
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<h3>4. Can we go without physical intimacy (at least, for the foreseeable future)?</h3>
My partner and I lucked out in sharing the same love language of physical touch. During the first two years of our relationship, our sexual chemistry became a medium for deeper connection. But I hadn’t properly considered how difficult a lack of physical intimacy would be for our relationship.
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“Long distance can be a real make-or-break for compatibility because so much of your connection is emotional and intellectual because you're talking on the phone, or you're texting, or you’re video calling,” Warwick says. “Over time, you move from that passionate love to consummate love, which is less sexually charged and more emotionally intimate, and more intellectually connected. And if you don't have that with your partner, it can be really hard to sustain it long-term.” This can be even harder for newer couples, she adds, because they haven't had time to build other forms of intimacy to help sustain their bond.
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Warwick says that, apart from sharing intimate phone calls and messages, keeping busy can help alleviate some of the pain that comes with not being able to have physical contact with your partner. “Throwing yourself into things that are important to you, whether it's your work, your friends, volunteering, other things.. If you're not busy, it can probably feel a lot more agonizing.”
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<h3>5. Have I built a life of my own outside of my significant other?</h3>
Back when my boyfriend lived in Texas, we would spend every waking moment together. We did everything together, from grocery shopping to bar-hopping, and the times we did go solo, we would be sending each other “I wish you were here” texts all night. But after going long-distance (especially once we broke up), I found myself scrambling for shoulders to lean on. Where were all of my friends? I hadn’t considered that by spending every hour with my significant other, I was neglecting my other relationships and interests.
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“There's a lot of relationship literature that talks about the vital importance of differentiation so that you don't converge into your partner, and become your partner, and make your partner your whole world,” says Warwick.”If your entire world is wrapped up in this person, the level of devastation you're going to experience and all of the existential crisis stuff that goes into the loss of your whole world is going to be fundamentally derailing.”
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Warwick shares that watering your own garden is important, in (and out of) long distance relationships. In an ideal relationship, both people lead fulfilled lives separate from their partner, full of platonic, meaningful relationships. “It does make a positive difference to have happy, healthy, safe people in your life beyond just that one person. In the same way that your romantic partner nourishes you, it's important to be able to nourish yourself with these other things,” she says.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.wellandgood.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Well+Good</a></b>Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-86558602838492703592022-09-06T19:17:00.001-04:002022-09-06T19:17:51.021-04:00What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Appeal to You Physically<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Appeal to You Physically" border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikUCOYPZ_j8ZejFwe8iW_c2C3MlxcIHyBa0ciICAi1vQmuHOj7y1oQlQoKnw25DpMMWgwYlxsLZQltHbxYhjG3zScRJCWpvh6nlEw3aW4HSp67gX_Wso7TlxywHch4bbuD-Ryy9KoYNa7iFgDYsFYFxwfr6qRi_DninjesrylLUDV2c6mEKxvOHyFq/s16000/couple-not-attracted-to-par.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by SheKnows</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Katie Smith</b>, SheKnows
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There is nothing like that fire you feel when your relationship is fresh and you are so attracted to your partner, it’s hard to keep your hands off one another. Over time, for some people, the attraction fades and the novelty wears off, which is a very normal part of being in a relationship. But for others, the sexual attraction disappears completely, and it can be tough to overcome.
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But is this normal? Is it worth ending a relationship over? We spoke with experts to let you in on why this happens, if you can overcome it and how.
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<h3>It happens to many couples</h3>
First, it’s important to understand that losing sexual attraction happens to most couples as we move on with our normal life. Dr. Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of How To Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together, tells SheKnows that decreased attraction “is very common as time passes in relationships.”
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/01/heres-why-you-cant-orgasm-during-sex.html">Why You Can’t Orgasm During Sex</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>There are lots of factors that lead to decreased attraction</h3>
Debi Silber, a transformational psychologist and health, mindset and personal-development speaker, tells SheKnows that a decrease in sexual attraction to your partner happens when your needs and expectations are unmet. When this happens, she explains, you’re not feeling as attracted to your partner as you once were, which “is a natural response,” as many of us pull back, especially if we have communicated to our partner what we need and we don’t feel heard.
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This makes us “feel unimportant, disregarded and, in their eyes, not taken seriously,” she adds.
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Silber says another factor is physical attraction decreases if we feel our partner has “let themselves go.” It sends a message our partner no longer cares about looking nice for us. “Neglected physical health and hygiene can be conveyed as a sign of disrespect to the other person,” she notes.
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Along the same lines, Tessina reminds us that it is easy to feel attracted to each other when you aren’t living together, but as your relationship evolves and you share a home, “romantic moments are no longer automatic,” and everyday things no longer feel exciting, as it’s easy to fall into a rhythm.
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But Dr. Julie Gurner, a clinical psychologist, says that it’s about more than looks. “Attraction isn’t simply about physical appearance,” she tells SheKnows, adding that people evolve over the duration of relationships, which can lead to them being less attracted to their partners.
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Gurner also says people lose their attraction for their partners when it comes to things like being unsupportive, as it causes us to see an ugly side of our partner and we lose attraction.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/06/what-to-do-if-your-partner-cheated-on-you.html">What to Do If You Find Out Your Partner Has Cheated on You?</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Can you get attraction back?</h3>
According to Silber, yes, it is possible, but first “you must realize what caused the decreased attraction in the first place.” For instance, maybe you started neglecting each other because you were too tired. A good place to start is to make a commitment to spend more time alone together, she adds.
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Decreased attraction has to be replaced with “affection, a sense of humor and intimate communication” Tessina says. It’s also important to note it takes two willing people to get things going again, and “you both need to create ways to communicate that you want to be close to each other,” she adds.
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It’s also important to note that over time, sex may be less about having an orgasm, and instead, “the focus should be on pleasure,” Tessina says.
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As unromantic as it may sound, Tessina recommends scheduling sex, communicating to your partner and trying some new stuff in the bedroom to spice things up.
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The good news? Gurner says that unless something happened in the relationship that is very painful, most partners can get the attraction back if you and your partner care enough to put in the work it takes to get there.
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It’s important to remember all relationships go through ebbs and flows and if you look back and remember what attracted you to them in the first place, think about why you don’t see them the same way anymore and can communicate these things to your partner in a supportive way, there is hope you can get those old feelings back.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.sheknows.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">SheKnows</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-27115922391122442472022-08-31T09:57:00.004-04:002022-08-31T09:57:59.982-04:0011 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="11 Signs Your Relationship Is Getting Healthier, From A Couples' Therapist" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrTQxzMQJ0_39BM8M0u4GtUXlvmmEyUIm3MzoEx9VWIEXROvgcBIZPZF54fLqJIJb6GFoQNXZ5JiUeZSyKMLOrGwrGEqb0o2lYIT7XbOMA5yMebbiRod2IjSso7NndPcQZpFJmVkGWvh34OijI9qC3x99BPdiUip3Mf6xkJ_e3obW_GFt5QcDp7nHD/s16000/Relationships.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by MindBodyGreen</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Jordan Dann</b>, MindBodyGreen
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Each partnership has a different evolution. Some couples enter a power struggle in the relationship quickly, while others are able to exist in their independent attachment strategies for years without much complaint. However, if you are in partnership with repetitive conflict, insecurity, and discomfort, and you have decided to take action (either with your partner or independently), you'll want to have some benchmarks to assess your growth.
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Here's my suggestion for how to do this: Most often, power struggles in relationships stem from a lack of differentiation, and so looking for signs of healthy differentiation can be an excellent way to assess if a relationship is getting healthier.
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Differentiation is the ability to maintain your sense of self when you are emotionally and physically close to your partner, especially as they become increasingly important to you. Differentiation allows you to maintain your sense of self and to remain emotionally regulated, even in moments when your partner is physically distant or not emotionally available in the way you'd like them to be.
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Differentiation is not the same as individualism, autonomy, or independence. A differentiated self is both solid and permeable. A differentiated person is able to feel their vulnerability, accept the vulnerable parts of themselves, and hold a healthy entitlement to someone else accepting their vulnerability without requiring that other person to take care of them.
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In his book Passionate Marriage, clinical psychologist David Schnarch, Ph.D., describes the goal of reaching a "critical mass" of healthy differentiation, which refers to couples who have liberated themselves from the unconscious cycles of unfinished attachment from their respective histories. When individuals have freed themselves from repeating their histories with one another, they have differentiated from their families, which means more support for differentiation in the partnership.
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Below are Schnarch's indications that you've reached "critical mass" of healthy differentiation—or, in other words, signs that you and your partner's relationship is getting healthier:
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<h3>1. You say the things that you are most terrified to say.</h3>
And you say these things out of respect for your partner and as an act of integrity to care for your relationship. People often keep themselves from telling the deep-down truth because they are "protecting" their partner. Paradoxically, relationships are often repaired and saved when people are most willing to speak their personal truth and open themselves to their partner's personal truth.
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<h3>2. One partner can sense that the other is changing… differentiating.</h3>
Many of us know what differentiation feels like, and if we are healthy, then we can recognize this as health in another person instead of a personal rejection or attack. You might notice that your partner is able to self-soothe more effectively, that they need less validation from you and are able to self-validate, and they no longer take the conflicts in the partnership as a personal failure.
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<h3>3. More peace.</h3>
Less conflict. More peace. Less anxiety. More relaxation. Little things don't even bother you anymore, and when there is conflict, you both are able to find a middle ground, hold one another's differences, and repair more quickly.
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<h3>4. Quiet and reflective tones.</h3>
Stonewalling and icy silence give way to a more sober, reflective, calm, and respectful tone. Each partner is able to self-soothe and reflect on how they contribute to conflict and to take responsibility for their impact on their partner.
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<h3>5. Distancer-pursuer cycles stop.</h3>
At critical mass, the chase of distancer/pursuer stops. The pursuer stops criticizing and poking as a strategy to engage the distancer and can hold themselves in place by self-soothing. The distancer stops withdrawing or stonewalling because this strategy is only effective when they are being pursued. Often the pursuing partner, who previously looked highly dependent, now acts autonomously and independently. The distancing partner, who seemed so self-sufficient, now has more space to feel feelings and have attachment needs.
<br /><br /><b>Read More: </b><i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/08/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-in-a-healthy-way.html">How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way</a></b></i><br /><br />
<h3>6. Lost parts of the self emerge, and each partner feels more whole.</h3>
When each partner is able to differentiate and take responsibility for their attachment strategies, they discover the "lost" or undeveloped parts of themselves. For instance, a woman who has been called "insensitive," now faced with her wife's newly developed capacity to self-soothe, now discovers that she has more space to feel all the feelings that she once did not feel.
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<h3>7. Partners take action and stand up.</h3>
Raising your level of differentiation requires action and behavior change. There is no more "business as usual"—all the strategies and habits such as posturing, denial, defensiveness, and critical arguments cease to exist. Partners have clearer boundaries, express themselves with regulated clarity, and stand up for what they believe without attack or criticism of their partner.
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<h3>8. Partners speak directly to one another.</h3>
Self-validated intimacy means that you express yourself to your partner from a position of "quiet conviction." You make your point and share your experience without pushing your partner to agree or give up their different perspective. Partners state their own views without criticism. This style of relating means that each person feels heard, understood, and seen—even when talking about difficult things.
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<h3>9. No more blame or shame.</h3>
When you stop seeing your partner as the problem, you stop blaming and criticizing, which decreases your partner's defensiveness. When couples reach a critical mass of differentiation, only the most crucial issues matter. Blame and criticism no longer become safe because one or both partners won't tolerate it anymore. There is less impulse and less tolerance for taking out frustrations on one another.
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<h3>10. Anger does not escalate.</h3>
Anger may occasionally flair, but it doesn't escalate. If someone experiences anger, that person is immediately aware, and able to self-soothe and make a repair if necessary.
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<h3>11. Ultimatums stop.</h3>
People who issue frequent ultimatums have little integrity in a relationship because they don't follow through. Ultimatums are a strategy to maintain control, and when you have reached critical mass, you don't need to maintain control because of how much peace there is between you both.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.mindbodygreen.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">MindBodyGreen</a></b>
Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-3732708814369695012022-08-27T05:49:00.006-04:002022-08-27T05:50:01.267-04:00How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way" border="0" data-original-height="390" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxP-ZjSjbfL7cFojpIg0NLI9W7yEj8zsGDJGswbUlcsZWw0hP27cu9iimzODBnXNb3oCWhJ23jLGjYCrT33flQnNyIVz14nxsXSLuGfj98LF5GNqNmU25Hx5nTbF2TfBDyJucB5-pyfzPKqszztY4yblOmgQsMQWxvdjNgeYGKi0I4f723PvuF85v-/s16000/Relationships.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">© Provided by Prevention</td></tr></tbody></table><br />By <b>Marygrace Taylor</b>, Prevention
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Maybe your friend got a raise while you’re struggling to make ends meet. Or your partner spent what felt like a little too long chatting with the neighbor who just so happens to be way better looking than you. At some point or another, we’ve all gotten a little jealous.
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Thankfully, those envy pangs usually fade away after a little while. But what happens when they don’t? What if your jealousy keeps getting more and more intense to the point where you’re thinking about it nonstop—or worse, where it’s starting to affect your relationship?
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It might be time to face those feelings head on. Here’s what experts say you should be doing to get your envious emotions under control.
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<h3>Is it normal to feel jealous?</h3>
Getting slammed by the green-eyed monster can feel frustrating and even a little bit icky. After all, you’re a well-adjusted adult…not a petty middle schooler. But the truth is, everyone gets jealous once in a while—it’s part of being human! “Biologically and emotionally our earliest survival mechanism is our attachment to others,” explains Mark B. Borg Jr., PhD, co-author of Irrelationship and Relationship Sanity. Jealousy can make you feel like your attachment to a loved one is being threatened—which in turn makes you feel threatened.
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Put another way? We expect our loved ones to make us feel secure. So when they don’t, we get jealous, Borg says. Maybe you always grab coffee with the same friend on Saturdays, but then she starts taking a weekend photography class and doesn’t have time to meet up anymore. Suddenly, you get hit with this weird sense like she doesn’t care about you as much and you start to feel jealous that she’s spending time at her class instead of with you.
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Scenarios like that are pretty common, but that doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Jealousy messes with your mood and can steal your focus away from more important tasks. Worst of all? When left to fester, it can seriously damage your relationships, Borg says.
<br /><br /><b>Read More: </b><i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/03/7-signs-of-disrespect-that-could-hurt-your-relationship.html">7 Under-the-Radar Signs of Disrespect That Could Hurt Your Relationship</a></b></i><br /><br />
<h3>How to deal with jealousy in a healthy way</h3>
You might think the best way to cope with your jealousy is just to ignore it and move on. But pretending your feelings don’t exist can be a recipe for an emotional disaster. “That’s how jealousy becomes toxic, gets acted out in exaggerated ways, and can become highly destructive,” Borg says.
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To get your emotions under control, start by taking a deep breath. Now take the time to think about how you really feel—and how you want to respond—before making another move, recommends marriage and family therapist Risa Ganel, MS, LCMFT. Here’s how to do it.
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<h3>1. Separate yourself from your feelings</h3>
Rather than label yourself as jealous, remember that your mind is merely handing you a jealous feeling at the moment. This can help you avoid getting swallowed by your own emotions—and keep a level head. “That makes it easier to choose if this is a feeling you need to act upon or if it’s one you let pass by,” says Ganel.
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<h3>2. Figure out where your jealousy is really coming from</h3>
Do your jealous feelings stem from something the person has done in the past, or are they coming from your own insecurities? Figuring out the answer can tell you whether the issue needs to be addressed with the person (maybe your partner has a history of being a little too friendly at parties) or if it’s something you need to work on internally (your previous partner cheated, so you’re worried that your current one will too).
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<h3>3. Write it down</h3>
Pausing to put pen to paper can sometimes slow the flood of emotions and help you think more clearly before taking action on your feelings, says Ganel.
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<h3>4. Now talk about it</h3>
Once you’re calm and have taken some time to clarify how you really feel, loop the other person in. Be open and honest about what’s going on inside your head, and ask for help working through your jealousy instead dishing out criticism. “This gives you an opportunity to talk about strengthening your relationship from the signal jealousy gave you and keeps you away from playing the blame game,” Ganel says. “You may be surprised to hear that they’ve had jealous feelings too.”
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<h3>What not to do when you’re feeling jealous</h3>
Resist the urge to lash out, even when you feel like your jealousy is totally justified. Accusing your loved one or blaming them for your feelings is a surefire way to spark an argument. “You want to own your emotions and be in charge of them,” Ganel says.
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And when it comes to romantic jealousy in particular, here’s another no-no: Don’t monitor your partner or invade their privacy to prove that your jealous feelings are “right.” “No relationship has ever improved through snooping,” warns Ganel. And yes, looking through texts or emails totally counts.
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Finally, don’t let your jealousy spiral out of control. It’s normal to feel jealous every once in a while, notes Borg. But if you’re seething with envy on a near-daily basis or your jealousy is triggering feelings of intense rage or even violence, you might be dealing with internal insecurities that are worth addressing with a therapist.
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See more at <b><a href="https://www.prevention.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Prevention</a></b>Minius Martinezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16553013808818882322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-52860163637594593372022-06-12T17:53:00.000-04:002023-01-14T01:17:06.445-05:00Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwBSvDnuCDfEpMAq4WBg990Q83DekMlYSMXDiFiYZ_rTHOMPbGoAVeqf43HspaMQEZlbxAigvWxxrxDxysCdaPfb5cFmVTTd-ThlNp4UWPvea_b8bV1WmdILprKnD4DWKFlPswEntqyuY_9uH6rrlstJHKKUM-cLKbuyvNsolbHdHunUgZxiXlVOh/s16000/Taylor-Swift.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Lauren Ash</b>, Best Life
<br /> <br />You may have a favorite celebrity, but have you ever wondered if you'd be compatible with your favorite A-lister in real life? While most of us will never get the chance to meet our favorite stars in person, it's still fun to imagine a song-writing session with Taylor Swift or attending a movie premiere with Chris Evans. When it comes to dating, and romantic compatibility, your zodiac sign can show you a lot about yourself and others. And if you're curious to know which celebrity is your cosmic soulmate—you can always look to the stars. So, which Hollywood star does your zodiac sign vibe with best? Read on to find out who your ultimate celebrity soulmate is, based on your sign.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2022/03/the-zodiac-sign-most-likely-to-divorce.html">The Zodiac Sign Most Likely to Divorce, Astrologer Confirms</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Aries Soulmate: Serena Williams (Libra)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio5kFHbS3OyeypJz0f-QczyKy26WeqjmbOP39mMFguDRrHH5Zvi_iVInzCvPY93hIwcs5qNa-s3UyHd-FiN53Z1puI2NTq3sh0yjXuJqCSxuKvZzLx_bL2N8P5lL7uVrZbGXxHBjb7F1b05A8ZUHsTroEizMhDmC2i6kchSnhcQKiQ7E7CIeCRsxuz/s16000/Serena-Williams.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Serena Williams (Libra)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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You, Aries, are competitive, energetic, and dynamic—which makes you passionately confident in all aspects of life. As the first sign of the zodiac, you're known for relentlessly going after what you want and always striving to be the best. You need a partner who can match your energy and isn't afraid of a little friendly competition. That's why Serena Williams, the most decorated tennis player of all time, is your perfect match. Williams's ambition and drive are the perfect match when you're searching for someone who can appreciate your desire to succeed.
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<h3>Taurus Soulmate: Robert Pattinson (Taurus)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZEUYNLJG-tuItVkQPpQVTfriz8QqtZ6V7F46rLFLhxTJydg177YXFSVbAVbaJ35S5g_8935TPooph8R0lF3rBPlD2VMJxolHBEZHHnI1jDXLikLPNXqtjPJC708wTWLe45_nh-OSiVl7GF0t_5QwdCxeHaZrANZNYTFCBFljuUGqLY7KsV635US1/s16000/Robert-Pattinson.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Robert Pattinson (Taurus)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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As an earth sign, you gravitate toward those who share your practical view on life. On your own, Taurus, you're stubborn and determined, and you need someone who knows how to balance out your passionate disposition. Your ideal celebrity soulmate is someone who knows how to tell it like it is and always has your best interest at heart, which is why fellow Tauruses, like Robert Pattinson, are great to have by your side. Hilarious, optimistic, and always loyal, he'll be your go-to when life comes at you sideways. His quirkiness and down-to-earth personality will make perfect combo when you're searching for a loyal partner who just gets you.
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<h3>Gemini Soulmate: Miley Cyrus (Sagittarius)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="532" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhQlKFsKJqLbiQ9Ejt5fjlPu3HIvJ0-2hqhhINyIgCgcuSRFIwjIY6zUbNJRbqXAvlgcvIqvk9wuusIb8dcCEA8W0gkLTeQrjW1BuQoTMJSk28phn3DtRBgve1rbnxBsEAaT1FsWxMDFTI3RN5rBowNsgp2EWRb6fNcaTk92njy6H5pZ8i5f69Qoad/s16000/Miley-Cyrus.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Miley Cyrus (Sagittarius)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Meeting people is no issue for you, Gemini, since you're known for being the social butterfly of the zodiac. Geminis are flexible, extroverted, and witty, so there's never a dull moment while you're around. As an adventurer, you need someone as spontaneous and impulsive as you: Miley Cyrus is your girl. Like you, Cyrus is a charming and chatty free spirit who can't help but attract attention. She also shares your love of spilling the tea, meaning you two could gab over the latest celebrity gossip or even the latest season of Stranger Things together.
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<h3>Cancer Soulmate: Dev Patel (Taurus)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP8Nz6VEO7LBiEtKPO9prwAAQBap8xq7Oez1SjkQVvn2k3Do-jg-jHi00xWi1u4WGRtmPOWdNaaUKJyPThV3EXdCuTPZp-UqnjSY5VYXhrJ1D3PBRcU4mDpY2shqyT03JgIaF6puf8uB9bnifHAmi2vF3xGv27GSg286-BjQu6DOFIa1VvkrpYgD-R/s16000/Dev-Patel.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Dev Patel (Taurus)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Compassionate, playful, and fiercely loyal are just a few traits Cancers are known for, as well as your nurturing nature and connection to your emotions. Someone grounded and practical, like a Taurus is your strongest match because you both know the importance of taking things slow and enjoying the bright side of life. There's nothing you love more than a relaxing night at home with your closest friends. And just like you, Dev Patel is loyal and likes to keep his inner circle tight. You can count on him to be a shoulder to cry on if you ever need someone to vent to—because he's the perfect listener.
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<h3>Leo Soulmate: Kim Kardashian (Libra)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="584" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDkQDpj9eFVyE3Q7htw3RyS5WbHINHNXexQ7QvgWj8l-mr9u72KFz5xejJ9-NtJOF1tUuybw26RWhcBem_gvRy7JCU3d1yGU-wjF-aVjoJJUbA8SXlm4kE4eH8cbxD_ovKj8YnpLK6DO0weJbjuDb58Fqf7zJ_b0pmEBixHrP2hpeyLyoQuPNSI4JL/s16000/Kim-Kardashian.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Kim Kardashian (Libra)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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There's something to be said for your natural confidence, Leo, but wouldn't it be nice to find someone else who shared your bold sense of humor? As the zodiac sign most often in the spotlight, you tend to gravitate toward people who are equally glamorous and fun-loving as you are. Your ideal celeb BFF is someone who knows how to balance out your fire, and Libras like Kim Kardashian are known for being balanced, objective, and friendly. She'll keep things fun–but she'll also help keep you grounded and not let you take yourself too seriously.
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<h3>Virgo Soulmate: Keanu Reeves (Virgo)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="543" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMYOT1XjEXRhI5VH8D3CejwGSvCluZPMYqzGKbdgh9LlfoYv9j5nXvgwQGA4wPdpFBDSgkOvvx21S2oZu0qmJ5NECI7A_xnF58bg6JNYLkUJss6Ef_WatEKWsE5b78plcrG1aM4cAo4BtCteJrKEBXIkuMOQQ8TiHCCGcOvan5yqbxHeE_GKAyvPOG/s16000/Keanu-Reeves.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Keanu Reeves (Virgo)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Virgos appreciate relationships based on maturity and shared interests, which is why you look for people who are compassionate and kind; and tend to gravitate towards other earth signs. That's why of all the signs, a fellow Virgo like Keanu Reeves will make a solid match. You two are the perfect pair: His determination and compassion is the ideal complement to your practical outlook and interest in self-improvement. He also has a grounded confidence, which is why he makes such a good partner. He's not the type to compete with you, and would rather uplift those around him. With him by your side, you just might conquer the world.
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<h3>Libra Soulmate: Taylor Swift (Sagittarius)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwBSvDnuCDfEpMAq4WBg990Q83DekMlYSMXDiFiYZ_rTHOMPbGoAVeqf43HspaMQEZlbxAigvWxxrxDxysCdaPfb5cFmVTTd-ThlNp4UWPvea_b8bV1WmdILprKnD4DWKFlPswEntqyuY_9uH6rrlstJHKKUM-cLKbuyvNsolbHdHunUgZxiXlVOh/s16000/Taylor-Swift.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Taylor Swift (Sagittarius)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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You're a lover, not a fighter, Libra. You can make friends wherever you go because you're usually up for anything and love to be around other people. You're looking for someone who is quick-witted, fun, and always up for an adventure. That's why a Sagittarius like Taylor Swift is your ideal celebrity soulmate. She'll be able to keep up with your creativity and intelligence—and if you're looking for someone who will whisk you away on a last-minute adventure or stay up late talking about the meaning of life together, she's your girl.
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<h3>Scorpio Soulmate: Ryan Reynolds (Scorpio)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="532" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfS250N0jPkKPlfWpzjR3LcPAEHmkRPK7DY1lil9GcyRJGBeFaXL7xhSTFwNmo--6lI7Dp_zcXogKHx8JJWwd7ezHi6pg6njWEcgj1RQrPeyd3HIIrvPOqx2WY6iyr97JPCw5C6qPcoScbzGfgBPyCsyDYBFkMnJgzy_SiG9lzIZKK8wp2GHIWhZs/s16000/Ryan-Reynolds.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Ryan Reynolds (Scorpio)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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You're one cool customer, Scorpio, but under your tough act is a secret soft side. As a water sign, you hold your emotions close to the chest, so it takes a good amount of effort to get you to open up. In terms of romance, you'll get along best with fellow Scorpio, Ryan Reynolds. You're both artistic and spiritual, giving you a friendly and magnetic connection. Only fellow water signs, with their deep emotions, can understand being overwhelmed by their feelings and won't have any trouble giving you space. He's compassionate and understanding and won't mind that you need some alone time every now and again.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2021/07/which-6-zodiac-signs-have-best-shot-at-finding-love-this-summer.html">Which Zodiac Signs Have The Best Shot At Finding Love This Summer?</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Sagittarius Soulmate: Stevie Nicks (Gemini)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtJ-p6tYF8dB_u-WYathCTjjYvaJP6cGAz6TfryXmDZrwsJ5oyI5-diyvk7l4WnrF30nwhNj9BPOT_t3Ve3X5qPnHa9J7mTcJ9ZoZJHvcRT8lpg6YSRKvMAJpCFvoqtxB4JIE-P8661M6t1nzEcAbFWOzoK9XwSBd68rW2nEiXcYUSv1J3jB9bsW0F/s16000/Stevie-Nicks.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Stevie Nicks (Gemini)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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Sagittarius, you love to challenge the status quo, so it's not surprising that your star-crossed soulmate is one of the most talented women around. The cool and effortlessly brilliant Stevie Nicks would be the ideal zodiac soulmate for adventurous Sagittarius—and Nicks's spitfire, in-your-face style will resonate with your vivacious and energetic vibe. Geminis like Stevie Nicks have extremely active minds and aren't afraid to leave their mark on the world. The pair of you together would be an unstoppable creative force.
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<h3>Capricorn Soulmate: John Boyega (Pisces)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh07SswLK_r7mfhRBA3PXHCROVeEF8Fs4RGQnvJhcPeRjGfCazSDdgZu1oDzWs4cqgeMEosvBNRtcjpm9ENbTNmleLJzvFq4_1deWNObuQP5APz0-IIGr1xKl6eezTC1V-MUBZd2XTwb1m6MDo1GO1fBkLBCBqvarlyvWXRMwWEqKD8x27OPDsUxcd8/s16000/John-Boyega.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="John Boyega (Pisces)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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What matters most to you most is ambition and the drive to be successful in anything you try to accomplish. As the hardworking leader of the zodiac, you need a cosmic partner who can motivate you to be your best self. And who is a better inspiration than a fun-loving Pisces, like John Boyega? He'll charm you with his warm laugh, as well as his determination and unwavering persistence. He knows a thing or two about the overachiever lifestyle, because Pisces never stop dreaming. You and Boyega are two ambitious people who are determined, but are still somehow still the most down-to-earth pair.
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<h3>Aquarius Soulmate: Doja Cat (Libra)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="503" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRKL1KC5IZ94Y-IlPQgg_UuAPQAznN_joNKOAYGemVl4sUDVEiQ2oHD1p_maYQ9I8Ahw_5MKfjntQyxSu-ieJZi_2n_TS9iA0g5mSctRVCfG5IzwvQoIMLQhzoMRZFKG4MDCLkC-IMeOcFxlmViLly5GMqxIQUMkpMd4-jwWsP7CrJPqb7ehXc1xPs/s16000/Doja-Cat.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Doja Cat (Libra)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Known as the rebel and visionary of the zodiac, you're full of innovative ideas, Aquarius. You need a relationship that goes beyond the surface level stuff. Aquariuses are unique, free-spirited souls. You prefer to surround yourself with people who are just as quirky and unique as you are—someone like Doja Cat. She's not afraid to innovate and get weird in the name of creating cool art, and as a result she's always setting the trend. Together, the two of you are a fearless and unstoppable pair that are sure to shake things up.
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<h3>Pisces Soulmate: Rihanna (Pisces)</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Celebrity Love Match Based on Your Zodiac Sign" border="0" data-original-height="511" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNGBN-KU9P1dvyV3sTbhRJFAj2opAxyrZrl5ar7QENbAbWRQUp9D2CReDm8SBYw7227-2zo7-54s3jcCyIjzb0jkNK9SksWI49Ws6CdkMrHK4MSEx0zOGTZnjU96iHS-xLulVtsrRijLAyeNlCueuv6ta3qgY9Tqp6GxxulpHBkeU4rJO6aerb2oYi/s16000/Rihanna.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Rihanna (Pisces)" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by Best Life</td></tr></tbody></table>
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The last sign of the zodiac, but never the least, is ethereal and empathetic, Pisces. As the most perceptive of the signs, you know how to read people, so your star-studded bestie needs to be equally insightful. Ruled by Neptune, you're looking for a partner who you can share all your deepest dreams with, which is why fellow Pisces, Rihanna, makes an ideal celebrity match for you. She's deeply passionate, and openly expresses her thoughts and emotions. She also has a strong moral compass, innately knowing what she feels is right or wrong—which is an ideal match for how you approach life.
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See more at <b><a href="https://bestlifeonline.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Best Life</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6935346368574078251.post-80914571898791252772022-06-03T23:52:00.001-04:002022-06-03T23:52:44.731-04:00What to Do If You Find Out Your Partner Has Cheated on You?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="What to Do If You Find Out Your Partner Has Cheated on You?" border="0" data-original-height="735" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb4vi33mQSU-3wk-ZT2eTDrAkV3jir3aGLt5-jCfn0d42X7rp673CacsWn8_lBZ-SXO26LwjdfZ2giXfc6eTN3KyD60VUJ7_m8rpBNEyD6pRmCSW8CgiM_9pjAUKMOmVwcKhKYYwVrNM1xo1oResLXwkcSi1YDT4YUwANKDkomvntWDMBgma0lHFCR/s16000/couples-after-cheating.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="[feature]" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">Ⓒ Provided by SheKnows</td></tr></tbody></table>
<br />By <b>Ashley Papa</b>, SheKnows
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Finding out a partner has had an affair can rock your world and be an emotionally devastating experience for you and your family. After all, it’s a betrayal of trust that can bring up a wealth of other concerns about your home life, your future and your health. In the moment, it makes sense that you might be overcome with emotions: People can suddenly experience an array of feelings after discovering infidelity including sadness, anger, shock and disbelief. If your partner cheats, it’s hard to understand why they would do it, what you missed or how it was but what you decide to do afterward is important.
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Here are some expert tips on healthy and productive things that you can do right after your partner cheats:
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2019/03/20-surprising-things-that-can-cause-someone-to-cheat.html">20 Surprising Things That Can Cause Someone to Cheat</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Take a breath & allow yourself to cry or scream</h3>
Far too often, people don’t give themselves the space and time to simply be in the emotions and feel them, Piper S. Grant, a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert, tells SheKnows. “So if you need to scream, scream — into a pillow rather than at your partner. If you need to cry, then let yourself go into that ugly cry.”
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<h3>Reach out to trusted friends</h3>
Reach out to a friend that you know can be supportive and free of judgment. “It is not uncommon for friends to want to jump to your rescue and quickly offer advice for what you need to do. This can be further confusing and actually can make it hard to figure out what is best for you,” says Grant.
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<h3>Try to understand why or how the infidelity happened</h3>
Make sure you listen and don’t make assumptions. “As much as you might not want to hear about the specific details, you will want to create an understanding for why your partner did what they did, Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid, tells SheKnows.
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<h3>Make sure to assess the status of your situation</h3>
Where did you find out? Are you safe? Do you feel comfortable staying in the same place as your partner? If not, find somewhere safe for the night and make sure you take care of yourself first, suggests Ricciardi. “Things can get pretty unstable when working through infidelity, and you want to make sure you are in a stable environment so that you can continue to take care of your everyday life.”
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<h3>Get tested</h3>
If you and your partner had been together for a long time and were fluid bonded (or beyond using barrier method contraception), which is often the case for people who are in longterm monogamous situations or folks who were open to conceiving, you want to take the time to check in on your health. Make an appointment with your doctor and get yourself tested for STIs — better to be safe than sorry!
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<h3>Understand it’s not your fault</h3>
It was their call to cheat when they did, and you can’t take it out on yourself. “No matter what the situation was, your partner had a commitment to you, and you can’t feel responsible for it,” Lori Bizzoco, a relationship expert and founder of Cupid’s Pulse, tells SheKnows.
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<h3>Evaluate your options</h3>
It might be hard to make a final decision, but start to lay the foundation for which direction this relationship is going. “Whether you stay together or decide to move on, at this stage, you need to focus on your coping skills. Work through it to forgive or to forget,” says Ricciardi.
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<h3>Give yourself at least 24 hours before making any big decisions</h3>
No big decisions need to be made immediately, so give yourself at least 24 hours to make any big decisions, suggests Grant. “Right after finding about a partner cheating, we can feel like we need to go straight into fix-it mode or make big decisions based on discovering the sexual infidelity. Rather than being reactive, be intentional and thoughtful.”
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<h3>Reevaluate the relationship</h3>
You should take a step back and decide if your partner cheating is something that is forgivable. “If it’s something that you can forgive them for, then you’ll need to have a conversation about how to move forward in the best way possible. If not, then you’ll have to move on in the best way you can,” says Bizzoco.
<br /> <br />Read More: <i><b><a href="https://love.dearjulius.com/2016/08/10-ways-to-save-your-marriage.html">10 Ways to Save Your Marriage</a></b></i><br /> <br />
<h3>Avoid social media if you can</h3>
“You don’t want to react online and write about how much you hate your partner just to later forgive them for their actions,” says Ricciardi. And the exact opposite can be just as bad. “Don’t post fake, happy photos to get your partner jealous or to disguise that you’re OK when really you’re not. Keep your business to yourself and give yourself some time to process everything and stay offline.”
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<h3>Don’t try to get back at your partner or to act vengefully</h3>
“You’re really hurting right now, and you want your partner to hurt the same, but don’t spread the pain,” says Ricciardi. You don’t want to do anything you can’t reverse, and at the end of the day, you won’t feel better “getting back” at them.
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<h3>Accept what happened</h3>
“In a lot of cases, people are in denial about their significant other cheating on them. Pushing the problem aside won’t change what happened, so confronting the problem with your partner head-on is the best way to go about it,” says Bizzoco.
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<h3>Don’t forget to take care of yourself</h3>
Sometimes, these emotions can be overwhelming, and people might find themselves not eating or binging on loads of unhealthy food. “When you are going through something so emotional, it is imperative to try and take care of yourself physically because it will only help support you in being able to process all of the emotions,” says Grant.
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Nothing is going to make the process painless, but hopefully, by following this expert advice you can heal completely and in a way that is healthy for you and your partner.
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See more at <b><a href="http://www.sheknows.com/">SheKnows</a></b>Saba Binte Murtazhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06485364687571869478noreply@blogger.com