By
some accounts, the rate of divorce in the United States hovers around
50 percent. Whether you're in a new relationship or coming up on your
10th anniversary, these are the ways to prevent your marriage from
becoming a statistic.
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Date at least 3 years before putting a ring on it.
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Three is the magic number, according to a 2014 survey conducted at Emory University.
Research shows that couples who date for at least a few years increase
their chances of staying together. But don't wait too long—a July 2015 analysis from the University of Utah found that, for individuals who tie the knot after age 32, the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year of age at marriage.
Wait until after your 23rd birthday to commit.
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Find someone close in age.
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The bigger the age gap between spouses, the more likely they are to get divorced, says a 2014 study from Emory University.
Don't blow your savings on a big diamond.
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Or an expensive wedding. One study
found that couples who drop $20,000 or more on a ceremony are 46
percent more likely to divorce. On the flip side, the those who spend
under $5,000 are 18 percent less likely to split up. The same was true for engagement rings: the bigger the rock, the better the chances of divorce.
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Marry a healthy guy with an easygoing personality.
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There's a reason mom wanted you to find a nice boy: Research from the University of Chicago
finds that a husband's "agreeable personality" and good health are
crucial to relationship longevity in older couples. (Oddly, the same
traits in wives don't necessarily limit marital conflict.)
Go to church.
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Couples who attend religious services regularly are 46 percent less likely to divorce, according to the Emory University survey.
But there's a caveat: individuals who identify as evangelical
Christians have a divorce rate that's higher than average, according to a
2014 study from Baylor University.
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Learn to communicate.
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Most marital problems can be solved through open communication—at least that's according to the participants in the Cornell Marriage Advice Project,
the largest in-depth study ever done of people in longtime marriages.
The June 2015 study, conducted by a Cornell University gerontologist,
surveyed more than 700 individuals wedded for a total of 40,000 years.
...but don't talk everything to death.
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When
your husband says he doesn't want to talk about it, believe him. "For
women, getting a lot of support from their spouse is a positive
experience," said Deborah Carr, the Rutgers University professor behind an October 2015 study
that examined how men and women in long-term marriages deal with
marital troubles differently. "Older men, however, may feel frustrated
receiving lots of support from their wife, especially if it makes them
feel helpless or less competent."
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Divide household chores equally.
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Spouses who take on their fair share of housework have better sex lives, according to an October 2015 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. (And better sex lives lead to happier unions. See: next tip.)
However, researchers say not all couples benefit from dividing chores—their work focused on equal housework in relation to sex among egalitarian couples, in other words, relationships where both partners work and share domestic responsibilities.
However, researchers say not all couples benefit from dividing chores—their work focused on equal housework in relation to sex among egalitarian couples, in other words, relationships where both partners work and share domestic responsibilities.
Keep the flame burning.
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Recent research from the American Sociological Association
shows that married women seeking affairs, specifically those between
the ages of 35 to 45, do so because they're lacking sex and romantic
passion in their own marriages.
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Treat marriage as a lifelong commitment.
According to Karl Pillemer, the gerontologist behind the Cornell Marriage Advice Project,
spouses must have "mindset [that marriage] is a profound commitment to
be respected, even if things go sour over the short term." It is not,
Pillemar said, a voluntary partnership that ends when the passion does.
Live in New Jersey.
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Yup. According to 2012 U.S. Census Data published by Bloomberg, the Garden State has the lowest rate of divorce (8.6 percent) in the country.
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13 Have some interests in common.
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Couples surveyed in the Cornell Marriage Advice Project also
stressed a need for similarities—in interests, background and values.
"The most critical need for similarity is in core values regarding
potentially contentious issues like child-rearing, how money should be
spent and religion," said Pillemer.
Make happiness a priority.
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Turns out there's some truth to the old adage "happy wife, happy life." A September 2014 study
from Rutgers University concluded that the more satisfied the wife is
with the union, "the happier the husband is with his life no matter how
he feels about their nuptials."
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Have a double-income household.
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OK, so technically the research doesn't say both husband and wife
need to bring home the bacon, but it does show that couples with an
annual household income of $125,000 or more reduce their chances of
divorce by 51 percent. For most people, that means both spouses working outside the home.
