By Alexandra Whittaker, Reader's Digest
Abuse can happen even without physical violence. In honor of
Domestic Violence Awareness Month, watch for these signs of emotional
abuse in a relationship.
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You don’t feel in control
Control is a common theme throughout the answers to a survey on emotional abuse conducted by the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness.
Feeling like your partner is controlling to the point where you lose
your independence is a red flag for emotional abuse. (That doesn’t mean
all partnerships are perfect, of course—check out these myths about happy relationships.)
You no longer hold the purse strings
Having a degree of financial independence and
flexibility is important in a relationship. “In emotionally abusive
situations, there might be some economic abuse as far as keeping all the
victim’s money,” says Colleen Schmitt, director of Day One, a network of domestic violence and sexual assault community programs in Minnesota. These other behaviors are subtly sabotaging your relationships.
[post_ads_2]You’re being isolated
Emotionally abusive partners may try to cut you
off from the world, whether they keep you from social events, interfere
with your relationships with family and friends, or literally keep you
moving from place to place. “Those that are abusive want to make sure
that they keep the secret within the family and others don’t know about
it,” Schmitt says. “So they use tactics to get victim/survivor away from
others so they can’t tell anyone what’s going on.” Check these 11 signs that you can trust your partner—or not.
Your self-esteem has taken a hit
If your partner consistently puts you down and
doesn’t value your thoughts, he or she could damage your self-esteem.
“Abuse survivors can really get down on themselves,” Schmitt says. “The
victim might feel very humiliated, so then they start blaming themselves
for what’s going on and feel shameful.”
[post_ads_2]You get subtle nonverbal threats
“Sometimes it can be by a look or a gesture
that shows they don’t approve of what you’re doing,” Schmitt says. This
kind of behavior can escalate into swearing and telling you that you’ll
be physically hurt. “Whether they carry out that threat or not, it’s
very real if you have to hear that day in and day out.”
Your children have become pawns
An emotional abuser might put down or belittle a
victim in front of her children as a way of retaining control over her.
“Saying the victim/survivor is no good in front of their children is a
tactic often used,” Schmitt confirms. (Here’s what not to do after an argument with your partner.)
[post_ads_2]You’re cut off from friends and family
In the research paper Abuse in Intimate Relationships: Defining the Multiple Dimensions and Terms,
Vera E. Mouradian, PhD, of the National Violence Against Women
Prevention Research Center, “preventing a partner from socializing” is
noted as a sign of emotional abuse.
They throw objects around you
Throwing and breaking things is a violent act,
even if nothing is thrown directly at you. According to Dr. Mouradian,
hitting or kicking a wall, furniture, or doors, or throwing objects are
clear signs of emotional abuse. (Read the story of how one woman gained strength from her mother’s domestic abuse.)
[post_ads_2]You’ve googled “emotional abuse”
Schmitt’s Day One network assists survivors of
physical abuse but it’s actually emotional abuse that comes up more
often. “Emotional abuse is the number-one topic that folks are looking
at on our website,” Schmitt says. If you’re spending time looking up the
signs of emotional abuse, that’s a red flag that something probably
isn’t right. Check out these other key signs of a toxic relationship.